In navigating the sensitive and complex process of a safeguarding concern, the language you use is as important as the actions you take. Your words must be chosen carefully to ensure clarity, compassion, and strict adherence to protocol.

General Principles for all Conversations

1. Be Factual and Non-Judgmental: Stick to the facts. Don't offer opinions, speculation, or personal feelings. Your role is to manage the process, not to judge the people involved.

2. Maintain Confidentiality: Do not share their information with ANYONE unless advised to do so by the safeguarding team or a professional. This protects everyone and manages expectations.

3. Reassure, but Don't Promise: Reassure people that they will be supported and that the process is designed to protect them, but never promise a specific outcome or confidentiality you can't guarantee.

4. Use a Calm and Measured Tone: Your tone of voice and body language should convey professionalism and empathy, helping to keep a difficult conversation grounded.

What to Say and Avoid: 

You've already shown courage by coming forward. Your primary role is to listen, thank them, and explain the next steps without involving them in the investigation.

DO Say (Phrases to Use):

* "Thank you so much for coming to me with this. I know this can be really difficult, and I want to acknowledge your courage in speaking up."

* "You've done the right thing by sharing this with me. It is my responsibility to make sure this is looked into properly."

* "I will now be taking this to our Safeguarding Coordinator to ensure we follow our church's policy and the law in Scotland."

* "For legal and professional reasons, I will not be able to share details of the investigation with you. This is to protect the integrity of the process and the privacy of everyone involved."

* "Your well-being is important to us. Is there anything I can do to support you right now, or is there anyone else you would like to speak to?"

* "If you remember any more details, no matter how small, please come back and tell me directly. Do not discuss this with anyone else."

DON'T Say (Phrases to Avoid):

* "I can't believe that happened." (Avoids judgment or disbelief)

* "I promise I won't tell anyone." (You must report it)

* "What do you think we should do?" (It's not their responsibility to decide)

* "Are you sure you saw that correctly?" (Avoids questioning their account)

* "Maybe it was just a misunderstanding." (Avoids minimizing the concern)

What to Say and Avoid: For the Person with an Allegation Against Them

This person must be treated with dignity and fairness. Your conversation with them must be strictly guided by external agencies.

DO Say (Phrases to Use):

* (After consultation with external agencies) "I am here to inform you that an allegation has been made. In line with our safeguarding policy, we have referred this to the appropriate external agencies, such as Adult Social Services and/or Police Scotland."

* "This is a serious matter, and we have a duty of care to ensure it is handled correctly by the professionals."

* "To ensure the safety of everyone and to protect you, we are placing some temporary restrictions on your duties. This is a neutral act and not a finding of guilt."

* "I want to make it clear that you have the right to seek independent legal advice. I strongly recommend you do so."

* "I understand this is a very difficult and distressing time. We want to support you pastorally through this process. We can arrange for a designated person to be a point of contact for you, who will not be involved in the investigation."

DON'T Say (Phrases to Avoid):

* "I'm so sorry this is happening to you." (Can be misinterpreted as an admission of guilt or a lack of belief in the victim)

* "I don't believe it." (Avoids pre-judging the outcome)

* "Tell me your side of the story." (This is the role of the police or social work. Do not investigate)

* "What do you think happened?" (Same as above, avoid investigating)

* "I know you would never do that." (Avoids bias and pre-judgment)

What to Say and Avoid: For the Alleged Victim (if a volunteer receives a direct disclosure)

A volunteer receiving a direct disclosure from an adult at risk must prioritise the person's safety and immediately refer the concern to the church's Safeguarding Team.

DO Say (Phrases to Use):

* "Thank you for trusting me with this."

* "I'm glad you told me. You did the right thing."

* "I need to share this with someone at the church who is trained to help, and then we will ensure you get the support you need."

DON'T Say (Phrases to Avoid):

* "Don't worry, it'll be okay." (Don't make promises you can't keep)

* "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" (Avoids placing blame)

* "Can you tell me more about what happened?" (Avoids investigating)

* "I promise I won't tell anyone." (You must report it)