Noemi Andras

Instructions are Useless

When Kurt paid for his ticket to the Botanical Garden, he smelled something in the air that lured him there. The garden wasn’t anything special; that’s why Kurt liked that place so much. He hated that place when he was a little toddler, and he despised it even more in his adolescent years. It is not surprising that a garden is a perfect place for couples who are merely starting to walk on their path of passion and love.

As the years passed, he learned to ignore all the kinds of wooing he saw there, so he could look beyond why all these couples loved the Botanical Garden so much. His main objective was to learn from the others. Usually, Kurt would go very early to find a bench which was perfect for one person to sit on it, without evoking awkwardness, and observe all the trespassers. There was nothing unusual observing them, and he wouldn’t do it in some creepy man’s style, rather in a much sophisticated manner. Sometimes he would sketch a beech here or there so he would appear like a passionate artist trying to express his feelings.

Kurt was so into spying on other couples that he never had a wife or children. Every time he would go on a date with a woman, he chose to go to the Botanical Garden. He tried to use all the techniques he saw before, but every time he tried, he failed. Why? He was wondering too.

He learned that umbrellas brought two people together, as if they are one, so he never failed to bring an old style, black umbrella with a cognac wood handle.

“You know, I don’t want you to catch a cold, so I brought an umbrella.” Kurt usually said. “I will open it now so the wind won’t be able to get to you. It will be only you and me.”

And as he opened the umbrella, the wind grabbed it and blew it away, like someone blowing off a candle. There was no hope for Kurt. The woman couldn’t wait to get rid of him.

Another time, he used his trump card, the umbrella, but only when the trick worked, which was usually during the rainy season. His trump card was very good, but it was tricky to use it. As Kurt figured out, he could only use it when it was raining at the Botanical Garden. When he got to the rose garden, he would examine the lady he was having a date with. He stared at her a long time before he decided to jump right into the conversation.

“You know, the best things in the garden are the roses. Each of them are different, but pretty at the same time. But my philosophy is that women are the prettiest roses. And a man has to know how to take care of them.”

“That is true, but look at the roses now. They haven’t even flowered. All I see are spikes,” said the woman disappointingly.

“Oh yes, that is the bad side of women.”

“The bad side? So we are that ugly most of the time?”

“You know that roses are real when they show off their spikes.” Kurt tried to bring back the conversation to a solid base.

He failed. As soon as the rain stopped, the woman thanked her for showing him the Garden and went home. She never contacted him again.

All of these failed attempts didn’t discourage Kurt to keep on visiting the Garden. He soon realized that he would go nowhere with his dates because there was no point in having dates in the Garden. Instead, Kurt continued his passion of sketching trees and flowers. Unsurprisingly, his favorite flower was the rose, because it reminded him of how women really are. Beautiful on the outside, demanding and fastidious on the inside.

Kurt’s 30th birthday passed, and he felt that time was slowly consuming him. He still hadn’t found a woman who he would accept as his life partner. Instead, he decided to learn how to really take care of a rose; maybe that would bring him some luck with women.

His new goal in life was to learn how to take care of the roses at the Botanical Garden. First, he started his own mini garden at his house, buying seeds of red, yellow, white roses. He did everything he saw or was told to do, but soon enough all of his roses died. He was asking himself the same question as when he was young: ‘Why?’

“There must be something wrong,” he thought, “I do everything how I am supposed to, yet nothing happens like it should happen.”

The realization made Kurt so uneasy that he almost quit with his dream of taking care of the roses. He even stopped going to the Botanical Garden.

The years flew very fast by. He was now in his 50’s when he decided to do another experiment with the roses. Again, he did everything the packages instructed about the seedlings.

“It must work now, there is no way I would’ve missed something.”

Or maybe he missed something. Something vital. Something that is common sense.

Kurt decided to return to the Botanical Garden. Maybe he will see something there that would help him. It was a sunny day, so it was perfect for good old Kurt to go there and sit on a bench and casually sketch something. Of course, he was sketching and observing his surroundings as he used to and he had his umbrella with him. Just in case. Couples were all around.

