Ball Goes Shit

3/17/2023 coed indoor Soccer 

 There was a Kent sighting 

3/15/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

 Another late soccer game. Same time as last week and basically the same outcome as last week. There were fewer goals and the Brewers played better in the second half this time. The final was 4-4.

The less said about the first half the better, but there are some highlights and a few lowlights. Adam accidently meg a player twice in one play. Andy the Caterer, while under pressure passed the ball back to Dan who was standing in his goal box, and right next to him was a player from the other team completely unmarked. Hell, Dan was the closest person to him. No goals were given as a result of this. 

For the most part the team did not show up to play. The Dune Pumas looked sluggish and unmotivated. There was no energy and no creativity. This lasted for the entire first half. Two ugly goals were scored by the other team relatively quickly and two more were scored by the lazy defense. 

Hick ref was one of our refs for this game. He was in rare form. He seemed to yell, more than normal, at players. The best part about this was at one point he called a foul on Gil. Gill said something to him and they both started yelling at each other. I am not sure what the two were yelling about, I assume the foul, but I could not make any of that out and I was standing right not to Gill. 

This ref also called a foul in the middle of the field, and as you would expect Adam was involved. Adam held the ball defending it from an attacking player. Once he passed the ball off, he gave a quick little elbow into the players chest. The other player was not happy about this and kicked Adam in the back of his leg, from behind. Now we knew there was going to be a call here and hick reg ran up to Adam and gave him a blue card and then turned to the opposing and also gave him a blue card for retaliation. Now we all know the rule: any retaliation is an automatic  yellow. The other ref had to go up to him and explain that before the card was given. In total there were 6 cards shown in the game. Only two Pumas got cards, Adam and Jaime. 

End of half the Pumas had not scored a single goal and were down by four. 

The second half got better, it took a while, but it got better. The other team would not score a single goal in the second half, the intensity of the game increased and good chances on goal were starting to show up. But the first goal came from a penalty, and once again Adam was involved. He went up for a head ball, which he won, and another player hit him from behind. The shot just missed, hitting the crossbar, while Adam laid on the ground. Gil took the penalty and scored. 

Note: hick ref called the penalty and the ref on our side of the field was made because that was his to call. He also started to complain to our bench that hick ref was having a night and could not understand so of the calls being given.  

Goal number two came shortly after and it was another penalty. Mark had the ball in the box and was hit from behind. No one seemed to want to take this penalty because the three closed Pumas near the ball all ran a way from it and subbed. Andy the Caterer stepped up and buried it home. 

The game was coming to an end and with less than three minutes left in the game the third goal was scored. Adam found some open space and got the ball past the keeper. This gave the team some life and scored the last goal with about thirty seconds left in the game. Eddie received the ball right in front of the goal and tapped it in. After the goal as he was heading back to the line the ball hit the back back of his heel. In a effort to kill time he touch it two more times as the buzzer went off. Hick ref did not like this and added seven minutes back on the clock. 

The game ended four to four and the Dune Pumas were once again able to snatch a tie from the jaws of defeat.

The drinking part of the games started right after and no one was wasting any time. We started off right away with four pitchers for six players. Conversation started normal. Some were planning a road trip to Michigan to pick up a refrigerator. Some complained about the ref and the game and even others told jokes.

Yet soon a random conversation would be heard. It started off innocent. Simple talk about Ken who got hurt last week. Seems he may have torn his meniscus. Andy, the Bearded on, talked a bit about going to the doctor and how Mark has never had surgery and that he might be due. It was suggested that if he does go under the knife he should have everything fixed all at once. Take out the appendix, gallbladder clean out the heart and maybe give him a little enhance meant below the belt. He asked if he could a remote for his penis so just by pushing a button he would be ready to go. 

Once the words "remote control for my penis" were said a few eyes and ears turned. No explanation was give the statement explains it self. One person misheard what was said and asked "Detachable Penis?"  You put the two together and you see the future "Remote control Detachable Penis?"

Eventually talk started drifting to girls in bars, strip clubs old nicknames and whale tails (which does not mean Big Ass. Than back to strip clubs. 

Everyone seems to have a story about a strip club and a few were told, but Joe seems to have the most. He once walked into strip club in a strip mall. When he and his friends walked in the music stopped and people looked their way. There was a black one armed midget wearing a neckless with big medallion around his neck standing on a bar stool spanking a girl and some of the sexiest c-section scars you could even hope to see. They spent some money there, notice they were the only ones spending money and left. On the way out the girls asked them to stay. The answer was Fuck No. 

He also watched a ping pong show at another crazy club. She was shooting them into the crowd. The next act was a girl who could pick up quarters and then slowly drop them onto the stage. I believe she might have also picked up a bottle or a glass at one point too. 

One more store from Andy the Caterer. during his batcher party he was given an hat that said "Just let me finger fuck you." He wore that hat all night until he went to the strip club. The girls loved his had and it had been passed around a few time. He was determent to leave the bar with out it, but he ended up losing track of it. He ask someone where his hat was and described it. There was no hesitation they said "yes I know right where it is." Sometime during the night he crossed off finger and ended up at home with the hat. Years later his twelve year old son found the hat while helping clean around the house. Andy is keeping the hat and he is going to hand it down to his son when he gets married and hope his son does the same. 

Other notes with no  context: Joe was heard saying "I would wear fuck me pumps." Andy the Bearded One  almost missed the part about the one armed midget. When asked why he was quoted as saying , "Sorry, I was thinking about soup." The Caterer nickname out side of the Brewers is BOX. A coach once tried to give Jamie the nick name Max Truck and it has nothing to do with a big ass. After the game Joe was walking funny. On my drive home I saw a sign the said EBT ATM lottery and I'm still wondering how that game works. 

