Embedded Files
Grief is a mix of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, frustration, fear and anxiety that occurs whenever we experience a loss or are anticipating a loss. Through this process it is come to experience the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual responses to loss or the perception of loss. These feelings can also feel very conflicting and may become very intense at times which feels even more overwhelming.
Grieving is a normal response to the death of a loved one and everyone grieves differently. Allow yourself to cry and find confort on others. The emotional pain you feel is normal and expected.
Feeling Suicidal? or know of someone who might be? Tell an adult! or call the CALIFORNIA YOUTH CRISIS LINE 1-800-843-5200
Call them 24/7 and talk about anything. They are trained counselors who are there to talk to you and to listen. If you are suicidal or homicidal they will not keep it confidential and will send help. That is good. We need you around a long time and if you need help, let's get you that help.
Another resource is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
About: The Elizabeth Hospice, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, provides medical, emotional and spiritual support to children and adults facing the challenges associated with a life-threatening illness, and restores hope to grieving children and adults who are feeling lost and alone.
Elizabeth Hospice is currently offering tele-health support. Reach them at 760-294-5864.
Elisabeth Hospice crisis hotline (800) 274-2740
Other Important Resources
The Trevor Project (LGBTQ Support)
1-866-488-7386
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
CHAT also available
Crisis Text Line
text "home" to 741741
8 Things to try when the grief gets intense
8 Things to try when the grief gets intense
1. Breathe. When we get tense we tend to hold our breath or have short, shallow breaths. First, just notice that you are breathing and then try slowing it down, breathing more into your belly, and exhaling a little longer than you inhale.
2. Move your body. This doesn’t have to be a sport (but it can be) — take a walk, do a push-up, dance, or try cleaning. It's strange, but it can help!
3. Express yourself. Write, draw, organize, listen to/play music, or anything else that lets you express yourself without having to talk to someone.
4. Make room for whatever feelings are coming up. If you try to push them away, they will probably just push back harder. Feelings change and they won’t last forever. Grief has no timeline, but it really does change over time.
5. Be kind — to yourself. Grievers tend to give themselves a really hard time for not doing grief right — whatever that “right” might be. Remind yourself you’re doing the best you can in the moment and that it’s okay you’re having a hard time.
6. Be a good friend — to yourself. Experiment with telling yourself you can do this, even if you don’t know what you’re doing. You might be feeling emotions you’ve never had before or doing things in life for the first time and all of it is happening without the person who died. Take a moment to acknowledge how new and different this is and tell yourself, “Even if I’m overwhelmed right now, I will figure this out.” And then…
7. Ask for help. We know, this one can be really hard and scary to do. Keep it simple and remember that people usually want to help, they are just waiting to be asked.
8. Take time to celebrate whatever is going well. When you’re grieving it can be hard to make space for feeling good. You might feel guilty if you find yourself laughing or having a good time. Taking a break from grief doesn’t mean you love or miss the person any less.
Helpful Tips for Grieving Teens:
• Try to identify your feelings. Think about where and how you may be experiencing those feelings in your body.
• Find safe and healthy ways to express the range of those feelings.
• Write letters, poems, songs, stories and save them, share them with someone or shred them if you like.
• Arts and crafts help: finger-paints (really), pounding clay, playing with Play Doh, etc.
• Song writing and playing music or listening to music is something that helps. Many teens have said they put on sad music or a sad movie to help them let it out. Dancing to loud and uplifting or angry music helps some teens too.
• Punch a pillow, hit a punching bag, exercise, work out. Exercise is the number one anti-anxiety and antidepressant around. Nothing like sweating after a good hard workout when feeling a lot of different feelings. Workouts are especially good for coping with anger and rage.
• Shred paper, throw bottles at a recycling center into the bin, stomp on paper cups, pop bubble wrap, be creative.
• Guitar Hero or Rock Band is a great way to vent, plus it keeps your mind focused which is a grief break. You need that now.
• Eat healthy foods and snacks ( it is tempting to live on chocolate and junk, but actually healthy foods help you to feel better. Drink plenty of water too. Water helps to metabolize the chemicals in your body that are caused by trauma or stress. Too much Adrenalin can cause headaches and stomachaches.
• Get enough rest and take naps if you can...grief is hard work. Many teens use sleep as a way to cope with grief too. Many teens have shared that if they are cranky and short tempered a nap will help them enormously. Rest when you can.
• Keep a journal. You don't have to write in it every day. Keep it somewhere safe. Write down your feelings, thoughts, concerns, fears, and your regrets. You may share them with a trusted adult or not. Some families keep a running journal going back and forth. They keep it in a dining room or kitchen. The teen can share something personal that they want the adult to know or ask a question that feels too hard to do in person. Then leave the journal in the identified spot. Later on the adult can pick it up and read it and respond and then replace the journal in the spot. Great way to communicate tough to talk about subjects.
• Don't keep your feelings inside, find someone you trust, who won't judge you and who know how to listen (hint: your counselors are here for you!). Share with them with or just hang out in their presence. You don't have to talk about it. You don't have to share everything either. You may just want to share a bit. Every teen should have five safe adults to turn to: parent, neighbor, teacher, coach, counselor, or family member.
• Try to laugh when you can. Many times after a loss, those left behind feel guilty to go on and to enjoy life. It helps though to laugh.
• Spend time with friends and family, people who care about you and who allow you to grieve in your own way and time.
• Let your friends know what you need. Some teens talk about a loss a lot, others don't want to.
• Write a letter. It can be written to the person who died, someone who hurt you or even to God. Say whatever you need to say.
