The school’s resident Mountain Man made a final appearance in the office to rally the students one last time. Hoisting his mysterious Dora-esque backpack, Mr. Thomas riled students up with inspiring words including several botched Buddhist quotes, such as “Drop by drop is the sand cup filled or whatever.”

When Mr. Thomas directed teachers to tell their students to “finish strong” many were doubtful it would have any impact. However, the students began to immediately glow with confidence, and all their problems disappeared. Each of them left the lunchroom to build a rocket capable of reaching Mars in Mr. Bolotin’s room. When asked why they went to that teacher in particular, they report that Mr. Siefkin was too busy with Google Earth, gazing at the Sydney Opera House with his mouth watering and tears rolling down his cheek. Once the students had fully constructed the rocket they took it to the field where they prepared for launch. They packed the rocket with supplies but were interrupted by the Vice-Principal Ms. Raney who reprimanded them for bringing food onto the field. When the students attempted to explain that they were about to achieve the greatest landmark in human history, they were told that the rules were the rules, and there are no exceptions.

Luckily, Elon Musk heard of their plight on his newly acquired twitter handles, and purchased Chipeta Elementary for the purpose of the launch. Despite large amounts of paperwork that Elon Musk signed, permission slips, shellfish allergies, and lack of teacher chaperone still prevented the students from launching to mars. However, teachers did allow a school wide walk to Eureka! Science Museum for 2 hours as an acceptable replacement.

The students, busy with their substitute Mars experience, playing with water and “experiential Science learning,” Mr. Thomas was free to disappear into the Northern Tundra of Russia where he could become a second Buddha, and take back Tibet from Chinese rule. We expect news of the new Dalai Lama by mid-July.