Fiction 

I wish it would stop. My parents screaming at each other, things shattering as they're thrown to the floor, sirens blaring along the streets, and impatient car horns. It never ends. My parents are both drunks, they say they try their hardest but I know that's all complete bullshit. It’s all an excuse. If they tried hard then maybe they wouldn’t fight so much, if they tried hard then I wouldn’t be covered in bruises and scars, if they tried hard then maybe I wouldn’t starve for days on end, if they tried hard then maybe I’d be happy.

I can feel the warmth of the sun caressing my skin. I haven’t felt this warmth in a long time. It’s nice. The rustling grass brings comfort to my ears, a break from the city noise. An escape from reality, the reality I never want to go back to. I feel at peace, but I still fear what's to come. I want to lay here in this meadow forever, but when will this peace end? Is this all a dream? Do I have to go back to the nightmares of my life, the things I dread most in this world? 

My father slamming open my bedroom door had woken me up. Crap, it was really just a dream. I knew it was too good to be true. 

“Kaylee! Go clean up the living room, I have a hangover and I don’t feel like dealing with your mom”

“You and Mom were the ones who made that mess”, I said under my breath

Fathers expression said everything. He heard me. 

“WHO GIVES A DAMN WHETHER YOU MADE THE MESS OR NOT, I'M YOUR GODDAMN FATHER SO YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU!” 

He grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me to the living room. It hurts, but I know if I were to say something it would only do more harm than good. 

“Now get to work”, he told me sternly.

Mom and Dad seem as though they are always out to get me, Dad especially. They have nothing better to do anyways.

 Not even five minutes have gone by and my parents left the house. They are probably out drinking again, it’s all but an endless cycle. I'm not even sure how I still have a roof over my head. Broken glass of beer bottles is everywhere, it reeks. I feel as though I have to clean this up everyday; Another endless cycle. I want to go back to my dream, I want to be in the fresh air, toasted by the sun, and listening to the peaceful rustling of grass. I want to feel all those foreign emotions again. With how my lifes been going I believe that my dream is just it’s way of showing me the things I can never have. I’ve barely convinced myself to accept that.

Mom and Dad aren’t home yet, I wonder if they are even coming back home tonight. Honestly I don’t give a damn if they don’t come back home tonight or even weeks from now, it would be better that way. No yelling or crashing sounds. When they’re gone it’s the closest thing to content that my life will allow.

A few days have gone by and every time I fall asleep I go back to that peaceful meadow. I've gotten to the point where I can even walk around and explore new parameters. I’ve been finding myself in brighter moods. Mom and dad had eventually made it back home. Dad hates my brighter mood, he hates seeing me having a taste of happiness. I have a new collection of bruises because of it. Maybe he’s trying to beat that small bit of happiness out of me. Mom could care less of what I do or how I feel, she’s too busy hooking up with people and getting drunk to even notice a change. I plan on leaving this place, going somewhere where no one can cause me pain anymore, somewhere I can feel at peace, somewhere I don’t feel lost, somewhere within my dreams.

It took me lot’s of thought but I’m finally leaving. Where I’m going cannot just be defined in words; It’s somewhere only I can go. A place only I can find a way to, for it’s not on this miserable earth. This miserable earth that I am glad to leave.

My childhood was considerably easy, my parents were divorced but it never felt like I had to choose between one or the other. My mother, Clair, was a CNA at one of the hospitals in our town, Santa Clarita. My father, Maurice, owned a car repair shop which had his own apartment above it. We were never short on money, we were just short on the time we spent together. I was an only child so It would get pretty lonely but I learned easily to take care of myself. Due to my mothers schedule there wasn’t a set plan on which parent’s place I would be staying at, It varied often. During holiday’s Father would come over to Mother’s place so that they could both spend the time with me. Both of their families lived too far away and traveling would’ve been more work than it’s worth so, It was just us three. 

In my adolescence I was able to choose which parent's place I'd like to stay at. Most of the time I'd be at my father's since it was easy to contact him while he was at work, and I could easily visit him when I got bored or started to feel lonely. Everytime I would go down to see Father, he would have me help him work on one of the cars. It was a bonding moment for us and we both enjoyed it. My school wasn’t far from fathers place either, so my friends and I would stop by and grab lunch. Mom wasn’t always home when I decided to stay at her place, she would always get called into work or she would be sleeping due to exhaustion from working the previous day. 

My sophomore year of high school, I met my best friend Cathy. Her parents were very care-free so she spent most nights at my place. She loved helping out at my Fathers shop, and he enjoyed the help. Our schedules at school were very different so the only time we would get to see each other was during lunch. We hung out everyday after school though, which made up for the lack of seeing each other within school hours. 

I got my first boyfriend towards the end of sophomore year, his name was Michael. We had 3 classes together and would hang out a lot before we had started dating. The first time we hung out after school, we went to an arcade and he kissed me. I can remember my face feeling so warm. It was a good thing I couldn’t see the redness of my face or else I would've been even more embarrassed. After that we had decided to go out. Michael was very nice to me, though he didn’t really get along with Cathy. They would always bicker, and find some stupid thing to argue about. They seemed a lot like siblings. 

I had gotten a job the summer before junior year. I was a lifeguard. I didn’t like my job but I wanted to make money and they were the first ones to accept my application. I worked from mid June to the beginning of August. Cathy would always visit me and make sure I stayed hydrated. Michael was on a family trip to Europe, so I didn’t see him until the end of july. When he was back, he would come to the pool, and give me company between my shifts. Other than work, I spent most of my summer at my Fathers place trying not to die of heat. 

I was able to get through my Junior and senior year of high school without any struggles. Cathy and I continued our routine of hanging out most of our free time, and Michael and I stayed steady. Before graduation, Michael and I decided that it would be best to break up, since he would be going to college abroad, and we both weren’t ready for a long distance relationship. I took a gap year because I was still unsure of what I wanted for my future. I knew I wanted to attend college but I wasn't sure what my passion was yet. Knowing what I didn’t want to do was way easier than knowing what I wanted to do.