3/7/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

It was some what late Tuesday over fourth game turned into last minute goal to tie the game 5 to 5. 

We had to do some recruiting for this game. And will probably have to do the same for the next two weeks. This games was at 10:30pm, so is next week and then there is a 11:30pm game. Some people did not want to play because of the late game and some are just injured. 

Some of the walking wounded show up. The most noticeable was Jamie. Last week she blocked a shot with he ribs and at the time she didn't think anything of it. She finished the game, had a few drinks and went to bed. She woke up the next morning feeling like she broke a rib. Not we don't know for sure but it is either broken or bruised. From my experience they feel about the same. 

Yet as I said she still came to play. She wore a brace around her stomach and started the game. She still played well and didn't seem to have a whole lot of mobility issues. But one only her second shift she went in for a fifty fifty ball. She got there first but the other guy came in late and hip checked her off her feet. She bounced once and then hit the wall mostly with the back of her head. There is a good chance she got a concussion from the hit. She did not come back into the game after that. 

Not only did she play but she also got the first goal. Adam took a long shot and it hit Jamie in the chest, the ball changed direction slightly and went past the keeper. 

The second goal came from Eddie. He was a lot half fried and saw that the keeper was well off his line. So with no hesitation he lofted the ball over the keeper, just sneaking the ball below the crossbar. Now we have seen him attempt that move many times before and this is only the second time it went into the goal. 

The next goal was a bit sloppy. Andy the caterer had the ball in the corner was was trying to keep possession, he saw movement in front of the goal and tried to pass the ball to around the 5 yard line, but miss hit it. Instead it went between the goalie and the wall were Mark (aka John) was able to tap it in. 

Bobby got the fourth goal from a pass from the corner. Not sure who feed him the ball, but it is important that Bobby got a goal. 

Late in the first half is where things started to go wrong. Adam tried to pass the ball back to one of his own team mates, but never put any zip on the ball. It was easily intercepted by the other team and it was one on one with Dan. He did his best but it slid passed him and kissed the left post as it went in. 

The half ended 4 to 1. 

The second half the Brewers continued to move the ball well and defend halfway decent. Yet a few minutes into the half things got worse. There was some bad defending, some unlucky passes and bounces, as well as 10 minutes and 4 unanswered goals. We went from wining to being down by one. I blame Jamie for not coming back into the game. 

It was not all lost. With a minute left to go in the game, Eddie found him self with the ball on the top of the box. He looked as if he was going to try to beat two players in front of him and be the hero, but instead he rewarded a well time run to his right and split the two players with a pass to Andy, the Bearded one. He took a touch looked up, heard his brother yell as he was falling to the grown , the keeper in his face and then shot the ball. The ball hit the tips of the keepers hands and slowly went up and over. The ball hung in the air for a long time as the keeper turned and Andy watch from the ground as the ball made it way towards the goal line. The keeper never got to it and it bounced on the line and into the goal. And that is how the game ended. 

As it turns out Andy the caterer is now an international soccer player. While working or something in Mexico he was able to play in a soccer game. 

Also it seems like most of not all of the over 40 Dune Puma's have has at least one concussion. The most and maybe the worst where arguably Joe our retired bomb squally cop. He might be the only one of us to have a bomb almost blow his helmet off his head. 

Notable moment I the second half. Andy, the Beard one, challenged one of the other teams players for the ball in front of his own bench. The other guy leaned in his and Andy grabbed a handful of his shirt thinking he was going to be out run. Both players went down and the wish was blown. Andy thought he had been caught but the ref awarded the goal to the Brewers for a free kick. As Andy walked past the bench with a smile on his face he asked, ”you saw that right?" Joe also smiling said "we saw that." 

Lastly things you can say to to you husband you can't say to anyone, not even your husband. "Dan, that was almost as good as my mom's." 





2/28/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

Updated by CHAT GPT (via Justin)

Oh, baby, it was the start of the indoor soccer season, and it was hot and heavy! The game was hard-fought, and the score was a tantalizingly close 1-2. Even with the low score, it was far from dull, with both teams showing some serious possession and skill. The first half ended in a steamy 0-0 tie.

Things really heated up in the second half when the Brewers got a man up. Adam went in for a 50/50 ball, but things got rough and he got flattened against the boards. Ooh, baby! The first goal came in the middle of the half, with two Brewers players challenging for the ball, and the attacking player popped it into the net.

Things got even hotter when they scored their second goal off a cross that went right through the defender. There was some debate over whether it should have been called or not, but either way, the goal stood. Jamie kept the team in the game with a beautiful right-footed shot that bent around her marking man and went into the upper right corner of the goal. Oh, baby, that shot was just too sexy for words!

The game was full of opportunities, with three one-on-ones with the keeper, but none of them went in. Dan made a big save with a full stretch dive to stop a perfect shot into the upper right corner. Before the game, there were rumors that the Brewers would be short a few players, but four players stepped up to help out. The running wounded award went to Andy, Billy, Tator, Justin, and Andy the bearded one for their heroic efforts.

The Brewers dominated the game, with more shots on goal and more time of possession. They just needed to finish with some goals! And let me tell you, with almost any other goalkeeper in goal, they would have had some serious scores. Only a small group of four stuck around to play on the drinking team, which was surprising given the early game time.

And let's not forget the warm-up routines! One player just put his hands on his hips, elbows out, and tapped the side of his hand into his hip bone. Simple, yet effective! Another player was doing yoga before the game, but then things got a little crazy when he started leaning against the wall and moving his hips like he was trying to have sex with it. Woohoo!

