Cats Really Mean Good

“Don’t stack ‘em Ronald,” Steve yelled from outside the fridge, “just throw all the cans in the bags.”

“Yessir,” Ronald yelled over the grocery store alarm.

“Alright hurry up, we got one more bag, after that, we’re out of he—”

“Meow.”

“Uh, what was that,” Ronald asked.

“I don’t know, just keep throwing tuna cans in the bag,” Steve ordered.

“Meow.”

“Ay, uh, Steve, what’s happening?” Ronald asked.

“Nothing, nothing, just hand me the bags and we can leave this pla—” Steve looked over and freezed, “ahhh shit, it’s Super Meow Meow.”

“What?” Ronald yelled.

Steve began to run with the bags of tuna slung over his back but he didn’t make it far when Super Meow Meow shot his whiskers at his back, making him face plant right by the door. Ronald turned around and is face to face with Super Meow Meow. He tried to get out of the fridge but Super Meow Meow threw out a litter box bomb, hindering his vision, making him run into a shelf of tuna.

“Meow, meow, meow, meow-meow,” Super Meow Meow said.

The police arrived at the scene, finding nothing but a man with whiskers in him and a man with litter all over him. Confused, the police detained the two, put back the tuna cans, and then inspected the crime scene.

“What the hell was this?” One cop asked. “It looks like a cat got them.”

“A cat did,” the police chief said. “Super Meow Meow is his name. He’s been taking down all the crime for the past seven years.”

The other police looked at each other, confused, wondering if the chief was going insane.

“Whatever boys, we’ll let this feline do the work,” the chief said. “Pack it up.”

“Hey boss, we got some bad news,” a henchman said, “Operation Tuna Number 15 got busted.”

“Meow? MEOW MEOW,” Boss Mitten screamed, furious his tuna is gone and his operation is exposed. “What happened meow?”

“It was him again sir,” a henchman responded.

“MEOW, damnit, I knew it.” 

Frustrated, Boss Mittens headed over to his scratching post and started to go at it, scratching it bare. “Go find him, boys,” Boss Mittens said. “I need him gone meow.”

Startled at the random command, the henchman grabbed their stuff and left the warehouse, dispersing all over the city, looking in every alleyway. Finally, after a few hours, they found Super Meow Meow sleeping in a cardboard box. Easily, they capture him and feed him sleeping catnip. The henchman arrived back at the warehouse, dumping Super Meow Meow into a chair, tying him down. 

Boss Mittens approaches. “Hey brother, long time no see,” Boss Mittens said. “You’re a pretty easy catch, figuring you’re a superhero but then, long days and catnip get us sleepy, don’t it?”

“Meow meow meow, let me out,” Super Meow Meow said, struggling to escape the chair. Boss Mittens laughed and continued to speak to him, realizing after a few sentences Super Meow Meow is staring right at him. 

“What is it brother?” Boss Mittens asked.

“Look down,” Super Meow Meow said. 

A mouse toy bomb sat right beneath Super Meow Meow’s chair, counting down from five seconds.

“This city has had enough of you, it’s time to put an end to all of this once and for all,” Super Meow Meow said, bracing for the explosion.

“NOOOOO!” Boss Mittens yelled.

BOOM!