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The Eli Article
The Eli Article
By Eli Landau
Eli^6:The Holy Choir of Eli
Interviewed by Eli Landau but with help from Pilar Towers, Adrian Wilson-Gardner, and Daniel Feinberg
I, Eli Landau, interviewed all of the Eli’s at CHAMPS Charter High School of the Arts. There are 7 Eli’s, 4 are seniors, 1 sophomore, and 2 freshman. One Eli was only at CHAMPS his freshman year in 2021, but we still included him in this article. My interview consisted of a range of questions from their personal lives as an Eli to if we were a superhero team.
The first question I asked everyone was their names to differentiate them (it didn’t go very well). The conversation went something like this:
Interviewer: Hi, what’s your name?
Eli Rattan: Eli
*Next person*
Interviewer: Hi, what’s your name?
Eli Rodrigez: Eli
*Next person*
Interviewer: Hi, what’s your name?
Eli Velasco: Eli
*Next person**over the phone*
Interviewer: Hi, what’s your name?
Eli Mountain: Eli
*Next person*
Interviewer: Hi, what’s your name?
Eli Vaynman: Eli
*Next person*
Interviewer: Hi, what’s your name?
Eli Lancaster: Eli
In my opinion, the best question I asked my interviewees was “What’s the weirdest or funniest thing someone’s ever called you to avoid confusing you with another Eli?” Now, this is how I will be differentiating the Eli’s for the rest of this article. Eli Rattan a 17 year old senior who you might know as Tall Eli shared with me a story, “I was at Starbucks this one time right, and they called me up, I said my name was Eli and they called me Veronica”. So hereafter Eli Rattan will be referred to as Veronica.
Eli Velasco said that “In Chemistry sophomore year, people used to call me Car Seat Headrest cause it's my favorite band”. So hereafter Eli Velasco will be referred to as Car Seat Headrest.
Eli Rodrigez has curly hair and this feature of his he said is often used to differentiate him from the other Eli’s. So freshman Eli Rodrigez will hereafter be referred to as Curly Haired Eli.
Eli Mountain told me that he is often referred to as “the other one”. So Eli Mountain will hereafter be referred to as The Other Eli.
Eli Vaynman who you might know as Dancer-Eli, told me that in middle school some kids called him E-lalala, so dancer Eli is now E-lalala
Eli Lancaster said and I quote “King Von because I’m black.” so I guess Eli Lancaster is now King Von Eli 😭
And me, I am short Eli 🙂↕️
I asked my fellow Eli’s to make a logo that would have to represent all of the Eli’s in the world. We all agreed The Other Eli’s flag creation was the best:
What’s your academy? 3/7 Eli’s are in Theater academy; Car Seat Headrest-Eli, The Other Eli, and myself (Short Eli). Curly Haired Eli is in the Film academy and says “It’s fun!” and enjoys watching movies in class. Elalala is in Dance academy “best academy” he says and King Von Eli is Digital Cinema and says that he definitely stays awake the entire time they are watching films in class 😃👍
“How’s your love life Eli?” I asked. “It’s Fabulous”- Veronica. “Pretty good”- Car Seat Headrest. “Good!”- Curly Haired Eli (though I think that’s changed…?). “Great!”- me (short Eli). “Tragic 💔 The girl I was talking to turned out to be a Trumpie.”- The Other Eli 😳 “ Well, I reached out to someone and they blocked me, so I’m gonna break into their house, take pictures of their feet, post it on feet finder, and not give them any of the revenue.” - Elalala. Valid crash out imo.
“What does a day in your Eli life look like, as an Eli?” Veronica says “I wake up and I send a game pigeon to my Dominion of Eli's and that's it, that's my day.” And to speak on behalf of all Eli’s, that is exactly how our day goes. However, Elalala doesn’t like this because he says that “Game pigeon is too hard 🥺”
“What makes you different from the other 6 Eli’s?” Car Seat Headrest says “I have blue hair!” [okay I have blue hair too vro]. Veronica says “Because I'm the Supreme dictator–” “I’m humble, I’m innocent” says Freshman Curly Haired Eli to which when asked the same question later in the interview said “I’m better, that’s what makes me different”. [Get your story straight bro]. And King Von says he’s the only anime nerd (idk if that’s true tho… I’m looking at one Eli particularly). He also said he plays basketball with his brother, which I doubt any of the other Eli’s do, so I guess King Von is different.
“How would you feel if you walked into a party and it was only people named Eli?” to which everyone pretty much said “I’d leave”. Except Veronica said he’d feel “fabulous” :D
Thank you Veronica (Eli Rattan), Curly Haired Eli (Eli Rodrigez), Car Seat Headrest (Eli Velasco), and The Other Eli (Eli Mountain), E-Lalala (Eli Vaynman) and King Von (Eli Lancaster) for participating in this. I’m sure you’re not regretting doing this at all 😃. 🐾
Bonus things said in the interviews:
“I brush my Eli, and then I wet my Eli, then I do a little dance with my Eli”- Eli
“What discrimination do you face as an Eli?” “This.”
“Would you be interested in starting an Eli podcast?” “Talk Tuah Eli 😃”
“It’s giving incest”
“Is there anything you want to say as an Eli?” “I hope everybody has a nice day” (how sweet)
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