Start as acquaintances, two people who tangentially know each other. Lend a hand when he asks he’ll do the same for you. And then you pull away, say you’re too tired or too busy to deal with him. Offer everyone in the room something but when it comes to him, say you ran out, or only make enough for everyone but him. Take the same path as him in the halls but make sure to go with all of your friends and make it known that you’re having a good time. Let your acquaintanceship dwindle, lines that intersect only for a short while.
You silently followed them, sticking to the shadows so only a few could see you.
Tug on people's shirts to get them to places you know they need to go. Be a quiet but aggressive presence that gives others a slight push but no one knows who did because you're too shy to admit it was you. You stopped talking because all of your conversations became vapid. Reiterating the same few points, and being left in limbo. After a while you forget how to even try. Accepting the fact that you're invisible to people but is the mere presence they will tell stories about until you're their good luck moment.
Spend a whole summer whispering promises. Tell her you love her, hold her until her hands come to know your shoulders like old friends. Tell her that she’s really the one, kiss her like you won’t ever see her again, love her like she’s the only girl in the world. And then, once she’s asleep, carve another notch in her bedpost and slip out the window.
Tell her you want to stay friends and pretend that nothing happened. Start dating a new girl. Cuddle and kiss her at a few parties and when hanging out with friends.
Silence every phone call and ignore every text. When you run into her somewhere, act surprised and say your phone must be broken. Do it again. Ignore her invite to a New Year party and wait until you see her post about moving on from toxic people. She won’t call you after that.
Tell your best friend that they would always have a place in your heart and then leave town to never be seen ever again.
Do not respond to any of their texts. Pretend like they do not exist anymore. Do not send them any more smoke signals from the chimney. Do not write them any letters. Don’t even make eye contact with them. You shouldn’t even email them anymore. Act like they have the wrong phone number every time they text your phone. Pretend to be a complete stranger who kindly tells them that you must’ve changed your number. Then, change all your social media handles and unfollow them.
Pretend like they don’t even exist. It is a sad truth that you must face. And an even sadder realization that you won’t see them again.
4.
Reassure your brother that you will never leave him,
that you can’t wait to watch him grow up
and become an amazing person.
3.
Tell him that your life is really turning around,
that you’re learning more and more about yourself
and you feel like you understand.
2.
Then really turn around,
dye your hair black, move to Vermont
and rent a cabin all for yourself.
1.
Leave him all your cash and a small, meaningless gift
at his graduation.
0.
Never look back.
Tell your family that you were leaving to get milk or cigarettes and never come back. Quit your job, move to another state and marry into a wealthy family. Then you won’t have to work for what you get.
Stand between your parents and notice the distance between them. Stare at the old, white-haired judge in front of you. Make a choice.
You know that there was a point where everyone was happy. You know this from the pictures on the wall where they told you to smile and from the stories you’ve read where families laugh and hug. You know that you don’t remember any of this, but it happened.
Tell your sister that our mother will be home any second now. Make sure she stays happy, satisfied, and clueless. Speak with her when you are sure there’s no room for lies. She is devastated.
Chainsmoke a pack a day and in the hospital, with your grandchildren right next to you, wonder how they are going to remember you. Or if they will, with their hair still baby blond.
If you are content with the present, keep walking. Looking back will taint those before you and turn them to stone. If you are not content, keep walking. You will find a massive stone corridor with two diverging and unlit hallways that smell of lavender, there will be people in there on the sides and the paintings hanging along the walls. They will stare at you and there isn’t anything you can do, the hallways stretch on forever, and there will be hands to grab your legs gently. Ignore this. Once at the end of the hallway, turn back and you will awake in your bed and shout at the top of your lungs in utmost fear, where a woman will greet you with comfort.