School Fight Cancelled When No Teachers Show Up To Break It Up

Shockwaves rolled across the East Middle School campus on an otherwise normal Friday afternoon. A fight between two students that had been anticipated for weeks was postponed after no teachers showed up to break it up. The conflict was apparently a difference in opinion over competing TikTok video dances. Students gathered around in a circle as they’re known to do, the two students converged and started “whatting.” After 4-5 whats were exchanged they began to show concern. They looked around, whated a few more times, and then agreed that this was lame.

According to an eyewitness student, “we circled up, followed the school fight protocol, but when we looked back Mr. Padgett and Furby Elrod were busy seeing how many kids they could bench press. We even hollered at him a few times but he just wasn’t interested.” Other students expressed concern over the future of the long standing tradition of school fighting. “What’s the point if there’s nobody to stop us? Somebody could get hurt!”

These feelings didn’t stop at the sidewalks of Gunnison Ave. A 5th grader at Chipeta Elementary school who is known to hang on the cage and watch these conflicts questioned whether or not they’ll even pursue Middle School at all. “I mean what’s the point of going across the street if we can’t have school fights? For five years I’ve hung on this fence and watched all the drama, and it's all I’ve ever dreamed of, to experience it firsthand. What am I expected to do next year, play tetherball?”