Counselor Messages to Families
Spring 2020
June 12, 2020
Good Morning,
On March 13th, when I wrote my first email in response to the COVID-19 school closure, I never dreamed that I'd still be writing all of you a weekly email from my living room. Yet, here we are. For 13 weeks, you have helped facilitate remote learning for your children, and for that I am truly grateful. Without parents, like you, who partner with us, this new educational endeavor would've never worked. It has brought to light something I think we all knew, but often took for granted....just how much educators and parents need each other in order to help our students learn and grow.
While I will have said my goodbyes to the kids I meet with on Thursdays and Fridays this week, I plan to meet with those students who have times scheduled with me on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday next week. Like the students, I am always excited to have a change of pace in the summer, but I will miss seeing your children (even if only from my laptop). As always, I check my email a few times a week during the summer months, so reach out if anything comes up that you'd like me to be aware of. In the meantime, I'll be updating my Supporting Students, Families, and Staff website as I find new and helpful resources for you to access.
Have a wonderful summer,
Fergie
June 5, 2020
Good Morning,
While my weekly emails have focused on how we can best support our kiddos during the COVID 19 pandemic and remote learning, this week I'm focusing on the pandemic of racism in our country. I wish I had sent an email last week about the events that have unfolded and continued to expose the racism and injustices in our country. So, I apologize for not responding to these events sooner.
We are all in different places on our anti-racism journeys. As such, we are in different places when it comes to if, when, and how we talk to our kids about the pervasive racism among individuals, groups, and institutions in America. Just like anything in parenting, there is no rule book or "how to" instructions for us to follow. That said, there are a number of thoughtful and powerful resources available that allow us to think about the different ways we can teach our kids about the racial inequities that exist and concrete ways to prevent them from persisting.
Below are links to just a few of the many resources out there. I urge you to read one and be planful in how you not only talk to your kids about the events they are, inevitably, hearing about, but also in what ways you'll help to build the foundation of anti-racism in our next generation.
With care and concern,
Fergie
Your Kids Aren’t too Young to Talk About Race - Resource Roundup
George Floyd. Ahmaud Arbery. Breonna Taylor. What do we tell our children?
Talking to Children After Racial Incidents
May 29, 2020
Good Morning Families,
Being with your kids 24/7 can be a struggle in so many ways and for so many reasons. It's actually difficult to be with anyone 24/7! One of the reasons we struggle is that when we are constantly with someone, we tend to take them for granted and forget to truly notice them. Sure, we notice when they leave a dish out or put up a fuss when it's time to brush their teeth, but we don't usually take the time to show excitement when we are with them, otherwise.
Think about it. Typically, at the end of a school/work day or after being away from another for a weekend, we are excited to see each other and make that known. Hugs, kisses, elated expressions, and questions about what's happened in each others' lives are all ways that we show one another that we notice each other. When's the last time that we lit up when someone in our family entered the room?
Kids, like all of us, need to know that others are excited to see them and be with them. I know that it's hard because we are all busy working, teaching, and keeping the kids occupied, but I encourage you to take time each day to show, tell, and express your excitement for your kids (and others you live with). Who knows...your kids might even reciprocate it!?!
Have a lovely weekend,
Fergie
May 22, 2020
Good Morning,
Never in my life would I have thought that I'd be quoting The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) in either my professional or private life. But, here I am, telling you that something I heard The Rock say last Saturday has resonated with me so much so that I've repeated it numerous times since, and am now passing it along to you. He said that his area of focus during this pandemic can be described in one word: tenderness. He went on to say that when he starts to get frustrated with his kids, the pandemic, people on zoom calls, etc. he has to remind himself that everyone deserves tenderness. He also has to remind himself that he deserves to be tender with himself, too. The longer remote learning continues, the more time you have to work from home or go to work and juggle having your kids at home, and as we continue to become fatigued from the quarantine, the easier it is to forget to be tender with ourselves and our kids.
Maybe tenderness isn't your thing. Maybe The Rock isn't someone you want to emulate. That's ok. I get it. I guess what I appreciated the most from what he was saying is that he had a focus and that focus was something other than just surviving the pandemic or getting through the day. He is actively working on doing something he has control over. So, when you or your kids find yourself in a funk, in a panic, or in a constant state of "Groundhog's Day", I encourage you to find a focus and actively work on it.
I hope that you all enjoy the long weekend!
Best,
Fergie
May 15, 2020
Good Morning,
I heard the term quarantine fatigue on the radio the other day and immediately felt a little better. Why? As Mr. Rogers used to say, you have to name what you're feeling in order to claim what you're feeling. In other words, when we can identify what's going on and that others might also be experiencing the same thing, we can take ownership of those feelings and manage them better.
