Ask Blair is an advice column run by a GPHS student under the alias of Blair. It's purpose is to provide advice to students in search of it. Keep in mind that your responses will most likely be in the next issue of The Scroll.
This year we launched this advice column, Ask Blair! Everything is 100% anonymous, including my own identity. Though I go by Blair for the purpose of the column, I wouldn’t be surprised if many of you know me outside of The Scroll. I’m a student at GPHS, just like all of you. My goal for the column is to reach out to you guys and do what I can to help you during your times of trouble. Don’t be afraid to send in questions for next month’s issue, and I look forward to writing for you guys in the months to come. Scroll to the bottom to enter your own questions for Blair.
*Editor's Note: The Scroll's Ask Blair! Column is to solely provide advice, care, and support to students in need. We want to hear from you, and we understand that some of the topics that will be discussed will be emotional and sometimes distressing, but this advice column is not meant to be used as an alternative to any sort of professional therapy or counseling.
Thank you ❤
"What's the state of Jefferson?"
The State of Jefferson is what’s called a “ghost” state. This means there is a movement that exists in an attempt to make it a real state, but it is not recognized as a state by the federal government. It spans over counties in northern California and southern Oregon (yes, this includes Grants Pass). The reason people want it another state here is because the area it covers is made up of counties that aren't very populated, and as a result, the big urban areas of the state are more fairly represented than these zones that would make up Jefferson. For instance, Redding, California has a population of roughly 90,000, and Los Angeles has a population of nearly four million. The two areas have drastically different political opinions and such, and so the State of Jefferson would ensure that more rural areas of the Pacific Northwest would have their own representation, as opposed to being buried by the populated urban areas.
"What do I do if a guy puts his arm around you and you don't want him to have his arm around you?"
Ladies, never ever underestimate the importance of consent. When you’re uncomfortable with something, especially when it comes to how someone touches or speaks to you, do NOT be afraid to speak up. Often times, the real struggle is forcing yourself to speak or being afraid of making the situation awkward, so it’s okay to phrase it gently without freaking the guy out, but don’t let that fear stop you from saying something. You could say something like, “Hey, no offense or anything, but I’d prefer not being touched.” If that doesn’t work, then you’d have to be a bit more firm and say something more like, “Please don’t touch me.” It can be hard sometimes to verbally express discomfort, and if you can’t bring yourself to say something, then physically moving yourself over, or even removing his arm yourself, should do the trick as well. In general, just don’t ever be afraid to speak up for yourself!
"How do we as students deal with the misinformation age we are facing and learn to be educated consumers of all types of news (including the fake news in the Scroll, too!)?"
I’ll be honest, the variety of questions I received this month blew my mind, but this one really surprised me. I’m glad our student body isn’t just mindlessly accepting everything they hear and read, but that’s besides the point. Misinformation and miscommunications are everywhere, and learning to avoid them is such an important skill! The biggest way to avoid it is to make sure you’re using a reliable source. I can promise you that the writers here at The Scroll are doing their absolute best to deliver the most accurate information possible, and we go through a whole process of our own before writing anything to verify our information, but mistakes can be made. Check the qualifications of the person writing: Why are they qualified to write about this topic? What makes them experts? Check the website you’re using: Is it a clean, professionally-made website, or does it look like some guy in a basement put it together in half an hour? Is it a big-name website, or is it obscure and/or sketchy? Is it a .com URL or a .org/.gov/etc.? That’s the general process we here at The Scroll usually go through before publishing, and it’s a process readers can go through, too! The problems really start when it’s someone speaking, like on the news or something, but then you can research their qualifications and such and decide whether you trust them or not. The biggest advice I can give is to use your own judgement!
"Hi there, any advice for someone dealing with a dysfunctional family and dissociation?"
This question actually hit home for me. I personally deal with dissociation and a dysfunctional family myself, and it's under no circumstances something that's easy to deal with. First, I'd just like to clarify what dissociation means for any readers out there who don't know:
"Dissociation is a psychological experience in which people feel disconnected from their sensory experience, sense of self, or personal history. It is usually experienced as a feeling of intense alienation or unreality, in which the person suddenly loses their sense of where they are, who they are, of what they are doing."
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-dissociation-22201
My personal advice is to continue to build and nurture healthy coping mechanisms for yourself. Sometimes, the situation you're in is out of your hands, and you don't necessarily have the means to fix it completely. Some people can make it better through constructive communication with those in their life, but I understand that not everyone has that privilege or opportunity to have healthy communication with their family/loved ones. And that is something that's really hard to come to terms with-- although, what you can control is how you handle, process, and cope with your experiences. While still not an easy process to master --because our emotions are our emotions, and that's just that sometimes, and that's okay-- with lots of time and patience, you can hopefully create healthy coping mechanisms that at least help to relieve some of the tension you feel. An example of healthy coping mechanisms could be something as simple as venting to someone you know will at least listen to you, like trustworthy teachers, friends, the GPHS school counselors, a family member, even writing about it in a journal can help. Other healthy ways of coping can be art, exercise, cooking, cleaning, and even crying (don't ever let anyone shame you for crying because, in moderation, crying is a super powerful thing). I find putting some distance between my family and myself helps a lot, whether it be through taking some time to be alone in your room, at a friend's house, or just putting in some headphones and listening to music. Removing yourself from that dysfunction for a while is sometimes the best option. I'll leave a link to a resource below for more information on coping mechanisms, and how you can identify healthy and unhealthy ways of coping.
Remember that the GPHS counseling center will always be a resource for you. It may seem scary, but they are genuinely here to provide a listening ear to anyone in need. If you need help finding the counselors, then just go to the front office and ask for you. Talking about these things is super important. Never underestimate the impact of having a conversation about what you're going through.
Just know that reaching out is the first step to making things a bit easier for yourself. I'm so proud of you. I hope things get better. Good luck out there.
Coping Mechanisms Resource:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/coping-mechanisms
