CW: Suicidal ideation
I wonder if that’s why they spent my entirety
telling me what I am not
as if I don’t already know
I’m not the child
they wanted
but if I am so terrible, why did they stop me
is it because torturing
(the monster they passed down to me) makes them
happy
does it make them
happy
that I pray for God to bless me with death
(pill bottles and guns constantly possessing my mind)
does it make them
angry
knowing that one day
I just might find it
that night
was the closest thing I had
to happiness
to freedom
to light
and they took it away
you see the beast
so strip me of all signs of it
beat it into submission
watch it suffer
(even though
it’s not a monster
it’s a little girl who lost her way
she’s not a box of Legos
you can tear down and build back up
that’s not how this works
you can’t keep the parts you like and
throw away the rest)
but it’s okay
they’ll feel it soon
wrath of their mistakes
I’ll find it and
they’ll realize
who the true monster was