Program community agreements

Our program is committed to upholding these principles to ensure our courses, advising, and program as a whole is a courageous space for all students, staff, and faculty. 

Community agreements have many names: participation guidelines, community expectations, group contract, code of conduct, etc. Regardless of the title, these documents aim to set the tone, address inter-relational dynamics, and establish shared understandings between members of a workgroup.  In a learning community, like ours, these points of agreement provide the support needed to deepen our collective engagement and do the hard work. 

“When I listen with the heart, I stop playing the game of non-listening. In other words, I step inside the other’s skin; I walk in her shoes; I attempt to see things from her point-of-view; I establish eye contact; I give her conscious attention; I reflect my understanding of her words; I question; I attempt to clarify…I grant her worth.” 

- Loretta Girzaitis, author

The Parent and Family Education program has adapted the following agreements from a range of sources. Our program is committed to upholding these principles to ensure our courses, advising, and program as a whole is a courageous space for all students, staff, and faculty. A guiding assumption for these agreements is: We may be familiar with different manifestations, but we agree that our society (and university) is shaped by intersecting systems of inequity - racism, sexism, ableism, transphobia, classism, xenophobia, colonialism and more. (glossary of terms).

NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING; TOGETHER WE KNOW A LOT

We understand that regardless of our educational and intellectual achievement, we have all been taught misinformation about experiences that differ from our own. We trust one another to reflect on how our socio-cultural subject positions influence the ways we do (and do not) take up space, the voices we privilege, and the kinds of knowledge we value. 

In any conversation, especially ones about systemic power (race, class, gender, etc), we know that each person is coming to the conversation with different levels of lived experience and embodied expertise. We also believe that each person has something to contribute to the conversation. This agreement asks that we all practice being humble, and look for what we have to learn from each person in the room. It asks us to share what we know, as well as our questions, so that others may learn from us.

ACKNOWLEDGE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INTENT AND IMPACT

We assume we are all doing the best we can. When someone does or says something that causes harm or supports the values of oppressive systems, often it is not their intention to do so. But when we use our good intentions to deny (or avoid being accountable for) the harm, more harm is caused. The task in this community agreement is that we each do the work to acknowledge that our intent and the impact of our actions are two different things. It is a collective responsibility for us all to identify and “call in, instead of call out” when impact does not match intent. It is also important to acknowledge the impact and make amends, which includes apologizing. 

WELCOME DISCOMFORT AND VULNERABILITY

We respect the difference between discomfort and harm. We know that often-times the deepest learning comes when we are pushed outside our comfort zone. We acknowledge that we enter into this work with varying levels of familiarity and vulnerability.  It is a collective responsibility to question and name how power is operating in a class discussion.

ENGAGEMENT LOOKS DIFFERENT FOR DIFFERENT PEOPLE

We welcome all types of engagement. If you’re someone who tends to not speak a lot, please move up into a role of speaking more. If you tend to speak a lot, please move up into a role of listening more. In both experiences, growth is happening. Listening is a frequently feminized skill that is often seen as a lack of something. On the contrary, choosing to learn how to listen moves both you and the group up.

SILENCE IS POWERFUL

We will hold the possibilities of silence with curiosity, openness, and non-judgment. Silence does not imply any of the following: consent; discontent; agreement; disagreement; comfort; discomfort; awkwardness; understanding; misunderstanding. 

WE CAN’T BE ARTICULATE ALL THE TIME

As much as we may wish we could! Often people feel hesitant to participate in a workshop or meeting for fear of “messing up” or stumbling over their words. We want everyone to feel comfortable participating, even if you don’t feel you have the perfect words to express your thoughts. 

EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES

Including facilitators! We recognize that everyone makes mistakes during the learning and unlearning process. We commit to responding with patience, graciousness, and compassion.

ONE PERSON, ONE MIC

Please, one person speak at a time.(It can also be useful to ask people to leave a few moments in between speakers, for those who need more time to process words, or are less comfortable interjecting in a conversation. We also respect and offer one another the “right to pass.” .

BE AWARE OF TIME

This is helpful for your facilitator, and helps to respect everyone’s time and commitment. Please come back on time from breaks, and refrain from speaking in long monologues.

EMBRACE CURIOSITY 

We make better decisions when we approach our problems and challenges with questions (“What if we…?”) and curiosity. Allow space for play, curiosity, and creative thinking.

NOTE: There are a few community agreements that participants often bring up that we don’t tend to use or bring with us. Two of the most common ones are “assume best intentions” and “default to trust.” The reason we don’t use these is because when someone is unable to do this (say they’re feeling untrusting of someone, or unsafe), having a community agreement telling them to do so isn’t going to change anything. These agreements aren’t always realistic, especially when we take into consideration that when people have been harmed by sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, they/we build up necessary tools to care for and protect themselves/ourselves. Agreements we offer instead that capture the spirit of these are “we can’t be articulate all the time,” “be generous with each other,” or “this is a space for learning.”

This document adapted from:

• AORTA:  Anti-Oppression Resource and Training Alliance

• https://aorta.coop/portfolio_page/anti-oppressive-facilitation/

  • (Some of these were developed/adapted by AORTA, others have been crowdsourced over time from our broader galaxy of facilitation colleagues.)

• University of MN TAI training