Separation Challenges

TIPS FOR PARENTS: 

When children are struggling with transitioning to school- remember to stay CALM, QUIET, FIRM, SMART

CALM- Relax and remember your child is safe and cared for at school, even though they are having big feelings and behaviors. Take deep breaths and model calm. 

QUIET - Use few words. Emotions overwhelm the listening and thinking parts of the brain. Emotional children literally can’t hear what adults are saying so use few words. 

FIRM- School is not a choice. Your child’s job is to go to school and learn. 

SMART- Understand children will test barriers, and will at times act out, yell, scream, and cry in order to get what they want. Once parents remove themselves from school, students generally calm and transition to class. 

Other tips: ● Assure your student is getting enough sleep- elementary students generally need 11 hours of sleep per night. ● Assure your student is healthy, and does not have any signs or symptoms of illness. ● Make and keep a bedtime and morning routine. Predictability is comforting to children. ● Breakfast is important – it is hard to learn or manage feelings and behaviors on an empty stomach. If your child is resisting breakfast at home, you can send it to school and s/he can eat here, once calm. ● Have your student ride the bus, if available. The bus becomes a predictable routine; these behaviors rarely occur for children who ride the bus. ● Make sure your student is on time for school daily; routine is comforting. ● Keep goodbyes quick, happy and brief. The longer a parent lingers, the more the parent reinforces the student’s emotions, which can escalate behaviors. ● Allow your child to bring a comfort object (a picture, special book, or other approved item). ● Model calmness: Children worry when their parents show signs of stress. A stressed parent can increase a child’s emotions and can increase challenging behaviors. Again, breathe and model calm. ● Even when there are not COVID restrictions, we encourage parents to resist the urge to walk into the building with your child. Entering school with them gives the message that they are not safe, capable and independent. In addition, parents are not to enter academic areas when their child is emotional as this can distract classroom learning and escalate the student’s avoidant feelings and behavior. If your child is unwilling to physically separate, due to COVID concerns, parents may spend time outside the building with the student until they are ready to separate or transition to the classroom, and staff will assist with the transition into the school. ● School recommends that parents NOT take a child home during or after a challenging transition. Taking your child home strongly reinforces the avoidant behavior. ● Resist the urge to visit or “check-in” during the day with your child, as doing so may also reinforce and escalate the behavior. You can always e-mail or call the school to see how the student is doing. ● Your school counselor/social worker will work with you and your child to assist in recognizing their feelings and behaviors, with the goal of managing their challenges so they can independently enter the school and classroom. ● If the child is having ongoing challenges transitioning to school, parents can choose to seek outside therapy to address concerns. 

Tips for dealing with separation anxiety:https://www.care.com/c/stories/5167/child-care-challenges-separation-anxiety/

Books:

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

The Kissing Hand