Chapter 6 - challenge to LOVE in the community and in marriage
It is significant, that our community has on its website topic about divorce and not about marriage. I think it is because marriage is not actual FOR COMMUNITY or that they try to avoid the topic which they have made strange and questionable conclusions about.
Marriage is very actual topic outside our community (whether it is allowed to marry for homosexual people etc). It would be logical to start with explanations about marriage, about its meaning, value and importance, but in above mentioned topic (about divorce) there are only two minor paragraphs, which explain the meaning of marriage.
Nevertheless, raising the question about divorce, community admits, that it is a problem in our society. Knowing, which challenges marriage entails, it is in the Bible seen rather as a place to exercise the Jesus' love, and nothing as something one must avoid. Marriage demands real love, in order to last. To love your husband, to love your wife is not something selfish. Jesus identifies Himself with his community, and relationship between husband and wife is compared with community and Jesus (Ephesians 5:22-30):
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--
30 for we are members of his body.
As an remark to this passage - we see, that Jesus' love must be experienced as caring. That really cares, and does not hate (verse 29). Our caring words of love are compared with water (verse 26), that would give justification for community's interpretation of 'assessing love'. But having in mind 1 Cor 13. which describes Pauline concept about love, then we may see, that it is different from community's standard, which washes away not only the dirty things in our lives, but washes away the members themselves. This brainwashing has led many excluded ones to see also the exclusion as an expression of love.
I would see these exclusions rather similar to divorce, and not similar to love. Mostly the reasons for divorce are not caused from one side. I think, that the same applies to our community's exclusions. Also would one or both parts of the divorced ones argue, that they don't have anymore the 'common ground' to live together etc. The same arguments would give also our community, excluding somebody. But 1 Cor 13:7 says about love:
"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Therefore, it causes cold shivers to hear from excluded ones, that our community's exclusions are said to be acts of love. Paradoxically, the same excluded ones, who still keep praising and defensing community, want often to go back to community. But community doesn't let them to rejoin. Very often community even refuses their trials to get into contact with community. It is again temptation to give a 'loving admonisment' in the manner community does it: "And this is love?" or: "And that is love, which gives wish to go along with somebody two miles, when one forces to go only one mile?" But I shouldn't forget, that only community with right teaching is eligible for asking something like that.
Because there are in the community so many exclusions ('divorces') because of sexual sins, I would raise here the question, whether our community has made the right decision, choosing individually and collectively the practice of loving Jesus as single, leading an unmarried life? Most of the following thoughts are taken from my comments to the blog on the website http://followchrist2.blogspot.com/ It is my discussion about marriage with somebody Anonymous, who was also in our community and defends communiity concerning marriage. R.A. are initials of mine.
Anonymous said:
"According to the flesh I my self know the sexual temptations and the wish of a marriage as well. Without the help of the community it is even much more difficult to fight against it."
R.A. : Being away from community for some years, it is syrrealistic to my eyes see the statement, that we should fight against marriage for this or other reason...
Anonymous said:
"Consequently with flaming Paul meant not a bodily strong feeling but the flaming in the spirit, the task which is connected with the marriage, the education of the children but also a pure love towards the partner."
R.A. : Yes, pure love towards the partner. And you would prefer to forbid this pure love, separating idealistically it from sexuality. It seems, that sexuality cannot fit in your eyes to God's plans. Paul is 'too holy' to speak about sexuality in 1 Cor 7. Look again NIV for 1Cor7:9-
"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
Here is burning in passion seen negatively in the whole clarity. EVEN this flame or passion or whatever (let's tag it with unknown X) would be good in my eyes, Paul states, that this X worse than marriage.
Let's make your contradiction more clear: if we put instead of X your statement, we will obtain the sentence: "It is better to marry than to be in the task which is connected with the marriage, the education of the children but also a pure love towards the partner."
Anonymous said:
"For we we have good examples: neither Jesus nor Paul married but endeavoured with all life and power for all men."
R.A. We have a good example with Peter, too (who was married).
In 1 Cor 9:5 it is written by Paul:
"Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas?"
So, we may assume, that not only Peter, but some other apostles also were married. The passage in 1 Cor 9 speaks generally, that Paul has logically right to do these and that things, but he doesn't use this right (1 Cor 9:15) for the sake of others (1 Cor:9:19f). His eagerness is really impressing.
