Introduction:

In my World History classes, I inevitably have students who want to know the difference between Catholics and other branches of Christianity, in a vain attempt to explain, it became too complicated to get into detail. So I created this metaphorical religion, to explain at least some basics. It too has become complicated. . .

Name of Religion - Muffinism

Basic Belief - Belief in the Great Cosmic Muffin

Founder - The Muffin Man

Original Followers - The Dozen Bakers, although due to a translation error, more commonly known as the Bakers Dozen

Name of Believers - Muffinites

Founding Location - Drury Lane

Leader of Religion - Head Baker (Recognized by the big hat)

Major Hymn - “Do you know the Muffin Man?”

Common Sayings

It is risen, It is risen in deed

Baking Guidelines

• Thou shall not have any other baked goods except the Muffin
• Thou shall remember the Baking day
• Thou shall not steal thy neighbors muffins
• Thou shall not covet thy neighbors baking pans, utensils, or spatulas
• Thou shall not take this seriously. . .

Versions

Plainest - Basic Muffinites, followers of the Head Baker

Berrians - Believe in G.C.,M, but do not follow the Head Baker

Blueberrians, Strawberrians, Boysenberrians, Rasberrians

Fruitists - Similar to Berrians, but less mainstream

Applists, Pearists , Bannannutists, Zucchinists

Milkarians - Berrians who believe muffins must be dunked completely

Middleists - Berrians who believe muffins should only be eaten by starting in the middle. Sometimes called Fun in da Middleists

Crullers - Believe in the basic Muffinite beliefs, but also follow the Big Book of Crullers. . . Is a Cruller a Mufifn?

Atkinists - Believe in the basic Muffinite beliefs, but deny themselves the taste of the Muffin

Name of Religion - Bagelism

Basic Belief - Believes in G.C.M. but they call it a Bagel

Founder -

Name of Believers- Bagelites

Founding Location - Jerry’s Place

Leader of Religion - None

Versions

Name of Religion - Croissantism

Basic Belief - Belief in the G.C.M. but they call it’s a Croissant.

Founder - Moe the Baker

Name of Believers - Croissantists

Founding Location - The Market near Jerry’s Place

Leader of Religion - None

Common Sayings

There is no baked good except the Croissant, and Moe was the Baker

Versions

Innies- Believe in eating the Croissant from the inside out, a fringe group

Outists- Believe in eating the Croissant from the outside in, the mainstream of the Croisssantists

Historic Conflicts

The Croissants are adamant in their belief that the Cosmic Baked good neither has a middle or a hole, the arguments regarding the hole in Bagels has led to several Holey wars. . .

Name of Religion - Wrapism

Basic Belief - Belief in the Cosmic muffin, but believe they need to become one with the Muffin

Founder -

Name of Believers - Wrappist Muffinites

Founding Location - The New Deli

Leader of Religion - The New Deli Mama

Name of Religion - Dayoldist

Basic Belief - Acceptance of all versions of muffins, and they believe that all muffins will return as day olds.

Founder

Name of Believers - Dayoldists

Founding Location - Unknown

Leader of Religion - Unknown

Name of Religion - Unknown