AS9104

Name: Lien Ruelens

Emotional walls are often described as trust issues or boundaries on steroids, the affected person’s brain subconsciously stops them from opening up, expressing feelings and becoming potentially vulnerable around said person. These walls are most often seen in relationships, whether they are platonic, romantic or sexual does not matter. “Emotional walls are not usually conscious efforts to define yourself but unconscious efforts to protect yourself.” says Audrey Sherman from PsychCentral. These walls are in most cases caused by prior trauma that hurt them on an emotional level, their brain takes unnecessary precautions to keep the affected person ‘safe’, though it consists of mostly pushing people away when they get too close and disappointing themselves. They often come from someone betraying you like cheating, fake friends or someone going from friend to foe you could get serious subconscious trust issues, preventing you from having good emotional bonds in future relationships. Almost 25% of the population is emotionally unavailable or has some form of emotional walls, so you are not alone.

People with these walls often feel isolated and alone even when surrounded by friends, they feel empty and untouched on an emotional level. These ‘friends’ most likely have no idea what is going on behind the scenes or the person's prior trauma, thus giving no way to provide help. Therapy is always an option but is deemed useless when the person does not realise they’ve built these walls, if they did many don’t have the courage or will power to actually attend. The issue is not the cost or availability but with the person who needs one, getting a therapist is vital if you want to break down these walls. “A good therapist can help you explore the reasons you may feel emotionally unsafe in relationships.” says Jamie Daniel-Farrell from Life Connections Counseling. If no one provides help to these people they can spiral down into extreme loneliness and depression.

Ever since I moved here in 2018, my views have changed drastically. I learned to be accepting of all people, no matter who they are or how they feel. I have learned how important it is to have a positive mindset and good mental health, most prominently in teenagers. Seeing so many people struggle with sharing their feelings or shielding themselves from others, gave me a new sense of gratitude for my own life and bonds I have formed. Teenagers may not have fully built walls but often do experience the events that can lead to the construction of said walls in this period of time. Many of my friends struggle with their own mental health and I hope that I can help them through their struggles.

Over the past 25 year both the marriage and divorce rates have decreased, resulting in more single-parent families and more couples with separate houses. According to Dr Ramon Pink one quarter of these people are affected by some form of mental block or emotional walls that prevent them from having long-lasting relationships. The age that people enter long-term relationships is increasing causing a higher demand for housing. New Zealand has one of the highest percentages of single parent households coming to almost 20% of the population. To add on emotional walls, almost a third of the population struggles with mental health and relationships. Mental health has a huge impact on every aspect of your life, which is why it’s so important to have a good mental stability.

When I first learned about emotional walls, I didn’t think anyone around me could relate to these feelings, it seemed absurd. The longer I looked though, I began to see more and more symptoms in the people around me. I took a few actions to help spread awareness about emotional walls, to hopefully educate others, and help people who are struggling. Firstly, I researched what they were to give myself an idea of what I'm talking about. Then I looked at what effects and symptoms they showed, to help identify people in my own life with these issues. I talked to my friends, I explained the issue, how to help the people affected by it, and helped them share it with others. Using my research I created a spoken word poem I posted on youtube, I talked about how severe emotional walls can be and how to help others. I shared this video with as many people as possible and put it on the front page of my website. I continue to talk to others about this issue and spread awareness.

My own efforts to spread awareness were not as effective as I would have liked. Not many people viewed the video and many of my friends weren’t interested in talking about mental health. The youtube algorithm didn’t pick up the video or spread it on the platform, therefore not many were able to listen to it. However, I was able to help someone who was struggling to identify that they might be building some walls. Overall, my actions didn’t have a huge effect on those who needed it but I did ensure more people around me knew what to do if they ever experienced it themselves.

In the future I would find more ways to share my media/spread awareness, like getting an expert or therapist to speak in front of the class or potentially the school. I could’ve reached out to a bigger youtube channel for them to upload my poetry instead of posting on a completely new channel with 0 views. If I had produced my poem on a higher level it would have been more appealing to click on, I also would’ve posted it on other apps like facebook or instagram if I had the chance. Overall, I would put more effort in to really spread awareness around and get good information out there.