best and worst gphs bathrooms

In this satire article, Regan discusses the best and worst GPHS bathrooms.

GPHS Bathrooms: the good, the bad, and the stinky

By Regan Snyder

Content Discretion: This article is just for giggles. This is not a serious review of GPHS bathrooms.

Everyone loves to potty. Some even like to go number two. Whatever your favorite bathroom activity is, there is one thing we can all agree on: nothing beats a good restroom. Here at Grants Pass High School, we are lucky to have an array of lavatories to choose from. However, not all bathrooms are created equal. In this article, we will explore the top two best and top two worst GPHS bathrooms, with insight from an array of students. Grab your toilet paper and get comfortable, because we’re about to splash into a world of toilets.

Best Bathroom 1: core building (gender neutral)

Voted as the number one bathroom in the school is the one and only gender neutral bathroom of the core building on the first floor. This bathroom, equipped with full-length doors, functioning locks, and blow dryers, has won the hearts of many GPHS students. Unique to other bathrooms, this lavatory is gender neutral, allowing for a more community-based peeing experience. The functioning full-length doors have also been a massive success. According to one student, “Gender neutral bathrooms give you actual privacy and make it so people are NOT going to throw water over your stall door at you.” No one wants a surprise water fight in the middle of a dookie, and no one wants to feel watched while going potty. This bathroom has granted a delightfully simple solution to these problems, which students have no doubt noticed. The only major downside to this restroom is the lack of backpack hooks on the back of the doors. This leaves users with a few options: place your backpack on the floor, the weird elevated area behind the toilet, or in the toilet itself. If you value privacy but not your schoolbag, then this may just be the bathroom for you.

Image of bathroom poll, credits to Regan Snyder

Best bathroom 2: PAc (girls)

Image of classical musicians, credits to iStock

The second most adored bathroom has proven to be the PAC girls' bathroom, with the PAC boys' bathroom close behind. Many enjoy this bathroom for its remote location. It’s almost like a secret club for people needing to relieve themselves. Students have also praised the bathrooms' cleanliness, with one GPHS student, Gavin Wakeland, saying, “The PAC bathrooms are different because most of the kids in the PAC want to actually be in the PAC, so they respect it.” When a bathroom is loved and respected, it makes for a much more pleasant experience, a sentiment the PAC bathroom enjoyers seem to agree with. Another bonus of this bathroom is its proximity to the orchestra and band rooms. This creates a jubilant, musical atmosphere, as the classes’ songs can be heard from the toilets. A 2015 study by Seong-Hi Park and published by Korea University suggests that relaxation therapy can be beneficial for those struggling with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. If relaxation is helpful for bowel distress, and music causes relaxation, then music should hypothetically be cooperative with digestion. On the flip side, if you are made uncomfortable by classical tunes, then this may be an alarming setting. If you prefer to potty in silence, then this might not be the restroom for you.

Worst bathroom 1: core building upper level (left side - girls)

Voted by far the worst bathroom is the second-floor girls' bathroom along the English hall. The most prominent complaint about this lavatory is the constantly moist floor. One student claimed that “The floors are always wet. That makes me feel disturbed.” Going to the bathroom in a kiddie pool can certainly be uncomfortable, especially when, almost as if by magic, the water is always there, soaking your socks and dampening your mood. Even worse, some of the backpack hooks are adorned with gum and other such substances. This means that either you must toss your bag into the fecal waves upon the floor or put it on the sticky gum hook (or you can put the bag in the toilet, which may be preferable at this point). For decoration, this bathroom is filled with unique modern art, AKA, graffiti. Vulgar, yet often enlightening, this graffiti tells the tales of poopers past. Although not the most visually pleasing, the writing is a quick and easy way to catch up with school drama. If you wish to venture into this restroom, then you may want to bring some reading glasses, as well as a strong wetsuit.

Image of ocean waves, credits to Pacific Northwest National Laboratory

Worst bathroom 2: Science building (girls and boys)

Image of disgusted man, credits to iStock

Tied for the second-worst GPHS bathroom are both of the Science building lavatories. Twins from your worst nightmare, this iconic duo is stinky, smelly, and dirty, no matter which one you choose. Students have reported a rancid smell that emanates from the mere vicinity of these horrid stalls. It seems to be a homing beacon for every person in the school with severe diarrhea. According to the National Library of Medicine, “Control of odours is…socially important and believed to be a societal measure of cleanliness.” These bathrooms clearly do not meet this standard, which makes them likely candidates for mass scrutiny. Another terrible attribute of these bathrooms is the stifling crowds they seem to attract at various points throughout the day. The bathrooms quickly turn into toilet paper-littered battlegrounds, as mobs flood the greasy floors. Privacy becomes finite, as strangers peek at attendees through the ginormous gaps in the stall doors. Even leaving this horrifying place is a struggle, as the doorways become easily clogged with traffic. It’s as if purgatory were a bathroom. If you value yourself, then this might not be the bathroom for you.

There you have it: the best and worst bathrooms of GPHS. Regardless of your preferences, there truly is a bathroom for everyone, a stall for all. Be sure to show some gratitude to the school restrooms and to always clean up after yourself. A happy bathroom makes a happy world.

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