Temper Tantrums: Why, How, and What To Do

Why is this important?

• Temper tantrums are upsetting for both you and your child, but they are common for toddlers.

• To minimize their occurrence, pay attention to triggers and do not give in to your child’s anger.

Angry Times

Tantrums often happen when a child is overstimulated, overtired, hungry, or bored. When a child has a tantrum, they lose control. With limited language skills, toddlers have a hard time expressing their needs.

During a temper tantrum:

• Stay calm. Focus on what you are teaching the child, not on what others think.

• Clearly and calmly tell them this behavior will not work.

• Give as little attention as possible to your child while still keeping them safe.

• Do not try to reason with the child. They have lost control and are too emotional to listen to you. Try saying, “I see that you are very upset. You will need to calm down before we can talk more. Can you take a deep belly breath?”

• Speak in a soothing voice to help them calm down.

• Remove your child from the situation gently but firmly.

After a temper tantrum:

• Comfort your child. Feeling out of control is upsetting, and they will need your comfort to feel safe again.

• When they have calmed down, explain that the tantrum was not okay, and they will not get what they want when they behave this way.

• Do not bribe or give in to your child! This reinforces negative behavior and encourages tantrums.

The best thing you can do is to prevent temper tantrums before they happen. Notice what frustrates your toddler, and think of ways to prevent that frustration. Try using a "temper tantrum log" to keep track of what might cause your child's temper tantrums. Once you see a pattern, it will be easier to prevent tantrums in the future.