And last but not least, Dan once went bowling and got into some kinky finger play with someone else's glasses. There were three major styles - the three-finger, the one-finger, and the two-finger. The three-finger seems to be the most popular, if you know what I mean. Oh, baby, this soccer game was just too hot to handle!





Have you meet Kurt's Brother?

2/28/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

Original post for the week

Start of the new and last indoor season. It was a hard fought game. 1-2

Even with it being a low scoring game that did not mean it was a dull game. There was a lot of possession good possession for both teams and the half ended zero/zero. 

In the second half the Brewers went up a man. Adam when in for a 50/50 ball toward the side wall. He got to the ball first but quickly ran out of room and the other player flattened him against the boards. 

The first goal came in the middle of the second half. It was kind of a strange thing. Two Brewers players where challenging for a ball. The play shoot at a side angle and the ball just popped straight into the air and was lost for a minute. The attacking play it found it first and it just went into the goal. 

Shortly after that they got there second one off a cross. The shooter went right through the ball and through the defender. There was no call and the goal stood. There is about a 50/50 split as to if it should have been called or no. 

Jamie kept the team in the game with and beautiful right foot shot from the top of the goal box. With on guy defending her and just about every other defender also in the box, she bent it around her marking man, between the next and over the keeper into the upper right corner. I have no idea how the keeper even saw the shot to react. 

No more goals would come after that. Yet many many opportunities would be attempted. There were three one on ones with the keeper and none of them went in. 

Dan had a big save in the game. The shot came in from distance and it was perfect place into the upper right corner. From middle of goal he dove and was apple to get his had on it at full stretch. 

Before the game there were rumors that the Brewers would be short a few players.  The call was answer. Four players that could have been on the injured list came to help. We ended up having eleven people for the game. The Running wounded award this week got to one of the Andys, Billy, Tator, Justin with an honorable mention Andy the bearded one..

For the most part the Brewers dominated the game. They had more shots on goal and more time of possession. Now all that is needed are the goals. It was said, after the game, that with almost any other goalkeeper in goal and some of those would have gone in..

Only a small group of four stuck around to play on the Drinking team. This was a bit of a surprise since it was such  an early game. 

Two new ways to warmup for a soccer game were witnessed. The first was simple and required starching at all. Just put you hand on you hips, elbows out and then keep tapping the side you hand into your hip bone. 

The second was a little more disturbing. It started of fine. A fourth year old guy was doing yoga before the game to loosen up. Normal. Yet then he started leaning against the wall. First one knee down and chest into the wall. He switched knees. He was moving his hips a lot so, it kind of looked like he was trying to have sex with the wall.

Dan once went bowling while someone else glasses which lead into putting fingers in holes. There seems to be three major styles. The three finger, the one finger and the two finger. Three finger seems to be the most popular. 




2/14/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

Very late in the game the Brewers were down 3 to 5. And in the final moments of the game Adam snuck in our final goal. It was not pretty and Jamie did most of the work winning a ball in the corner and it trickled past the goalie and right into Adam lap. He did not hesitate, he stole the goal from Jamie and later said it was not going toward the back of the net. 

Joe was so excited about popcorn after the game he knocked over his beer and spilled all over the table. He and Jamie went to get something to clean it up and along with rags Joe came back with a new cup of beer. It seems he told the girl pouring beer what he did and she gave him a new glass of beer. This was not the end of that. When he went back with the wet rags he also took one of the empty pitchers back with him and told her that while cleaning up he spilled the pitcher. She filled up the pitcher for free and he was named MVP of the night. 

At some point in the last week or so Uihlein must have found a little extra money because there have been a few new things. First they have new lights in the parking lot. I guess some cars have been broken into, or stolen. They also added a few arcade games to the mix as well as pull tabs. Lastly and the more important thing is they fixed the urinal in the bathroom. Well fixed is a loose description. There is still ducted tape on the porcelain.  



While some people played soccer this last week, some of us were playing in Puerto Rico

2/7/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

Recap: Guest writer

This week we played the blenders daiquiris who came into the week with one win and a -33 goal diff.  The dune pumas came out with a comfortable 8-4 win.

Eddie opened the scoring early with a casual low shit to the near post.  Adam scored the next one soon later on his own rebound.  Gil got the next one then Adam got his second, once again on his own rebound.  Adam then scored his hat trick his own rebound.  The next one was scoured by Adam off his own rebound.  Adam scored his fifthf goal of the night from his own rebound.  Eddie got the 8th and final goal of the night by powering the ball threw the keeper.  Jaime and Bobby were there.  Joe actually put a few shots on goal. Sunny missed a PK.  Joe fell down.  Mark had a diving header.  Any scoring at all was impressive considering the concentration required to beat a keeper wearing a Hawaiian shirt, jorts, and a thong ( super hero style...underwear on the outside).

Along the way we feel asleep a few times and gave up 4 goals.  They were all due to general laziness that allowed an odd man rush transition.  Several of them were toe balls.  Other than that there wasn't much of a threat.  Dan didn't really have to make any tough saves and in fact never dove at all in the game.

Other notes:

- someone on the team once dropped acid, ate half a box of dog biscuits, and snorted purplesaurus rex.  I won't say who as it may upset his boss, the district attorney, if this info got out

- a naked threesome is better than a clothed one.  Wise words

- Jaime ran a coaching session using a popcorn box and beer cups.  Moral of the story, when defending one one on one, push the ball to the outside...always.

- "little asians" is a racist phrase 

- mark watched a guy Chop down a tree with an axe in the on ramp median at 35th and i-94.  

