“Don’t worry, it won’t hurt at all!”

I looked at her. She still thought I was worried about the procedure itself. I picked up one of the brochures sitting on the table and started thumbing through it. The pages were colored simply with shades of lime and gray. The pictures were beautiful. Inoffensive, but there was nothing interesting about it either. Just like Paradise.

A tiny bit of physical discomfort was the last thing I was worried about. Completely insignificant compared to how my life would change. Why was I being so hesitant? I should consider myself lucky. Few people had the opportunity to get a one-way ticket to permanent bliss.

But it was truly one-way. No going back. Not because I wouldn’t be able to. I wouldn’t want to. I wouldn’t think about where I was in the world, only whether I’m at the right house for the party. No need to think about choices and their consequences. The same thing everyday. Over and over and over again without any fear of getting bored. Oh the marvels of technology.

"Any other questions?” I realized I’d been staring idly at the brochure for several minutes. Her smile was radiant, but I caught a tiny glimpse of judgement in her eyes. She didn’t understand why I was hesitating. Eternal happiness or…? The second part doesn’t even matter. Or does it? “Let me write the check,” I said.

She smiled expectedly. “Wonderful. I have everything prepared already”

She’s not surprised by my answer. She knew all along. She’s surprised by how much time I’ve taken to decide, I thought to myself.

“We can get you admitted immediately if that’s what you wish. Any last things to take care of? Family to contact?”

“No, no family,” I replied curtly. Damn, why had she asked about that? I desperately wished they could sedate me faster. To get this over with.

A few nurses came in and put me in a bed. I watched the ceiling tiles whisking by, one after the other, as they wheeled me along. Streaks of whites and grays blurring together. I felt the sting of an IV needle being pushed into my arm. I knew that would be the last physical pain I’d ever feel. My vision began to darken as I slowly lost consciousness. The rest of the pain would soon be gone too.

I would be happy, but I don’t know what that means anymore.