• Visit the cemetery if it makes you feel better.
• Make a memory book, collage, scrap book of memories.
• Remember that grief takes time, it is a process not an event.
• Let yourself off the hook. It's common to feel responsible for a loss. If you feel guilty, please talk to a counselor. Guilty, regret and anger can hurt teens if left unexpressed.
• Join a free bereavement peer support group for teens through Elizabeth Hospice.
• Listen to those around you who you trust. If they are concerned about some of your behaviors that may not be healthy please take time to listen. Sometimes teens don't even realize that they are harming themselves in ways that others close to them can see. If you have people telling you they are concerned listen and try calling the hotline above or talk to a trusted adult. Don't try to go this road alone.
Exercise: While completing this letter: think about the person you are grieving, special memories with that person, and lessons learned from the relationship. [Click on the letter for download/print version]
Tips for Parents: Helping a grieving teen
Tips for Parents: Helping a grieving teen
Remember, everyone grieves differently:
• One teen may want to talk about death
• Another may choose to cry
• One might write about their experiences in a journal or chat room
• Some choose to express their grief in creative/artistic ways
• Others are physical in their grief - participating in sports or other big energy activities
• No one way is the right way to grieve - your way of grieving is right for you
Possible Behavioral Changes
• Restlessness and change in activity level
• Expression of security issues: Will this happen to me or others
• Clinging to parents, fear of strangers
• Withdrawal and unwillingness to discuss the loss
• Fearfulness, especially of being left alone
• Regression to younger behaviors—bedwetting, thumb sucking
• Symptoms of illness: nausea, loss of appetite, diffuse aches and pains
• Feeling guilty that it is their fault
WAYS FOR FAMILIES TO HELP YOUTH WITH GRIEF
General Information
Your child has recently experienced a loss at school, either through the death of a classmate or staff person, or has a classmate that has lost a family member. Each child grieves differently. It is most important that children get sympathy and nonjudgmental responses from their family members.
Keep communicating with your child to create a safe, supportive environment. Talking about feelings is very important. When children see adults expressing their feelings about a loss in a healthy way, they learn how to do it too.
Response of Parents/Caregivers
Children need a sense of security when a loss occurs. It is important to keep to the family routine as much as possible. Children may need more personal attention at bedtime.
• Simple answers to such questions as, “When will you die?” “Can I get sick too?,” or “Does everyone die?” will provide reassurance to children. Adults can seek further information to learn what the child’s concern is, “Are you concerned that I might not be here to care for you?” or “Are you worried you might die soon too?” Brief answers based on fact are best: “I don’t plan to die for a long time. I hope to take care of you as long as you might need me.” or “We all die. However, I don’t think you need to worry that you will die yet. We are going to try and keep you well for many years.”
• Everyone in the family needs reassurance. Children may ask endless questions. They need information and reassurances given repeatedly. Extra play may be needed to relieve the tension related to their grief.
• It is also important to explain to children that the crisis is not their fault.
AYUDA CON EL DUELO
AYUDA CON EL DUELO
CÓMO LAS FAMILIAS PUEDEN AYUDAR A LOS NIÑO CON EL DUELO
Información general
Recientemente, su hijo/a sufrido una pérdida en la escuela, ya sea por la muerte de un compañero, un miembro del personal, o tiene a un compañero que perdió un familiar. El duelo de cada niño es una experiencia única. Es sumamente importante que los niños reciban compasión y respuestas sin juicio por parte de sus familiares. Continúe la comunicación con su hijo/a para crear un entorno seguro y cariñoso. Es muy importante hablar sobre lo que siente. Cuándo los niños escuchan a adultos expresar lo que sienten sobre una pérdida de una manera saludable, aprenden también a hacerlo.
Posibles cambios de comportamiento
Inquietud y cambios en el nivel de actividad
Dudas en cuestión de la seguridad
¿Podrá pasarme a mí o a los demás?
Apegarse a los padres, miedo a los desconocidos
Aislamiento y el negarse a hablar sobre la pérdida
Temor generalizado, especialmente de quedarse solo
Regresar a conductas ya superadas - orinarse en la cama, chuparse el dedo
Síntomas de enfermedad: náusea, falta de apetito, dolores y malestares generales
Sentirse culpable
Reacción de padres de familia/personas responsable del cuidado de los niños
Los niños necesitan sentirse seguros cuándo ocurre una pérdida. Es importante mantener la rutina familiar lo más posible. Los niños podrían necesitar más atención a la hora de dormir.
· Respuestas sencillas a preguntas cómo, "¿Cuándo te vas a morir?" "¿Yo también me enfermaré?", o "¿Todos mueren?", les ofrecerá consuelo a los niños. Los adultos pueden buscar información adicional para entender cuál es la inquietud del niño/a por medio de preguntar, "¿Te preocupa que sea posible que no esté aquí para cuidarte?" o "¿Te preocupa qué tú también puedas morir?" Son mejores las respuestas breves basadas en hechos. "No tengo planes de morirme pronto. Espero cuidarte todo el tiempo que me necesites." o "Todos morimos. Sin embargo, no creo que tienes que preocuparte por morir. Vamos a hacer todo lo posible por cuidarte por muchos años."
· Todos en la familia necesitan consuelo. Los niños pueden hacer un sinfín de preguntas. Necesitan continuamente información y ser consolados. Podría convenir darles más tiempo para jugar con tal de aliviar la tensión relacionada con el duelo.
· También es importante explicarle a los niños que la crisis no es su culpa.
Report abuse