Advice and Guidance from the School Counselling Team
Flipping the lid - An alternative way of looking at “Bad Behaviour”
In teaching you may hear a lot about the importance of self-regulation for children. In truth this is a lofty ideal. Most of us learn by adulthood to manage our everyday feelings without support or intervention, but sometimes children (and adults!) are overwhelmed by strong feelings like anger, rage, sadness and frustration and helplessness.
When we feel overwhelmed by strong feelings or conflicting demands that threaten our sense of psychological safety, our amygdala snaps into action- and the fight, flight or freeze mechanism is activated.
Children of all ages will need support from you to co-regulate their behaviour. This is how children learn over time to soothe themselves, to make sense of their experiences, and to learn from them.
If their dysregulation, often referred to as “bad behaviour,” is met by anger and punishment this only compounds their sense of being misunderstood and builds resentment and exclusion.
Our behaviour reflects our attachment style: when activated, children will choose a behaviour that has worked for them as a survival requirement in their earliest experiences; this could be insisting that your attention stays with them by whatever means necessary, or a physical or emotional withdrawal from you.
Dr Daniel Siegel’s hand model of the brain, seen in this short video, cleverly illustrates what happens when the brain system is stressed. When we can see what is going on in the brain, we can change what the brain does.
For many children, the teenage years can be a bit of a roller coaster.
Parents and teachers are equally challenged by adolescence. The sweet children you remember can turn into big, moody and defiant teens, challenging the established order at school and home.
Young people are undergoing a new phase of rapid growth and development. Most dramatically they develop secondary sexual characteristics and can look very grown up, but inside they are also experiencing huge emotional, cognitive and social changes.
This period can be seen as a ‘practice run’ for adulthood. Young people can experiment with their sexuality, and gender identity, explore interests and passions, take risks, have a secret life -but still come back to home or school for comfort when the need arises.
📺 Watch this (2 min)
This short video animation takes a look at what is happening in teenagers’ heads and how we can better understand this important developmental period.
You may also be interested in the following, which have also been shared with students on their 'Wellbeing Hub':
Train your Mind- have some 'Headspace'
Dr Anna Swan: Advice for helping children and teens to cope with stress and anxiety