Ditties

Above image is the Minesweeper HMS Hubberston (M1147), one of the RN vessels attached to Ganges

The naval term "ditties" describes the practice of telling witty stories to messmates - particularly aboard seagoing warships in the case of the RN.  Below is a collection of those submitted by classmates and our 320 Class Instructor, Malcolm Allard.

Laundry capers

Dennis Barnard - Can anyone remember the time spent in the laundry, besides the washing? I recall quite vividly the skylarking and jumping into the large bath full of water. We used to run and jump into one end and slide down the edge and went right to the other end. The bow wave created splashed water all over the floor. If I recall it correctly, wasn't it all in who could displace the most water? The taps were full on so it kept the bath topped up. What a waste of water, but what fun it was in those days.'

We also remember the stories about "Green Gilbert" - the ghost of Laundry Hill. This was probably a scam dreamed up by the boneheads to keep us quiet in our beds at night, but not many of us wandered out late at night to do our laundry!

Main site

Colin Smith - I remember marching under the long covered way and singing “sound off 1, 2” - oh what fun we had!  Didn’t we stay in two messes, 10 (or 24?) and 17?  What a way to spend a Friday evening polishing the floor with a boot brush, although there was a lot of pride felt when it was done and woe behold anyone who scuffed the floor!  I remember in later years just after I got married and my wife and I were having visitors.  Like many women everything has to be perfect and my wife, Maureen, allocated me to cleaning the bathroom. When I asked her where we kept the “brasso,” she gave me a look of complete confusion. However, my cleaning efforts would have passed any Pusser’s inspection with flying colours!

I also remember being in the Sick Bay twice - once when I broke my wrist playing rugby for the First 15 against Felixstowe Grammar.  Light duties were given to me for six weeks, which as it turned out meant me wearing No 3’s and being excused marching!  I never quite understood this as it was my wrist and not my leg that was broken!  The other time in Sick Bay I had a chest infection and was admitted to the ward and underwent a daily penicillin jab. One SBA took great delight in throwing the needle into the buttocks of juniors as if he was Phil Taylor!

I remember watching Bonnie & Clyde in the gym sat on the balcony at the back - this is still my favourite movie!

Skiing Trip to Scotland

John Nixon recalls the skiing trip to Glen Shee in Scotland and the nightmarish trips in the back of a pusser's lorry from base camp to the ski slopes each day.  We had to collect our lunch packs and a massive urn of soup, which we loaded into the back of the lorry, and then spent what seemed like several hours being rolled around in the back feeling sick and cold.'  

Dennis Barnard: 'I also recall the truck trip to the snow fields.  It was a long trip and not so comfortable as I recall, wooden seats.  Does anyone remember Smithy waking up at the base on our return with a black face from the road spray?  Mick Ross says he was injured that week and missed all the 'fun.' Lucky Mick!

Colin Smith recalls that you need boots to ski and they never had any size 10’s, so it was tobogganing all week for me.  It was hilarious and I remember ‘Tip’ O'Keefe being out of control heading down the hill towards a group of skiers and at the last minute one skier noticed him, opened his legs and Tip flew through resulting in uncontrollable laughter. However, the journey there and back each day was a nightmare!

Terry Rice explains that when we got to the ski slopes on the first day he picked out a great pair of skis that were just the right size for him. However, an accompanying officer said he 'wasn't coming on a skiing expedition with us and not skiing himself,' so he ordered Terry to hand over his which left Terry ski-less! This meant that for the rest of the week he had to go tobogganing with some of the other lads who didn't get a pair of skis either! However, although he didn't get a skiing medal because of this he had a lot more fun!

Sea Training

Colin Smith - Sea training onboard the WW2 destroyer HMS Rapid at Faslane comes to mind - what an experience sleeping in a hammock was, and who was it that woke me up asking to hold onto the hammock tie?  I also remember a shore trip to Dunfermline with Terry Rice and we went to the pictures. When the film started an usherette came round and turned down the gas mantles!  We then went to a local bar and asked for a pint of bitter. "Heavy or light?" came the reply. “Which is the cheapest?” I asked. We then went sea training on the Rapid, and later spent some time in Aberdeen, where Mick Ross went missing for some R&R no doubt with his family.

What a pantomime!

Colin Smith remembers playing the part of Captain Napper and dishing out some discipline to an upstart young junior (played by our first Main Establishment badge boy, Pete Ruddock).  Obviously it all went wrong and the Captain (i.e. me) ended up with egg on his face, to great applause from the lads and a frown from the skipper.  My career did seem to nose dive thereafter!  I would also like to apologise to everyone that I made up a false pit (bed) for, tied their boot laces together, or any other misdemeanours I took part in – some of which I cannot repeat here!