Executive Functioning skills are those that we grow into as we develop.  They must be practiced as we are not born with these skills.  Most reach a maturity age around age 25, however, there may be deficits in areas based on development and practice.  

Working memory, flexible thinking, & self control are three main areas with many facets that may include such things as:  how to put learned information together to use, finding/accepting more than one way to solve a problem, & reducing impulsivity in decision making.

Check out my newsletter to learn quick insights as to how one can develop these in yourself as well as help those around you to find more success as they grow!

Self Efficacy & Growth Mindset skills are those that go hand in hand with my newsletter of perseverance and resiliency.  One must be in the learning zone to make progress, believing he/she can access regardless of a "productive struggle."  Once one gets into the frustration zone, giving up or escape can happen.  

For some situations, this is the right thing to do after a true attempt is tried through interest, but skills or talents are not in that area.  Hobbies we test out are a good example of this.  There is not a problem with moving toward those things we enjoy because we are better at them, as well as away from those things of less talent.  I often think of activities which are tried during the mini seasons/sessions in the middle school time of life, to narrow down interest.  Finishing out these mini experiences with "productive struggle" is healthy to help narrow down to the most interesting.  Giving up too early can cause a missed opportunity though, so be cautious.  Truly, we don't have enough of ourselves to go around to be a part of everything.  This "weeding out" assists with finding the one's which give us the most pleasure in our hobbies.

The opposite of that includes those areas we are truly interested in or are a part of becoming a productive citizen.  Such areas as school work, finding a career, and training in something which is foundational must be worked in the "learning zone," utilizing the "productive struggle" through use of learning through mistakes building resiliency and perseverance.

Perseverance & Resilience skills are those that when practiced, can build stamina for managing stressful situations as well as to become a life long learner that does not try to escape or give up on challenges.  As one grows, there is a natural exposure to the "productive struggle" which provides development of the prefrontal cortex in one's brain.   That natural exposure needs to be in manageable doses for a child to be able to access success.  "Lawnmowing" all stressors out of a child's way will inhibit the ability to make mistakes that can be learned from and is counterproductive to development.

As parents or adults who care about a child's success, it can be hard.  We want  to fix all problems for our child.  Withholding ourselves from intervening can be so challenging to sustain or allow to occur, but we are truly hindering the child more if we do not support exposure to learning from failures.  

Allowing the child to have exposure to new and challenging skills (still accessible to his/her ability) at an early age can create determination with intrinsic motivation to strive for  success in life.  This prevents the need, when older, to have more perfectionistic tendencies that are becoming more and more concerningly common.  The fear of taking healthy risks in growth prohibits resiliency and perseverance. An adult can provide a safe space to learn from mistakes by balancing the criticism in reflection with regard for what was learned in the process of growth.

A great quote which sums up this idea is... "Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child!"  Author unknown

Mindfulness skills are those that when practiced, can facilitate calm in stressful situations for the body, helps to provide focus and duration in attention spans.  The body and brain then become ready to tackle anything.

Often times, we feel like we need to be "busy" and "going" nonstop when a brief time of reset could provide much more productivity.  This is because the overstimulation is reduced to better levels for brain and body function. 

This is a metacognitive process which allows one to analyze and practice healthier habits for life as well as learning!  Great for all ages!

Responsibility skills are those that we all must practice, but children especially benefit from taking on more and more responsibility as they grow.  This goes hand and hand with earning privileges through growth which is an integral life skill for success.

Often times, we feel like we must be good at something right away, but it is healthy for children to have the productive struggle in problem solving through practices of responsibility.  

This is much different than not holding one accountable.  Accountability is a part of the effort in trying.   For example, if a child misses doing a homework assignment, he/she should think about and execute how to remedy the situation to prevent it from occurring again.  Then be held accountable to that.  Follow up is crucial.  If we don't follow up, sometimes children can learn bad habits of trying to escape these things which only exacerbates the problem.  

There is a happy balance with holding accountable yet not expecting perfection.  Learning through mistakes in the productive struggle is the best way to learn through experiences in life.  School provides many opportunities for building responsibility, but such things as chores, attempting a new after school activity, etc. can provide a well rounded experience to build those employability skills early and enhance learning!   Some of  my most favorite observations or support of student development involve when things are NOT to perfection, but pride is built from attempting and celebrating the little victories!

Honesty & Integrity skills truly come from within in the most challenging moments at times.  It is easy to know the difference between right and wrong, but it becomes more and more difficult as one grows and situations are not so clear.  "Gray areas" create an uneasiness to navigate which continues into adulthood.  Practicing a focus toward this when young and working through mistakes with owning up to them, creates better and better understanding in preparation for when the challenge is not near as clear.

A personal experience to learn from is much more valuable and respect is earned  when others see they can trust someone.  Honesty and integrity building are an integral part of that built trust!  The old saying, "actions speak louder than words" holds true on this one!

Empathy skills are built over time through experiences in learning how to react from those important to the child.  Many adults struggle as well though, as we have become a society that is often behind a screen in our interactions.  This disjointed emotion presents a struggle to being truly empathetic.  

Empathy is not built from a quick response to a text or post, but utilizes nonverbal communication such as tone/inflection and body language with facial expression as an integral part to understanding the message, as well as expressing the empathy.  Communication is 70% nonverbal!  The specific words we speak only make up a small fraction of the message.  When one is empathetic, words are important, but "presence" is the biggest piece that one feels in those moments.  It is a reciprocal process.

A key factor includes that we, as a society, like quick fixes and to solve problems.  This is good when you are fixing something like a broken bike, but empathy is different.  It is about being present in the moment, without judgement or advice, to allow someone to know they are supported in what THEY are going through.  Empathy can feel uncomfortable for the one giving it, so that is a big factor in why people avoid taking time with the person being supported or make it about his/herself.  True empathy comes from a selfless expression of compassion, realizing the situation often cannot be "fixed," but a sense of presence in a challenging moment for another person.

At times, empathy may look like the setting of a boundary within the expression.  Giving in to whatever is wanted to make the strong emotions go away only delays the inevitable.  That is why some with the expression of "tough love" are showing empathy as well.  

Be in the moment, realizing the empathy is not a fix, but a support of who you are present with in finding a way through their emotions.  The emotions are related to what they can control and not control about a situation.  This is a very challenging skill for children to learn, but fortunately, a child learns from those around them by modeling the empathy in healthy ways.

Self Image Neuroscience  by changing your mindset and practicing regularly, you can reduce anxiety and depressive tendencies.  Read the article at this LINK or the link to the left.

Practice asking others or yourself,

What went well this week

that YOU made happen?

or

Because of you?

What did YOU do to allow that to happen?