- man baby fell in a garbage can, stood up with it still on his head and ran around bouncing off walls.

- sarge is king of the door hardware.  Mark believes door hardware shouldn't exist.

- some things you read throughout this recap may not be entirely true

2/1/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

The scoring started early and unexpectedly. Gill pressured the goalie, who was trying to, and in the box Gill picked the ball off the keepers feet and tapped it over the line for the first goal. 

That did not last long. They scored shortly after that to tie the game. 

The Dune Pumas would score next to take the lead again. This time there was some close quarters passing from Eddie to Bobby, shot just wide of the goal and finely it came off the wall to Sarge's waiting feet wide open to score. 

Eddie made it three when he took a penalty after the  tall Andy got foaled in the box. 

Andy would once again get foaled and held later in the second half by the same guy, yet it was not called. The guy, with both hands, grabbed Andy's arm and held him. Everyone except the refs saw it. 

Later that same guy would would take out Lonny in the open field. 

Tator took the ball deep into the corner and dropped the ball right into Bobby's lap at the top of the box. With one solid touch he drove that ball straight into the back of the next, He made it look so easy.

The prettiest goal of the night would be the three short passes between Mark to The bearded one to Tator and then into the goal. Tator was able to hit both post from a vary low angle shot. 

The last goal was scored by yet another Andy. This time The bearded one went in for a fifty/fifty ball at middle field. He won the challenge and got to the ball first, but was body checked after winning the challenge. As he was getting up l, The Caterer received the ball in open space and went to goal. 

Final 8 to 4

Dan made some good saves. He saved two goals with is feet in a row. The bench could be heard screening "use your hands" "he does know he can use his hands right?"

Some would say that was a bit dickish. 

Words of advice from the wise Mark, ”never have a baby with your cousin." 

1/24/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

Last week's recap revised. 

Original recap, guest writer

"Here's your recap:

-we lost.  It was 5-1, i think.  maybe 4-1.  I dunno.

-dan got scored on a penalty kick that he wasn't ready for.

-gil had a nice goal.

-ryan watched dan, jaime, matola, and joe drink beer.  It was torture."


Seems like there was more to this penalty than meets the eye. Details are screechy at this point. But from the things I hear, the fowl in question may have been out side the box when it occurred.  

Either way the penalty was awarded and the ref put the ball on the spot. Without warning the other teams player shot the ball. Dan was not ready. Dan never heard a whistle, nor was he asked if he was ready. Reminder this was a penalty not a dead ball.  It was  counted as a goal. 

There was was a sitting of a man baby in a game after the Dune Puma's finished. It is said that this grown man ran as if he was just learning to run. His back was straight and there was no side to side movement. Just straight lines and slow gradual turns. 

1/17/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

The return of Sarg is something we did not ever expect to see. After two years and three reinjures Sarg is back and ready to play. 

Unfortunately his come back was not what the Dune Pumas would have hoped for. Maybe we asked to much from him, maybe he was not ready, maybe it had nothing to do with his return. Either way, after leading for most of the game, the Brewers would lose this game 3 to 4. 

There were high hopes going into this game. Only one player was late, but unlike last week, the game did not start early. (editors note: the players called out last week for being late actually should up before posted start time. The game started early and they are not at fault)

The Pumas scoured the first and second call to this shoot out. 

Gill received the ball near the top of the box and smacked it home with his off foot and put it past the keeper. It would be a while before the ext goal. 

Eddie got the second late in the first half. The entire bench was yelling at him to shoot as he trapped the ball right around the penalty box. He ignored these suggestions and to somewhere between 4 and 6 touches before sneaking the call over the keeper and into the back of the net. 

The half ended this way. Two to zero is what Billy would call "the worst lead in football. "

For most of the second half there were still no goal. There were chances by all. But Dad came up big when the defence failed and there was no creativity in the offensive half for the Pumas. There was a lot of possession in the back and the midfield, but we could not get a good shot on goal without the keeper getting in the way. 

Mid of the second half the other team were able to sneak in there first goal. There was a miss communication in the defence and they snuck some in. But still it was only 2 to 1. 

Yet a little bit later they scored again. This time is was because a miss timed sub, leading to a three on two advantage. This would become a theme in the last five minutes of the game. 

Eddie had a goal called back to put the Pumas into the lead once again, but after he was pushed to the ground he hit the ball with his foot. The ball sailed in a high ark I've the keeper and over me as I watch the call just miss the cross bar and land in the goal. There was a whistle. It was not for the goal but for dangerous play. The refs ignored the fowl, but the goal was pulled back and still 2 to 2. 

Honorable mention at this point is going to be The Caterers shot/pass. He did everything right at this point. It really does not matter if he was trying to score or pass the ball. He hit the call, with some vigor, toward the far post. It went a bit wide, but Lonie was right where he would have been to tap the ball into the goal. He missed. Not the goal he missed the ball. Admitted it was a rocket, but all he needed to do with get in front of it. No one blames anyone, it was a difficult one to get Infront of. But since Kurt was not at the game, we might a well blame him this week. 

Justin would like to make one thing clear. When he PASS the ball to Andy in the corner at a high speed, what looked like a shot, was a pass.  This is good to know. The pase was of a shot. The accuracy was of a pass to one of our players in the corner. 

Another bad subbing, on our side, lead to a three on two. The other team found the open man in the corner, who found the mostly open man in the middle of the box. Score 2 to 3 

For the first time in 35 minutes we were losing. This did not lat long.  From all reports Tator was able to get another goal to tie it up. He pulled the ball out of the air with his right shoulder, passed the defender he was marking, and slotted the ball left of the keeper and into the goal. 

We could still win this. Or at least  a tie?

