Your personal statement is not a lifetime biography. You are outlining your suitability for the course(s) you're applying for. Focus on detailing your experiences which demonstrate that you have the skills and attributes required.
It is easy to get very flowery and over the top with your language. e.g. " I yearn for the opportunity to further my passion"... this is too much. Show your enthusiasm through your examples rather than telling them. When you plan it out, use bullet points to focus in on the critical information. When you have laid it out as below, then fill in the sentences around it to complete your paragraphs.
Common Errors
Forgetting or Misusing Capital Letters
Using the same good adjectives to describe every good experience
Overlooking your sentences' apostrophes and possessive pronouns
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