While the folks on the radio were using the term quarantine fatigue to describe the exhaustion and waning discipline of everyday life in quarantine, I want to take it a step further and use it to explain the increase in big feelings that most of our kiddos are experiencing right now, as well as our decreased tolerance for such feelings. I'd love to say that the folks I was listening to or other professionals in my field have new or different answers as to how to cope with quarantine fatigue. Right now, all I have to offer is the term you can use to describe what you and/or your children may be feeling and hope that if you can name it, you can claim it.
Stay healthy,
Fergie
May 8, 2020
Good Morning,
I've had a number of families email, call, and set up meetings with me over the last few weeks because their kids are sad, lonely, angry, annoyed, on edge...you name it. While none of us want to see our kids feeling this way, all of those emotions are very normal responses to the grief and loss many are experiencing right now. We may very well be feeling the same way, but have a more developed frontal lobe to process what is happening and balance our feelings with our more positive thoughts.
We often send messages to kids that it's not ok to feel negative emotions. Think about it, we spend a lot of time trying to prevent them from feeling negative emotions and then do everything in our power to make them feel "better" when they do. The reality is that it's good to feel all emotions. Even the negative ones!
My message to you this week is that it's ok for your kids to feel down right now. I encourage you not to try to "fix it", but rather acknowledge those feelings, help name them for your child, model how you process and manage those feelings when you experience them, and help them understand that while they can't control what's going on their world right now, they can control how they respond.
Have a lovely weekend,
Fergie
May 1, 2020
Good Morning Families,
Every week, I write an email to the Morse staff around social and emotional issues. Often, I touch on different topics than the ones I email about to you on Fridays. This week, though, I think that the topic is relevant for all of us.
The topic this week is positivity. I'm not going to focus on it in a Pollyanna-ish manner, as the reality is that we all have moments, hours, or days where we just need to complain, be miserable, and get it out of our systems. We're human and sometimes that's just what we need. But if we stay in the place, or allow our kids to stay in that place for too long, it's just not healthy.
Recent research has shown that just one positive reframe a day can help boost our spirits. Cognitive behavioral theory is embedded in the belief that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. If we can change one of them (whichever seems most feasible at the time) than the other two will also shift. By shifting to a positive thought, our feelings become more positive, as well as our actions.
When I work with kids and their thoughts, I often talk about "blue thoughts" versus "true thoughts". With adults, I talk about helpful and unhelpful thoughts. Here are a few examples of some reframes from unhelpful to helpful thoughts that we could use during the pandemic.
So, the challenge for us this week (if you so choose to accept it), is to try to reframe at least one unhelpful thought each day and/or to help our kids reframe at least one "blue thought". Who knows, maybe your positive thought (or that of your child) will turn into a positive feeling and/or behavior!?!
Yours in positivity,
Fergie
April 17, 2020
Happy Friday (yes, it's Friday!),
The highlight of my week was being able to video chat with so many of your kids. Similar to the students I spoke with, the thing I miss the most about school is my time with all of the kids. Many thanks to those of you who signed up for a regularly scheduled counseling session so that your child and I can check in each week.
If you haven't had the chance to do so, please sign up here so that I can resume counseling with your child after vacation. If you do not wish to access counseling for your child while we are in distance learning mode, just let me know.
Finally, the Morse School now has a Supporting Students, Families, and Staff website. You'll find some things that I've already shared with you, as well as some new additions to help ensure that you and your kids feel supported during this unprecedented time.
Enjoy your time off as distance learning teachers!
Fergie
April 10, 2020
Hello Families,
There are two things different about my communication this week:
1. I'm emailing you on Thursday because we have Friday off. To those of you who celebrate Passover or Easter, may you have lovely holidays. For those of you who don't, enjoy your long weekend.
2. Instead of giving you ideas and recommendations, I'm going to ask for your help. In the last few days, you should've received communication from OSS and your case managers about special education services commencing as we continue with distance learning. This means that I will be scheduling weekly counseling times with your child. Can you help me with this?
Here's a link to my booking calendar. Please choose a time that will work for you and your child on a weekly basis. Once you confirm the time, an email will be sent to you with a link to a google meet. If you prefer to have meetings over the phone, just let me know. I want to do what works best for you!
If possible, I would love to have a time blocked out for all of my students by the end of Sunday so that I can plan properly for the week. If you already have a lot on your plate and another meeting for your child seems overwhelming at this time, please let me know so that I don't continue to email you about this.
In addition to weekly sessions, I also have time blocked in my schedule for office hours. Here's a link to sign up for office hours. You can use this link whenever you want to make an appointment to talk on the phone or video chat.