But Peter's example is for me impressing, too. I mean, nothing is lost, whether you're single or married. I liked the Paul's way of mission, which is primely exercised by our community. But Peter's example is for me not less encouraging. His example shows, that family-life is not neccessarily to be excluded for one, who has wish to follow Jesus. Without family there are also no children, who are maybe the best examples for Christians, who really want to be great (Mark 9:33-37).
Again: as we may assume on the base of 1 Cor 9:5, that not only one apostle was married (whether married before or after conversion), then we may face the statistics: at least 2 apostles from 12 were married (it means, at least 16%). If there were 3 apostles married, then the percentage is already 25.
What is the percentage of married couples in our community? I suppose, it is smaller, because comparising to apostles' time the the smallest probable percentage 16% would make of our present community 16 couple (per approximate hundred members). Do we have at least 16 couples in the community? If not, then why? If you think, that nowdays the things are different or this comparison isn't appropriate, then explain me - why?
I think it is not normal for humankind to live like bees, where in the church-family is only one 'mother' or something like this. Yes, indeed, we had some 'sample families', but marriage was treated nevertheress as disturbing boundage for our lifestyle and it was rather an useless relict from pastime, than holy union of man and wife.
Humans are created differently from bees. GOD has created us differently and He would not force us doctrine, which would contradict to his creature, incl. sexuality. God created sex, and not Satan. I think, community would agree with this.
God does not create us in thus manner that community must repress themselves into extreme, pratising collective austerity, mortifying every kind of sexuality in our lives, cutting off the scarce pictures with faintest sexual content from encyclopaedic books, which were on the bookshelves of our community.
I think I don't exaggerate when I say, that large majority of our brothers in the community have been excluded because of sexual sins. And our confessing of sexual sins were not rare cases, rather frequent.
Holy Spirit doesn't give instructions how to live, without giving ability to follow his instructions. Having been in the community and having heared constant confessions and complains, that this and that brother sinned sexually (me too), then it seems, that Paul's advice in 1 Cor 7:9 would fit perfectly to our specific case (about our community's situation today):
"But if they are not practicing self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion".
Anonymous said:
"So the decision one takes should be according to the Spirit (of God) and not according to ones understanding, mind or wish."
R.A. It is easy to shift the responsibility of weird decisions onto shoulders of somebody else. Among the Christianity-based movements is the most popular responsible person Holy Spirit, of course. "God's Spirit told us thus."
And really, God bears always even our most stupid decisions, because of His grace, patience and love. But He will not tie the stupid decisions in Heaven, what His disciples would tie in His name on the planet Earth. The concept our community holds - that they are the right church and other denominations are wrong -, doesn't guarantee, that they don't err as a whole. We know several sects, which hold the same concept, but err grievously (e.g. mormons).
I know, in this crisis, difficult situation of community, the only way-out is in putting trust wholly on God, but there is also concerning marriage the temptation to switch off the healthy mind and to wait the solutions deus ex machina. But similarly to the question about sexuality: God didn't give us brain without purpose: use it. Look, what's happening in the 'Spirit led' community and use beside your divine sight also your rational brain, in order to 'assess', what is actually going on there.
Paul says:
"I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." (1 Cor 7:7).
Here we may interpret, that Paul regards his state of singleness as a gift from God. And if the point of this isn't, that all gifts are equal, then he nevertheless admits, that each has his OWN gift from God. And concerning gifts he expresses some chapters later (in 1 Cor 12), that all members aren't given the same gift. God has distributed the gifts, just as he determines (1 Cor 12:11). And 1 Cor 12 shows God's economy, which supports rather the diversity of gifts. Paul says:
"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work." (1 Cor 12:4-6)
In this chapter Paul explains the tight connetion between the members of body. ALL are important. I would go further with my interpretation: ALL members and ALL their gifts are necessary for the work of God. So, also the marriage as a gift from God cannot be treated as useless.
Of course, in next chapter (1 Cor 13) Paul speaks about the greatest gift (love), which shades all other gifts mentioned before, but I believe this love doesn't annihilate these other gifts.
