Kids vs. Adult Basketball Game Causes Controversy

In March of 2022, onlookers at East Middle School suffered through a student versus staff basketball game at the assembly, celebrating the end of the third quarter of school while dreading the 4th quarter of another embarrassing basketball performance.

Recently, students and fellow teachers have been questioning if Mr. Hansen was trying too hard. He snapped back in defense, “There is a standard at this school, and Mr. Gil did not carry on the legacy. At least I scored a point!” The Shallot has investigated if the claims about Mr. Hansen are accurate, and sadly we have concluded that they are. Feeling intimidated by Mr. Bolotin’s basketball skills and popularity with the crowd, Mr. Hansen was trying as hard as he could to seem just as cool, even if that means trying to shoot 3-pointers every time. Will this ever change? Or are we stuck with Try-Hard-Hansen and over-hyped Mr. Gil? Regardless, Bolotin will carry them so it’s okay.

The fallout of the embarrassing performance didn’t stop with Mr. Hanson’s need for self reflection. Mr Gil was traumatized by his own performance and in order to redeem himself after this problematic showing, he began showing off his moves playing against himself on the blacktop after school. To no surprise, his invisible opposent stole the crowd's hearts as he demolished Mr. Gil. Day after day students hung around school to watch the battle, cheering on whoever it was that Mr. Gil was taunting after imaginary defensive stops. Students repetitively questioned who he was yelling at after he blocked that imaginary shot onto Hill Avenue? Will there be hope for the fourth quarter basketball games? Or will the Bald E.Gil be defeated again?