Nope....more bad defense. Or more to the point, more bad subs. The Pumas had a good defense, four on four and everyone marked, but in a poor timed sup the dynamic changed and the other team was able to find a free man in the corner, and like the goal before, had time to find a free man in the box to tap the ball into the back for the goal. 

As I like to do, I will say Dan had a good game. He saved my mistakes in the defense with some great saves. All the one on ones he blocked. 

Sarg wants to go back to Black, because once you go black you never go back. I don't think he likes the yellow jerseys.

If anyone left a pair of kids soccer shoes in the players box, let uihlein know. 

It also seems like there is a lack of good water proof sock. There was a lot of talk about socks. Wool socks are might not be the end all be all. Seems there might be a market for plastic socks. I would suggest they be made of  Pick n Save plastic bags. They always worked on winter soccer Saturday practices. 

Words of wisdom: you have to score more than three goals to win an indoor soccer game. 

Edit coming tomorrow............

after the game the refs must have posted that Brewers won the game. lets see if this stands.

1/10/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

Really late game this week. The Dune Pumas play Flatus at 11:30pm on Tuesday. On paper, or should I say the website, the Brewers won the game 11-7. In reality the score was flipped. We lost but it was close and we would have won if not for the last few minutes of the second half. 

The Brewers did not score the first goal. Yet the Ilecki brothers hooked up for the Brewers first goal shortly after. It was just the two of them versus three players from the other team. Adam took the ball from half and dribbled into the corner pulling all three his way. He found a little space and passed the ball to Andy who was wide open at the penalty spot. Andy tapped the ball over the keeper, into the cross bar and into the goal to tie it up. He was heard, after scoring, chastising his bother saying, "did you have to run so fast?" Andy then subbed out. 

From there the Brewers went down 3 to 1. It took a while and there was some good possession buy both teams at this point. Eddie got his first one before Adam got a second  assist, of the night, to Lonny to tie it up at threes. 

It was at this point the Pumas fell apart for a few minutes. Three unanswered goals would slip in against them as the half ended. 

Eddie got two more goals in the second half to give him a hat trick. Both were basically the same. He receive the ball in the middle of the box and took one touch to beat a defender and pushed the ball into the goal. One of these goal was yet again assisted by Adam. 

In the second half Brewers brought the goal difference to two at one point. That would be the closest they would get from this point on.

Joe had the weakest goal in game. He took a pass from a dead ball and took a shot. Everyone thought the goalie was going to save it. The ball was so close to the post that when the keeper went down for it the ball hit his hands and his foot. As we all watched in amazement it trickled though and just over the line. It never hit the net. 

Now we talk about Eddie again. He was dribbling the ball out of the back. He beat two people to get out of the defensive zone. A third play joined in as he held the ball with three people on his back. He beat all of them at least once with a move before he was finally hacked from behind and went down. The foul was called but while he was on the ground he swung his leg toward the opposing player and caught his leg. The refs were not having this and gave him a yellow card. 

The Brewers got scored on while being a man down but did not get their player back because when you get a yellow card it is a hard two minutes. 

You could tell the game was getting a little choppy after this. The other team got a blue card shortly after this for dissension when swore at the hick ref after disagreeing with a call. 

Now it is four versus four when Gill dribbled the ball into the box and get fouled from behind. This leads to another blue card and a penalty. Gil does not miss these and he scored the last goal for the Pumas. 

There was no drinking after the game. 

Two players showed up late for the game and one never showed up at all. 

Editors note: remember no matter how your body feels after the game and into the morning. We do this for fun. 

Edit: the game started early and not one was late.

1/3/2023 40 indoor Soccer 

First game of the year. 11-2

A late recap this time, but that also sums up how we started the game. It took the Dune Pumas a while to get into the flow of the 9:30pm game. Everyone start slow and seemed not ready to play, even though almost everyone was on time and warmed up time on and off the field. 

There was a quick goal scored against us within minutes of the start and still the motivation was not being shown. But after some awhile The Dune Pumas scored a forgettable goal because no one could be sure who put it in. 

More time goes by and the other team scores again. This time it was Dan's fault. He will admit it. He misplayed the ball off the wall and could not handle it as it hit the ground right in front of the goal. An opposing player was close enough to him to get a toe on the ball and put them in the lead, again. This is why goals should not do a no drink January. 

Now we are losing 1-2, but this was the turning point. Within moments of the kick off Bobby strutted down the field to put one past the goal to tie it up for the second time. This was the wake up call the team needed. Five more unanswered goals were scored before half and the other team would not score another goal the entire game. 

The game ended 11-2 for the good guys with multiple people scoring and a few scoring two goals. We could not remember who scored all the goals, but let's do our best to figure out some of them.

Eddie chipped the keeper, because Eddie chips the keeper. It took a few tries and each of the attempts got closer and closer. First he hit the net high, then he hit the net high again but a little bit lower, the third shot hit the wall and finally the third went in. The progression was staggering and I am sure most people would have give up after the third miss.

Jamie ended up with one, but it was in the first half and, as I pointed out, most of the team was asleep in the first half and could not remember most of it. As a side note: Jaime took at least three impressive rocket shots, as she does, but all of them went well high of the goal. 

The bearded one ended up with two one in each half. The second one took two attempts to beat the keeper. The ball came of the wall from a well placed chip over the defense's heads into the corner. It was trapped and shot with the left for into the keeper and came right back to him. It was then struck with the outside of the right and snuck right between the goalies legs. 

