FIRST CASE OF NOTERASINGTHEWHITEBOARD-ITIS DISCOVERED IN LOCAL CLASSROOM

Mr. Roenicke, a teacher at East Middle School, has been diagnosed with Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis. The CDC recommends everyone keep an eraser in their pocket at all times. Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis can spread easily between people who don’t seem to care about anything anymore. Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis is not deadly, except for one person who died in a knife fight against someone who erased their whiteboard. Only a few have contracted Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis. We Zoom interviewed Mr. Roenicke, Patient zero, to ask him a few questions.

“How do you feel, with Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis,” the reporter asks.

“I feel perfectly fine,” replies Mr. Roenicke, funneling fist-fulls of popcorn into his mouth.

After a few questions, we finally asked him to erase his whiteboard. Mr. Roenicke starts sputtering out random excuses like, “I need that for my next class,” and “I sold a bike on eBay.” Doctors have barely started researching Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis but we still have a few pieces of information.

1. Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis is not deadly.

2. Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis spreads easily between people who seem to not care about anything.

3. Mr. Roenicke has been named Patient Zero.

4. Only a few have contracted Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis.

5. Some symptoms may include…

   1. Insomnia, mostly because they can’t sleep without knowing that their whiteboard is the messiest thing in the classroom.

   2. Relentless appetite, especially for unhealthy foods like popcorn and the tears of students.

   3. Fever.

   4. Headache, you’re in a school, who doesn't have a headache.

   5. Selling bikes that you recently purchased yourself

The CDC advises everyone to go outside and do something productive in order to lower the risk of contracting Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis. The Shallot will stay posted about Noterasingthewhiteboard-itis.