“These things never change,” said Kurt, smiling to himself.

As he was looking around, his eyes bounced back on a figure on another bench. It was a young lady. She seemed to be waiting for someone. “It is so good to be young! Ah, waiting for a date, it must be nice!” thought Kurt.

He kept observing her, how she was sitting on the bench, with her ankles crossed. He wasn’t trying to be creepy or anything, he was just observing her as a human another human. Five minutes passed. Fifteen minutes passed. Thirty minutes passed. There was no sign of anybody coming.

Kurt was getting worried for the lady, but the lady was worried too, if not angry. She was clearly expecting someone. Kurt knew it for sure.

And then, the sound of calm footsteps came across the the bench where Kurt and the lady were sitting. This must be the footsteps of the person the lady was expecting! Kurt exhaled in relief. Yes, the lady was less tense too. This must be it!

A manly figure appeared in the vicinity of Kurt. He stopped at first, examining the lady. Kurt was thinking that he would apologise now for making her wait and they would go on their normal date. Kurt even started whistling ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’. Kurt got up and decided to leave them alone. That is the only thing he thought he should do.

He was wrong.

When his legs were just ready to push him off the bench, the man did a very strange thing. He directly went to the lady and silently gestured to her to get up. Kurt shook his head, thinking how the younger generation changed so much in terms of dating. But there was also the possibility of the man being mute. “Yes, that could happen. I’m sure that is the case.” thought Kurt.

“Here you are! I thought I should collect my thoughts together before I came here.” said the man.

Kurt assumed that they were in a fight. “I don’t want to see this. I saw enough drama in these gardens.” He stood up and slowly started walking away. He almost forgot his umbrella, and when he turned back, his umbrella was nowhere. Kurt looked around when he saw that the man had his umbrella!

The man noticed that Kurt was looking at him, turned towards him and with a gesture it seemed that he wanted to give the umbrella back. He was coming to Kurt. The lady came too. The man stretched his hands towards Kurt, as if giving back the umbrella, but instead, he halted for a second, than he said:

“Oh my gosh, is this your umbrella?”

“Well, yes, it is mine! For a second I thou-”

“Oh okay, I will buy this from you. Will ten bucks be good for you? Okay good, thanks!”

Kurt didn’t have time to react to all of this and all he was left with were ten bucks in his hand. He only heard the young man’s voice:

“Oh my gosh! Umbrellas can be totes romantic! I love all the umbrella scenes in movies because it brings the two parties together. Lets try it out!”

“Wait wait wait. You are telling me that you bought that umbrella from the old man just to-”

“Oh my gosh, exactly! How did you know!”

“Ugh, please return the umbrella. I’m done! Your Tinder profile was nothing like this! I’m done!”

The lady walked away.

Kurt was waiting for the man to return the umbrella, but it seemed he didn’t have the intentions to. He quickly followed him and caught up with him very quickly.

“Hey, here are your ten bucks, please give my umbrella back.” said Kurt calmly to the man.

“Oh my gosh, you followed me? I guess I won’t need the umbrella anymore. I’m not even capable of finishing a date!”

“Please, just give my umbrella back.”

The man gave the umbrella back.

“So, what is your name?”

“Dan.”

“Dan?” Kurt was smiling. “Hey Dumb Dan, I’m Kurt”.

“Oh my gosh you must be kooky Kurt!”

“Very funny kid. Very funny.” Said Kurt ironically. “But try to have some common sense with women. Prescribed recipes won’t work. Even the best ones are useless if you can’t read.”

“What?”

“Forget it. Thanks for my umbrella! You are still young. You can do it Dan. Yo-”

“Oh my gosh, I forgot that I put some eggs to boil! What if my kitchen is on fire! I have to go. Bye!”

“Bye…”

Kurt was watching Dan run towards the exit of the Botanical Garden. It looked like it was time for dinner. “Time flies fast,” Kurt thought.

When Kurt arrived, Even the sun was setting down. He quickly went to his fridge to see if he has something. He had some marmalade and bread left. He decided to go outside to the balcony to enjoy his food while he was watching the sunset.