The tall Andy and Bobby were involved with the first goal for the Bearded one. Andy brought the ball up and passed the ball across the goal to Bobby in the opposite corner. Under pressure Bobby passed it back into the middle of the goal, a little off target, where The Bearded One had to stretch his left leg out so far that he had to put his right knee on the ground to redirect it on goal. 

There was also an own goal scored in the game by the other team. I think Lonny I think The Caterer crossed the ball into the box right into Jason's path, but the man defending him got there first and scored on his own team. Jason had it the entire way. 

Jason would get his later. The ball was passed to him during a two on one. He received it in the box, paused and took a stutter step to fake out the keeper and passed the ball into the corner. There is some debate as to if he meant to make that move. Observers later asked him is he miss handled it and almost tripped on the ball, but in the end no one cares.

The Bearded One could have had a hat trick in this game, but was forced to make a decision at the last minute. He had beaten one player and had a clear shot on goal. All that he would have needed to do was beat the keeper.Instead he saw Bobby finishing the run to the far post and decided to play the ball for a tap in. After the goal he was heard to have said "The one was for you Bobby." In reality he was mad that Bobby forced him to make the choice in the first play and wished Bobby would not have made that run.

Lonny did not score. He may have had the most opportunities, in the box and right on the line, but he could not get the right touch on the ball to put in the back of the net. 

There were other goals and in total the drinking team could only account for nine of them. Yet we all assume that all three of Andy's scored at least one which would bring us to the total of eleven. One of those Andy's got two.

The drinking team was small this week and smaller than the number that hung out after the game. Two members of the drinking team have decided that January is a month for not drinking. This would become more upsetting as we found out that they are counting the number of pitchers  consumed by each team and will be giving out a prize to the team that drank the most. Without them the team of five dropped down to three. We are off to a slow start with only two pitchers consumed. I could be worse next week with an 11:30pm game.

There was a lot of talk after the game about construction and brick laying. Some naughty dry wall talk followed by how much landscaping costs. No one knows why change orders only go one way and you always round up to the nearest dollar. 

And since this was an over forty's team, there was a lot of talk about past and nagging injuries. Yet no one is willing to quit the beautiful game. 

Lastly: we all hope for the best for Damar Hamlin. The Milwaukee Brewers FC had a similar scare during a coed indoor game where one of there member was given CPR on the field in the middle of the game.  Joe, one of the Dune Pumas, helped save our team mates life before the ambulance got there.

12/20 over 40 indoor Soccer 

Last game of the season and the year. It was a semi successful game. It was not a win, but it was not a total loss. It was a tie. 6- 6 to end the game after the Brewers Dune Pumas lead more than half the game. 

The Brewers took the lead early and racked up 4 goals before the Wednesdays even scored one. Yet would blow that lead with 3 unanswered points before scoring again.  Even Wallee the ref would point this out after the 3rd goal. Yet the Brewers would be in the lead, or tie,  untill late in the second half where they would be down 6-5 for a short time.

 I will do my best to put goals in the right order, but since I was playing, for most of the game,  I will not guarantee any such thing.

Bobby got the first goal and once again showing he can put the ball in the back of the net, It took him a few tries, all in the same attempt.  Once he received the ball in the box he shot the ball (save), shot the ball after it fell at his feet a second time (blocked) and shot the ball one more time for a goal. I guess the third time's the charm and it started the team off on the right foot. 

Eddie also got a goal once he won the ball at half field. Adam ran left, calling for the ball the entire time, while Eddie  dribbled the ball right at the only defender between him and the goal. We will give Adam the assist on this one since he was such a bother that he pulled the defender towards him leaving Eddie a nice clear shot on goal. He beat the keeps with a well placed shot to put the team up yet another goal.

Now I am not sure of this, but I think the third goal was by The Caterer. He made a half field run without the ball to receive the ball from Joe who threaded the needle between two defenders right into Andy's stride. Some would say Andy's first touch was a little big. Yet it was still within his grasp. He touched the ball for the second time and slid it under the keeper right before they ran into each other.

Jamie stole a goal for Justin after Jason Took a shot from distance. The ball bounced off the wall and toward Justin, who was ready to pick it out of the air, but Jamie got in the way and it bounced off her shoulder and into the goal. There is not doubt that Justin would have put this in if it had come to him. He would also have another chance a little later when the ball came off the keeper and he had a chance to nood it into the goal from point blank range. It was a solid redirection, but the keeper changed direction and was able to get the save.

Late in the second half Jamie would have another chance to put a goal in the back of the net. Jason received the ball at the top of the arch. Instead of doing the Jason thing and turning and shooting dropped the ball to Jamie a few yards back. She took the shot from distance and it just lasered  under the crossbar and into the goal. It was remarked late that no one thought she should take that shot. She has a reputation of putting these shots well over the goal, but this one was perfect.

There were two injuries to come out of this game.  Both the Ilecki brothers would come out of this game with a little more pain than they went into it with. Adam was cross checked into the boards late in the game and was almost bent in half when he hit the wall. He laid on the ground for a while holding his back. He did not play the rest of the game (two minutes) Adam also jammed his thumb when he hit the ground before this. 

The other Ilecki was also injured in the second half. Andy ended up taking a shot on goal. The keeper saved it. Yet in the motion of that shot Andy felt something give in his quad. . After he went down he looked around to see what hit him and after looking it was noticed that there was no rock around, no randam shoe and no players around that might have hit him. Now it is still early, but after not seeing a doctor it has been concluded that he pulled something. 

Have a pleasant non denominational holiday event.

12/13 over 40 indoor Soccer 

There were a few goals scored tonight. The final score was 16 - 2 but the score board stopped counting at 13 - 2. For the most part everyone scored today, with two exceptions. 

