ANNIVERSARY
Anniversary
Anniversary letter from Angela ( also at the beyond orange link ) :
A year ago, (more or less) I had just returned from Australia to New Zealand and there was made aware of the abuse website and statements. In Oz I had been in contact with my friends from yidl times, and we talked a lot about the ashram and our individual experiences since we had left and I felt encouraged to share my experiences on the web.
During my stay I spent some time at a healer’s house, having sessions. She asked me if I had ever actually given notice of my intention to leave yidl and informed swampy that he would no longer be my master.
As it was, I had just left without giving notice.
She said it was important from a healing perspective to perform this act, and suggested I should just get hold of a picture of the man and we would work with the picture. This was not an option for me, as looking at the image made me feel angry and disgusted.
Shortly after my return to Auckland from Oz, I went to an Indian shop, and believe it or not there was swampy beaming out of a poster in the shop window.
It was announcing his satsang that same evening at the Onehunga yoga centre, not far from our place in Auckland.
At home I had just enough time to inform my partner and write a quick letter to swampman, in which I stated I was no longer a disciple and out of yidl.
I was ready to give this to him in case I was unable to get my message across to him verbally.
My partner was aware of the ashram stories and my sexual encounters with swampman and guru gee, and was happy to stand with me at the yoga centre, but not interested in being dragged into a conversation with swampman.
So we drove to the Centre and sat in the foyer while we waited for the “lecture” to finish. While my partner watched and listened to the proceedings I got the feeling he could not believe I had once been a member of such a group. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, and just wanted to get it done and go.
Even though we were outside the main auditorium I could hear what swampman was saying. I had a hard time to sit and wait and watch it once more: all I wanted was to get in there and get it done.
Anyway in short I buttonholed him, where upon he expressed with a loving smile his delight at seeing me, and asked me to sit at his feet and talk a little. I found myself falling under the old spell, with my brain going blank and knees weak.
I knew in that state I was better off simply saying I was there to say goodbye, give him my letter then leave. So that is what I did.
Afterward, although I knew on a conscious level that I had done the right thing I was confused and sad.
A part of the old bhakta, devotee and brainwashed cult child still lurked somewhere in me.
I had thought to celebrate my freedom that evening, but went to bed early and hurting.
I knew I had not dealt fully with my ashram past, but I was staggered to realise that I was still somewhat under the spell of the cultleader.
I had left the ashram in 2006 and taken the first step toward reclaiming my life.
Now it was 2010; I had unfinished business and it was time to open the closet, drag the ghosts out and deal with them.
The rest is history, with high profile print articles, a TV expose, and multiple posts on the site from people having similar experiences to mine.
Being in contact with other women who had been set up in the same way was uplifting.
Although at times very intense, completing my own “exorcism process” was straightforward, with an absence of any doubt or confusion. I am glad it is over.
By the end of 2011 I had met many of those who made up the real “Ex yidl family”, as Tony calls them.
Many of them helped me, and I would like to give credit to some outstanding people.
Firstly a big Thank You to the creator of the original website, Falseswamiji. He gets my 2011 Award for his guts and persistence keeping the site running and updated. Especially for the amazing new site, where all the important detail on the subject can be found. I am very grateful to him. He is an outstanding character, in a class of his own.
Second, my Awards for 2012 go to Roman and Tony, who created a forum which has become the Ex yidl base camp.
The general exchange of thoughts and views found there mean the world to me.
The new forum is even better; so thank you my friends for all your efforts and time. Words cannot fully express my compliments.
I cannot name everyone who was helpful to me, as many would rather remain anonymous and that is fine by me.
To all those who supported the women through their forum posts: thank you.
To everyone who supported me practically and emotionally during my Europe tour last summer: one big Thank You.
To all the devotees who were brave enough to share their sexual experiences with swampy on the web: Thank you.
And last but not least, Thank You to my partner, who has been my biggest supporter and sounding board day and night.
2011 was a difficult year for many of us, but it saw a growing, credible and organized group of people exposing the methods of the man from Rupawas , Rajasthan and gradually disrupting his activities worldwide.
His usual schedule is off the agenda and he slowly runs out of excuses not to come to Vienna.
No yidl representative has had the balls to speak with me on the record.
Their efforts have been directed at portraying me as someone of low moral character, and a prostitute among other things. I believe these low tactics are a good indicator of their spiritual integrity......
My wish is that swampman acknowleges the abuse we were subjected to, and faces the consequences.
This is the only way those still in yidl will be made aware of the real nature of the organisation they have devoted their lives to.
Anything less will mean ongoing denial, and good people continuing to be ripped off spiritually, financially and morally.
Many disciples made the big call to leave yidl based on what came together in the last year, and the appearance of this group has likely reinforced to those who left years ago that this was the correct thing to do.
Happy Anniversary! :-)
Angela
I can be contacted under
take your pick, all 3 serve the same purpose