He made himself comfortable in his rocking chair and gazed off. He was looking at his garden, counting how many roses he tried to nurture. Everything was in vain.

“Unless… I was doing everything wrong. There is no recipe! That is it! A list of instructions are only a guide for us! What really matters is common sense…”

The sky was crimson red. Kurt was reminded by the sky how beautiful a rose can really be. He wanted to take good care of a flower that is beautiful with the petals, but also naughty in some ways. And now he knew that all he needed were instructions… and common sense.

Imagination or Visibility

High School lockers were the perfect place to get to know some of my peers. Or at least I wanted it to be. I always had the idea of going to my locker and unexpectedly bumping into another friend of mine who had the locker very close. We would excitedly share if someone spilled their lunch on the floor or who got sent to the dean’s office again.

Let me tell you, that was never the case because the more I wanted it to be a reality, the more likely it remained fiction. I always had these tendencies to imagine things. If I couldn’t imagine it, I wasn’t Gretchy. That’s for sure.

My High School Career began on a hot summer day when my mom received the school notice that contained the bus schedules, my classes, who my counselor was, etc.

I clearly remember my mom’s face when she came back from the front of the house with a bunch of Costco coupons and my big envelope that contained all the information for my freshman year.

“Oh honey, look what arrived. Let me see if they put in the special instructions too!”

“Oh, whatever.” I replied. “I can’t imagine how much paper the school wastes by sending out all of this information. They could easily create a website and put it up there.”

“I think this way is fine too.” Mom said in a precarious tone, as if her next words would step on a bunch of Lego on the ground and she would scream at of the top of her lungs. “Anyways, let’s open it! I can’t wait to see what classes will you take!”

I took the envelope from my mom and opened it. As I expected, each piece of information was in another color. Just like when I was in Elementary School and the teacher made our parents buy a bunch of colored Two Pocket folders (Target has the cheapest ones). My schedule was in red, the counselor information in yellow, the school contact info in neon green and the bus schedule in a shade of yellow that only construction workers wear. I let my mom snatch the red paper out of my hands. She really wanted to see my schedule. She was acting more like a kid than I was. Surprising, isn’t it?

What I was excited about was the bus schedule. I never rode a yellow school bus. Until now, I went to a very small private school. My mom said the reason she made me go there was because that place was best for me. But why I think my mom sent me there was because it was only five minutes away, so I could go alone when I needed to.

It seemed that the bus would come and pick me up at 7:30 in the morning. Not bad. As I was looking through the other papers, There was one white paper, which looked like it was added to the pile of rainbow-colored papers in the last minute.

“Please sit in the last seat in the auditorium, school bus, classroom or any other place that is part of the school. Thank you for your understanding. Go Bats!”

That meant that bats were out mascots! How exciting! I ran to my mom, snached out my schedule from her hands and excitedly handed her the paper that I had just read.

“Mom, mom, mom! Can you imagine that bats are our mascots! Oh I love bats so much!”

Mom took the paper and quickly read it. She wasn’t as excited as I was about the bats. It seemed like she didn’t even care about them. She was focusing more on the top of the page, I could see it in her eyes. She seemed, perhaps, calm? Or relaxed? Or reassured?

“Gretchy, I hope you paid attention to what this paper said.” She raised her eyebrows, waiting me to nod.

“Yes,” I nodded. “I will sit in the back. But can you believe that the mascot is-”

“Yes I know.” She smiled. “ I know it is your favorite animal. I am so delighted that you look so happy.” She said in a low tone, as if talking to herself rather than to me.

The first day of school came. I got up at 6:00 a.m. because I wanted to make sure everything went well. I chose some jeans and a white T-shirt to wear and I put my hair up in a high ponytail. I packed my bag with some essentials like loose paper, binders and a dozen of cheap BIC mechanical pencils that my mom got from Target. I was ready to go.