We started off quick with a few goals and because of how many, I could no longer tell you who scored first. But I will do my best with the highlights in no particular order. 

Justin had a fancy goal in the first half. He was on the post with the ball, keeper at his back, goal at his back when he spun around and dragged the ball around and into the back of the goal. It was not exactly a back heel, more like a wrap around goal. 

Billy came off  injured reserve to lead the scoring total with five total goals and four assists. Two of his goals came from an assist from Andy, the bearded one. And two of his goals he assisted him self. He was on fire. Not bad for a guy that said before the game that he was out of shape. He didn't even play the entire game on the field.  He would take some time off from scoring and play a little goal keeper late in the second half. He did not let anyone score on him. 

While Billy was in the goal Dan came out and decided to play a little bit of offence. He scored two goals. The first he made a bold run up the line and hit the wall with his body as hard as he hit the bad into the goal. 

Over all there was a lot of good passing around the front of the goal. There was an Andy to Andy goal where the Caterer got one of his two goals after he  ran nearly the full field to receive the ball across the goal and he just hammered it home. Straight as a arrow. 

Sunny scored twice. 

Jamie had a few good shots but most of them went well above the goal. She did not score at all. The other player that did not score was Mark. He has a few good passes but not much more to say about that. 

Late in the second half Justin decided to toy with one of the other teams players. There was a fifty/fifty ball that Justin collected easily. Yet the other player was trying to get the ball away from him. Justine just held the ball at his feet for a bit then beat the player and moved up field a foot or two. He then decided to wait for the player to catch up to him and beat him again. I think he was trying to make a friend. 

Yet this was not the dick move of the game. Eddie would take that honor when late in the game, after the score board stopped counting our goals. He went one on one with a defender, megged him and then passed the ball past the keeper. It was dirty and somewhat embarrassing for the player, but it was a nice goal. 

Andy, the Bearded one, score two goals in the night. The surprising thing about this is that neither of them were score with the outside of the right foot. There was one shot like that but it did not go in. The two goal were both scored with the old rusty gate,  left foot and well placed.

Tim also got a goal but he should have had two, but if he would have scored on his second attempt Andy would not have had  his second left footed goal of the game 30 seconds into the second half and then suped out. 

After the game there was some talk about good looking ass holes. But it's not what you might think, the ass while was a person....we have all met a person like this. 

There was a little bit of hate directed at one of the workers at the complex. Not sure the hate was justified. But the story I heard was one of the players on our team once asked her if she could borrow one shoe from the lost and found since she forgot her's. I guess the worker said no in a vary short and insulting manner. This lead to some insults about fighting and tearing her a second vagina. It as at this point Adam heard one of the worst things he could ever hear. Yet something that has been said many times and might have been inappropriate. I am sorry, but it was said "you would not need to find it just Fuck the folds ..... What no one has ever been whaling before?" Nope I am not proud of this but it was said. 

Oh and it turns out Billy is short for William. Seems like not everyone knows this. 

Robert did not show up this week. Neither did Bobby. 

This is Dan, Dan is our keeper. Dan was not playing on a Brewers team when this happened, But this is Dan.

12/06 over 40 indoor Soccer 

A win is a win, but today we did not win. It was a hard game and the Dune Pumas should have done better, but a 6 -4 loss sounds worse than it was. 

To start, our defense was bad. We could hold our own on team defense for the most part, but when it comes to stopping breakaways...there were just to many. At one point there was a 3 on 1 that ended up in a goal. There was a 4 on 2 the ended in a goal. There was a 2 on 1 that ended in a goal. No one blames any of the players in these plays but these kind of things can't happen over and over again. Well maybe I blame Mark for one of these....he could have played the 3 on 1 a little better and at least marked two of them. 

It was not all bad. No one scored within the first ten minutes of the game. There was a lot of back and forth soccer with chances and attempts, but the first goal was scored by Wednesday against us, and from what I saw, Dan was hung out to dry and never had a chance to save it.

The score does not reflect the game. For the most part the Pumas has a lot of good shots and more, if you believe the stats, than the other team. Yet we could not score. As Sunny would say after the game "I missed every shot I took." I would not be to hard on him, since at least two of those shots were on goal. 

Our first goal was a single handed effort form Eddie. He got the ball on a break and had to beat one defender and put the ball right over the keepers head, but at this point we were 2 goals down. 

Bobby had a shot of goal that was most impressive. Joe an I were on the bench at the time and we saw the ball leave Bobby's foot heading directly at the near post. It was going a straight line with nothing in the way. Then all so a sudden the keeper came, from the middle of the goal, on a well timed dive to get on had on it and push it away. Bobby was quoted as saying "I could not even see the keeper, hell I don't think he could see me." The goalless streak continues. 

Now I don't want to make to much of this but it has to be said. Kent (the Canadian) made his first appearance since the outdoor season ended. For his first game back he did not do so bad. He had two solid goals in the second half. Both of which he played the point man and was able to turn and slide it past his marking man and the keeper. His last goal, if we call it his, was similar but he pushed his marking defender in the back toward the goal and into the ball coming across the goal. It went off the defenders foot and the Brewers now had four goals and just one goal away from tieing the game. 

Moments later the other team would score with less than a minute on the clock, game over. 6-4 final. So all Kent's goal were for naught. Hell he didn't even stay for a beer after the game. The team was not pleased. There may need to be sanctions or at least an investigation to make sure this does not happen again. 

After the game there was a lot of talk about things that explode. There were stories of hot sauce being stepped on, batteries in camp fires, salsa in a pocket, cans of beer in a camp fire and a gas station going up in flames because some one's mom drove off with the nozzle still plugged into the car. 