In next chapter (1 Cor 14) Paul again rather shows the disability of church, when all members practice the same gifts and and shows the church as subject to ridicule, when it is onesided and when the distributed gifts aren't organized, connected with each other for one work. So, if marriage as a gift from God is only a disturbing factor in our community, then something is wrong. As God is universal, so is his church. For preaching the Gospel among gentiles, we need not only mouth to speak, but the whole body. We need all the gifts of God. No of his gifts can be seen as hindrance. Neither marriage.
Paul saw the congregation ridiculous, when they all spoke only in tongues. By the way - I think our community was also sceptical, when we visited some pentacostal church and all of the members spoke in tongues. We had deep doubts, whether it is the gift of God at all. It seemed for us strange, useless and maybe also very unlikely that almost all receive the same miraculous gift. But I can imagine, that when Paul would enter now to the wintermeeting of our community, where are all the members together, and he sees only unmarried ones, he would see it strange.
Coming back to the 1 Cor 7, I think Paul knew, that it was nonsenss to wish the same for all other members. The congregation would not have worked properly. Sooner or later the congregation would have faced the twilight of its days, when it ignores and refuses this or that gift, which God has given or wants to give. Therefore he adds in 1 Cor 7:7 after his wish, that all were as he is:
"But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that."
Maybe community mystifies both gifts too much. We are born as single, so we have the gift of singleness from the birth on. Thus have the God's gift of singleness also those, who are unbelievers and lead their life as single also in adult age.
And there is a natural process in our human body, we grow and there awakes sexuality, which has its proper place in marriage. It is the God's gift of marriage, but also unbelievers marry and we cannot say, that this is not marriage bound among unbelievers.
In the Bible we can see the arguments both for laying special honour on marriage and also arguments for not to marry.
In the Bible there are arguments both to live as single and also arguments, where 'singleness' is seen rather negatively (Genesis 2:18).
Community sees the marriage too idealistically. Certain 'egoism' is inscribed to the wish of marriage. It would sound strange, artificial and hypocritical, when one would say: "I would like to marry you because I think it is the best for you, for community and for the whole humankind."
So I think, our community always regarded the wish to marry selfish and therefore not good reason to accept it, when somebody told about that wish. Always there was seen an 'egoism' prevailing in it. And I believe, there is not good time in the community to marry yet, neither will be good time for community to marry in the future, when a certain 'egoism' is not accepted.
This 'egoism' and sexual appeal has been created by God, in order to unite husband and wife. This is not egoism, but FALLING IN LOVE (I believe everybody in the community has experienced, what it is). You cannot choose to fall in love and the extent of it: "God make so, that I'll fall in love just a bit, partially." It is generally prevailing, because it MUST BE prevailing. God has organised and prepared it thus, for uniting man and woman into marriage ally.
Of course, the state of 'falling in love' will not last for ever (at least not in the same extent as in the beginning), but falling in love as a feeling has its function in God's plan for this couple.
Strong feelings are not always an argument for marriage, but if our community makes attempts to hinder it (and this is fact, that community also tried to separate those, who had expressed their feelings publically to community), then it is...
'Assess' yourselves, what it is. My opinion is, that this is the 'assessing love', that characterizes our community in big picture and in details. and that has no connection with Pauline concept of love described in 1 Cor 13.
Anonymous said:
"So the decision one takes should be according to the Spirit (of God) and not according to ones understanding, mind or wish."
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. (Pro 3:5)"
"Without heart deeplly based in love you want use the mind properly."
R.A. Jesus said:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'" (Mt 22:37).
I encourage again to involve also your brain to love others. Don't be afraid of using it, because there are many unbelievers in the world, who aren't 'deeply based in love', but nevertheless try to do good things making decisions with their healthy mind. According to my 'assessment' it succeeds them quite well occasionaly. At least it is not bad.
My conclusion: there ARE advantages of involving your rational brain into loving others. The life and love would be more colourful then and you would see also the other way to love and serve God after staying single.
No doubt, the greatest gift of God is love, which is so impressively defined in 1 Corinthians 13. Without love all other gifts are hollow, nothing. For the end of this chapter I would give a link to one jolly (but 'worldly') story from YouTube. Don't take it as an offence, but rather as a warmhearted encouragement to pursue beside love also other gifts from God, which don't hold back somebody of loving, but rather help and motivate to love others more and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RjXY_-PUbo