The yellow bus came exactly at 7:30, just like how that paper from the packet said. I said goodbye to my mom and got on the bus. The bus wasn’t as grand as I expected it to be. It was… average. The brown leather seats were mushed together and the kids were sitting like fish jammed in a small tin. It was so hard to get to the back of the bus, there wasn’t even enough room space to pass by on the small hallway. No wonder I felt packed when three kids were sitting on each seat, and It always happened that the kid by the aisle was more likely sitting on air than the seat itself.

I went to the last seat on the bus. As I expected, nobody was sitting there. I felt happy that I wouldn’t have to share the brown seat with anybody else.

When we arrived, everyone hurried to get off the bus. I was in a big hurry too. I wanted to find my first class as soon as possible. When I was going down the bus’s steps, the driver suddenly closed the doors.

“Excuse me,” I quickly said, “could you open the door, please?”

The bus driver didn’t notice me. Something was clearly wrong. I started banging on the door as hard as I could. It looked like it worked. The driver looked at me and his face went from a tint of blush to chalk pale. He started looking for something in all of his pockets in his jacket when it seemed that he found what he was looking for.

He was holding a small black case that was the size of a case for sunglasses. There were actually glasses inside. He put them on and his face was like a man who finally could see everything crystal clear.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the driver apologized, “I forgot that I had to wear these.” He quickly pushed the button that opened the door. “Off you go now! Have a great day!”

He was the weirdest driver I’ve ever seen! How could he even drive without those glasses? I quickly dismissed the thought of him when I stepped inside.

My High School wasn’t small, but wasn’t big either. It made me very happy when I saw bat stickers and paintings on the walls. It was a decent public High School after all.

My first class was Modern World History. I didn’t have any problems finding the classroom. I didn’t want to be the kid who accidentally was not in the classroom where she was supposed to be. I looked at the seating chart. Of course I was in the back, that was what I expected. I slowly went to the back and sat down. To my surprise, my history teacher was wearing the same glasses as the bus driver. It must be a trend for men. It will die out soon.

Then something weird started happening. The other kids in class didn’t (or didn’t want to) notice me, and all of my teachers were wearing the same types of glasses, including females. And bathroom mirrors were the worst! They were not clean and I also couldn’t see myself in them. I never knew those kinds of mirrors existed.

As the day went by, the more suspicious I became. There was something wrong with that school. Or with me.

The first day of school wasn’t the best. The fantasy of meeting with my best friend at the same locker couldn’t become a reality. One: I had no time between classes to go to my locker and grab my stuff, and two: nobody saw me. No wonder the mirrors didn’t do their jobs or why my teachers wore those glasses. I was invisible.

Reality hit me very hard. There was only one thing I never had the courage to ask my parents: Why didn’t they tell me? I was still Gretchy, who liked to imagine things, because that is what kept me going in life.

Muscles and Bones

The immortal man was walking across the street. He knew that time had passed, but he hasn’t imagined that the cars were able to float across the road, or that there were no pedestrians on the road anymore. There was no wind, no light, no sun.

His footsteps echoed on the glass road, as if his soul was craving to see someone to talk to. The turmoil in his heart was slowly crushing his mental state. He averted his eyes from the glass road and looked up to the sky. There was no sky. There were no starts. It was complete emptiness.

He suddenly heard a quiet shriek behind his back.

“Who is there?” asked he, turning towards the noise.

“Oh… I’ve found you.” the woman said, with her back to the immortal man. “I would have killed you if I knew that you would suffer so much.”

The immortal man stepped closer to the woman, and, gently touched her shoulder. The shoulder became tense.

“Teresa, is that you? Oh my, dear Teresa!”

The woman was unrecognizable, her face and body made completely out of bones.

“You are dead! There is no way you are here!”

“Yes, I am. I saw how much you suffered across thousands of decades; you saw so many wars, so many deaths. It is no wonder you don’t have a heart anymore.”

“Do you think I did not try to die! That is what I mostly desire! Immortality is the devil itself!”

Teresa intensely looked at the immortal man; she pitied him. She was thinking what she could do, but there was nothing she could do.

“Go back where you came from, but don’t forget: you were my first love and you will always be.”

Teresa tried to smile, but she realized that her facial bones can’t bend. She couldn’t show any emotion. She didn’t have a heart anymore.