What Does It Mean to Truly Love Someone Else?

So far in this series, we’ve explored self-love and parental love, and how different kinds of parental love shape a child’s ability to love themselves—both as they are today and as they hope to be tomorrow. Now, let’s talk about love for others—the kind that’s often tangled up with dependence, fear, and unmet emotional needs.  

When Love Gets Confused with Something Else

Many relationships aren’t built on love alone but on reliance, safety, or comfort—things that can mimic love but ultimately distort it. Let’s break these down:  

1. Reliance: When Love Feels Like a Lifeline

If your happiness depends entirely on another person, that’s not love—it’s attachment. Real love requires freedom—the ability to be whole on your own while choosing to be together. If you can’t be without someone, you’re not loving them; you’re clinging to them.  

2. Safety: When Love Becomes a Shield

If you don’t feel safe within yourself, you might seek security in another person. But when love is just a refuge from fear, it becomes fragile. People who grew up in unstable homes often crave safety so badly that they tolerate abuse—emotional, financial, even infidelity—just to keep it. That’s not love. It’s survival.  

3. Comfort: When Love Feels Like a Parent

Some people never got the warmth they needed as children, so they seek it in romantic partners—someone to "mother" or "father" them. These relationships often become imbalanced: one person stays childlike, avoiding responsibility, while the other plays caretaker. Neither truly loves the real person—just the role they fill.  

What Does Real Love Look Like?

A healthy relationship happens when both people already love themselves. They don’t need each other to feel whole—they choose each other because they genuinely enjoy who the other person is.  

- They love the real person, not just the idea of them.  

- They trust deeply but also feel secure enough to disagree. (A relationship without arguments isn’t peaceful—it’s fragile.)  

- They don’t fear losing each other because their love isn’t rooted in need—it’s rooted in mutual respect and admiration.  

Final Thought

Love isn’t about filling voids. It’s about two complete people walking side by side—not because they have to, but because they want to.