Science Teacher Suspected of Being a Tortoise

Middle school teacher Mr. Siefken is thought to be a tortoise after being seen eating 12 pounds of strawberries and a head of lettuce. Students report that their science teacher has been consuming twice the amount of a deadly dose of leafy greens in a day. Student Hyan Ratfield states “Siefken has been wearing turtle necks for the past 25 years” Mr. Siefken says “ I have created a burrow in the cabinet of my bluetooth sink.” Many people have reported that Siefken has become extremely sedentary and has developed a beak. Doctor Bolivia states “Our staff is dumbfounded about how Siefken is able to stay alive after eating only lettuce and fruit.” He also states “His slurred speech and slow movement may be a contributing factor to his survivability.”

Many teachers at the school report that Siefken has been getting later and later to class, and it is impacting his students. Our investigation got the attention of medical expert, Doctor Latvia “When we took a blood sample we saw the DNA of a mutated tortoise” After seeing this article Siefken started showing his face less in public and has been seen in the halls twice in the past year.