Many thanks for your help!
Fergie
April 3, 2020
Good Morning Families,
You've done it. You've had your children home for 3 weeks of remote learning. You have survived. There have been quite a few hilarious (because they're mostly true) memes out there about parents in their new role as remote teachers. Here's one I enjoyed that is also school appropriate:
I've had many parents ask me how they can best cope with the social and emotional concerns that have come up for their children at home. I've already emailed about having structures and schedules, practicing mindfulness, and planning for fun. What I want to suggest you add to your repertoire this week is modeling and practicing mindset.
At the Morse, we often talk about growth mindset. While that's important as learners, the mindset I'm talking about today is the survivor mindset. One of my former professors, Dr. Sheldon Solomon, did significant research after 9/11 on who came out of the event socially and emotionally healthy and who came out of it continuing to struggle. The most significant thing that he and other researchers found was that the common denominator among those who came out of that period in history socially and emotionally healthy saw themselves as fortunate survivors, while those who had significant challenges viewed themselves as victims of the event.
Most of us (students, parents, teachers, etc.) right now are experiencing grief. In order to become survivors of this grief, and support our young ones to follow suit, we can foster our survivor mentality. The best thing about developing a survivor mentality is that you don't need a computer, smart phone, tablet, or television in order to grow and succeed! You just need your own brain to manage your thoughts about the situation we are in. Attached is a handout on ways to shift your thoughts (and assist you in helping to shift your chidrens' thoughts) so that you and your kids can develop the mindset that will help us to continue to be socially and emotionally healthy.
In Community,
Fergie
March 27, 2020
Good Morning,
As we are all inundated with news, continued closures, and an uncertain world, it's easy to focus on the negative. We're human. It's what we do. We are born with a negativity bias. Today, my hope is not to reduce your negativity bias or give you more ways to cope with stress. Rather, I want to encourage you to increase the number of positive thoughts and experiences that you and your children have moving forward.
So, what did you do that was fun today? What cool thing do you hope to accomplish today? What would your kids say to these questions? If you can't answer, then I challenge you to think about something you and your kids can do that you all consider fun and interesting. We can't control the world around us, but we can control how much fun we plan for.
This week, I've made the point to do a number of fun things. I've taken live cardio dance classes through Zoom and didn't have to embarrass myself in front of strangers. I made my first ombre shark cake for my 5 year old nephew. I also started a 1000 piece puzzle...which will probably take me until May 4th to complete! Here's some proof.
If you or your child are still having a difficult time thinking about how to include positive thoughts and fun into your day, here's a link to instructions for Feeling Charades. Yes, counseling games can be fun!
I'd love to hear from your kids. If they'd like to email me about their fun adventures, I'd be psyched!
May you have a fun and interesting weekend,
Fergie
March 20, 2020
Hello again,
While it's been a week since I've sent out an email to all of the families I work with, I have had the chance to communicate with many of you individually. As always, if you have specific concerns or questions that I can be helpful with, please do not hesitate to reach out to me individually.
One of the common themes that folks have come to me about this week is that of stress management for the adults. As parents, many of you are juggling having to do your jobs remotely while others are having to continue to go to work, all while your kiddos are home 24/7. Most families are also dealing with additional financial stress while all of us are also dealing with the stress of keeping everyone healthy.
Please know that you are not alone! It's important now, more than ever, for you to take care of yourself. I recently heard a mental health professional say, "If you want kids to be stressed out, anxious, and dysregulated, surround them with adults who are stressed out, anxious, and dysregulated". So true. Your children need you to be calm, cool, and collected so that they can do the same.
Attached are some resources for parents about how to care for yourselves during this stressful time. Please, take some time each day to appreciate what has gone well that day and to care for yourself!
Warmly,
Fergie
Self-Care Tips to Get You Through the New Coronavirus Normal
12 Ways to Effectively Parent During a Crisis
One Thing Parents Need to Keep In Mind During the Pandemic: Taking Care of Ourselves
March 13, 2020
Dear Families,
With school closing for the next few weeks, I wanted to be sure to do my part to help you and the children I meet with for school counseling . Since I cannot provide specialized instruction over the next few weeks, I wanted to give you some resources on how to provide a structured day for your kids, how to talk to them about the Corona Virus, and resources you can use with your kids to help everyone stay calm and mindful. I've also included a letter from the Office of Student Services regarding all things IEP and special education over the next few weeks.
While I will not be in school, I will be working from home and coming into Cambridge to assist, as needed. If you have specific requests for things I can assist you and your child with, or if you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to reach out.
I hope that you all stay healthy and safe,
Fergie