Fiction

海に漂う薔薇

（Roses floating in the Sea）

Haru stepped out onto the beach, the wave-tumbled stones biting her bare feet. The wind whipped her hair against her shoulders, stinging more with each step towards the water. The sky was dark, and the wind threatened to freeze her before she made it to the water, but it didn’t matter. It was welcoming. Whatever lied in the briny depths of the ocean for her was better than looking back. The first wave came crashing up the rocks and covered her ankles, frigid then burning until it faded to numb, just like the rest of her. The sky cried for her just as the waves took her home. The salt stung her eyes and nose, freezing water rushing past her body and pulling her under. The waves cradled her as she let herself sink. Something about the water rushing over her body made her feel at peace, despite the freezing tide pulling her around. The waves sang a sorrowful lullaby to her water-filled ears, and she couldn’t help but feel serene as her consciousness washed away from her body.

It was warm. Haru buried herself deeper under the thick plush blanket, wishing that she would never need to wake up. The blanket smelled like the bleach-cleaned bedding at the fancy condo on the coast her grandma let her stay at for her birthday every couple years. A weird smell to love but she always slept well on those trips. They always felt so special, despite the dread of having to spend time with said grandma.

 Like a wave breaking up over a cliff, the realization hit that Haru didn’t know where she was. She had no idea whose blanket this was. It certainly wasn’t hers. She shot up from the covers, her heart drummed like taiko in her ears. She was scared.

 Looking around, she didn’t see anyone. She was laying on a couch with a glass coffee table in front of it. Off to the right of the couch, there was a dining table and just past it, there was a sliding glass door. Haru slid from the couch and walked as quietly as she could across the rough carpet to the door. The view felt ethereal. A rose garden overlooked the ocean. Looking directly out from the door, there was an arch with vine roses growing over it. The view of the sea through the arch felt like a gateway to some heaven. It felt like a part of Haru that she had long forgotten. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Haru spun around to find a man setting two steaming mugs on the coffee table. She hadn’t heard him enter the room. A thought came to her mind - Phantom. 

“Where am I?” Haru said, a bit more rudely than she had intended. 

“ I found you drowning during the storm and brought you home.”

The storm. She’d forgotten all about it. The sky was clear and sunny now, a stark contrast to the deep gray that occupied her memories of that night. 

“What’s your name?” Haru muttered.

“You can call me Luce.” the man sang. “I made tea.”

He glanced up at her and she met his green eyes with hers. He was almost too beautiful to be human. She made her way back to the couch and the plush blanket to inspect her tea. 

“It's a blend of rose and jasmine tea. It’s not poisoned, I swear.”

“Well I wouldn’t expect you to save me to kill me.” Haru giggled. She took a sip of the tea and melted. It was way better than the oversteeped black tea she’d had at home. 

An awkward silence fell between them for no more than a few seconds before Luce spoke up. It was a question that she dreaded, and yet felt compelled to answer truthfully.

“ Why don’t you want to live?”

“ I…. I wake up every morning dreading the expectations that everyone has for me. It’s always ‘You need to get a job!’ and ‘Here’s 3 hours of homework for each of your 6 classes! Have it done by midnight!’ I just can’t keep up. If being alive means I have to work myself to death, I’d rather just die by my own means. I’ve fallen into this horrible lonely numbness. It’s all I can do to just keep myself from crumbling under the pressure. No matter where I look, I’m never good enough, whether it’s my grades or my body. Trying to even find clothes that fit me right and don’t look ugly as hell feels like even my body is defective. ”

“ I’ll stop you there. If that’s the case, how about we go for a walk through the garden to get your mind off that. I’m not here to make you feel like trash.”

The thought of exploring that garden immediately made her feel better.

“ Sure, but I don’t have my shoes.”

“ Hang on just a sec,” Luce said as he ran around the corner and back with her shoes in hand. “ These were left on the beach. I assume they’re yours.”

“Thanks,” she said with a bittersweet tinge as she pulled the sneakers over her feet. “ I didn’t think I’d be seeing these again.”

As the sliding glass door opened, a cool breeze washed over them. It felt like a drink of cold water or a breath of clean air. Refreshing? Vitalizing. Luce stepped out in front of her and they began the tour.

“Welcome to The Garden of Home,” Luce announced.” If you turn your attention to your feet, you will see creeping thyme between the stones we’re standing on. Their tiny purple flowers add childlike whimsy to the path that leads us, and if you look up beneath the leaves of this rose bush, the light shining through it will show you the map of its life. Every little existence in this garden, whether it’s the mushrooms growing in the shade of the trees, the iridescent bugs living in the plants, the soft emerald moss, or even just the sky hung above us, they all are wonders of life. When you take the time to look at the world like a child learning how to be a person, you’ll begin to see that you’re more than allowed to be happy. The world may as well exist just for you. Whether you’re the most beautiful and loved person in existence or a beggar on the street, what’s important is that you’re alive. Of course, if you decide that there really is nothing left for you in the world, you’re welcome to make your own decision, but I pose this question to you Haru.”

“Yes?”

“Will you wake up?”

Coughing and sputtering, Haru dragged herself back onto the beach with every ounce of energy her frozen body could muster. She felt something burning in her. A sorrowful but beautiful burn and she was relieved to know that she was alive.