There is a place in north Pewaukee called Carlee's that has the "best" hookers in all of where ever Pewaukee is. It is not recommend by Dan or Jamie. Yet maybe, just maybe.

THC will from this point on be know as TLC. Over all you might be able to interchange the two on the short term, but in the end you know which is better. 

I would like to point out how good most soccer players are when not on the soccer field. We all know  most are jerks while playing. Accidently I left my jacket, with my keys, and wallet sitting next to the bleachers for all of our game. To top it all off, my phone was on top of the Jacket in full view of everyone that walked by. Yet after the game when I realized I left all of this unattended I went and found that it was still there. Untouched. The moral of the story is that as long as most soccer players are not on the field they are good people. Thanks for not stealing my stuff.

Oh and Sunny did not score.

11/29 over 40 indoor Soccer 

USA USA the US team moves in to the round of 16 with a win over Iran. 

While the Dune Puma's indoor win is not as significant, it is still a win for the good guys and lady. The final was a solid 7 - 4 win. 

To start the day the Ilecki brothers went to the Highbury to watch the USA World Cup game. This would be the younger one's first time to this Bay View staple and it was enjoyable. 

Even after a few beers while enjoying the world cup both Ilecki brothers made it the indoor game. One was late and it had nothing to do with those drinks. I swear it was a traffic issue.  And I don't appreciate getting a text accusing me of falling asleep instead of going to play. 

With that news setting the back drop, Adam scored the first goal of the game with an off pace shot that just barely snuck in between the post and the goalies hand. 

Second goal was to tie it up and was not scored by the Brewers. 

Tator was able to get the next goal and from this point on the Dune Pumas would hold the lead till the end of the game. 

This is not to say it was smooth sailing. There was a good six minutes stretch were we seemed to forget how to play soccer. Passes were being made to the other team and we could just not keep any kind of control. At this point the other team was able to pull the game close again with three unanswered goals. There was some yelling and some arguing, but we got our heads out of our asses and started to put a few more balls into the net. 

We hit the post at least six times though out the game. Eddie hit one that went right back to him, but he could not control it. Adam had a solid hit that hit the corner and bounced back into play and Tator had three post shots, one on each post. First he hit the left post, then he hit the cross bar (which might have crossed the goal line) and lastly, so he could complete the set he bounced one of the right post.  

Both Adam and Tator scored their second goal in the second half. Justin also joined them with two goals in the game. 

This leave one goal that we need to account for and it would come from a most unlikely source. Bobby was able to get in on the back end of a cross and shoot the ball on goal, it missed. He got the rebound and shot again, he hit the keeper. Again it landed at his feet and again he put it on goal, it hit the keeper again. Yet he would get one more try when the ball once again landed at his feet and this time he found the back of the net. 

That accounts for all of the goals, but after the game Sunny asked if he had scored. No Sunny you did not score. Yet he is willing to take credit for one of the goals....Adam doesn't need both of his. 

After the game there was some experimentation with beer. Mark created a new drink called the Beer Press. It is created by putting one pitcher in another that has a little bit of beer in it. Press the top one down and that will help to concentrate the alcohol and make the beer stronger. We let him drink this concoction. (He will get back to us)

In other news, Jamie does not like gambling, but she will blow on your dice if you want her to. 

Police man Joe was once called princess by a flaming flight attendant after pucking in the blue water in the airplane's bathroom.  He was not the only one to tell us a story about throwing up while flying. You'll have to ask John about his story. 

Oh and Sunny did not score this week. 

USA USA round of 16

Dune Pumas game rating. 

11/22 over 40 indoor Soccer 

We got whooped. That's two weeks in a row we lost. This time we lost 10 to 4. 

Again with such a poor showing there is not a lot of good things to say. 

I will start with the defense: it was bad. There was a lot of missed marks, walking and just bad tackles. On the good side Dan once again had a vary aggressive proformance. He side out three times to pull the ball out from under the attacking players feet and all three times he got the ball and some of the players feet. Only one goal was his fault. He looked like a juggler trying to get his hands on the ball and just lost it. He's not even sure how that happened. 

Jamie got our first goal to tie up the game. It was a left footed rip through the crowd and passed the keep. She would get another one later in the game to be our top scorer of the game. 

Jason got one later in the game to keep the score close. This too was with is left foot. Adam ran interference on this goal. He was Infront of the keeper and at the last second moved out of the way and I don't think the keeper even saw the ball before it was past him. 

Adam was also doing a good job of making friends out on the soccer field. In one shift he had three fowls in a row. The first he was pushed and went down. On his way down he took a swing and kicked the player in the back of the calf's as he wend down. He puts another guy done in the corner and started yelling at the ref for a while. I think he deserved a blue card but it never came that goodness. He did score one in the game so no harm no fowl. 

Then there was bobby. He got destroyed by the other teams goal keeper out side of the box. Someone dumped the ball into the corner and Bobby won the fifty/fifty ball and was turning for the shot and the goalie pulled off an arm bar and dragged Bobby to the turf. Blue card and we still could not score. 

Before the game even started there was some controversy and some questions out our president. Derek bought what I think was a hoodie for our Brewers FC flash store a while back. He got it delivered today with a little bottle of USED lotion in the bag with his purchase. There was some speculation as to why, but nothing good can come from sharing these. 

It seems there is a name for it when you light your farts on fire, but no one really knew what it was. Derek tired to tell us, but only odd sounds came out of his mouth. So we decided to name it ourselves. Sarg (oh yes there was a Sarg sighting) suggested 'Hot Chewbacca.' our definition was lighting your fart on fire with no pants on. Yet after some extensive research I found the this name is already taken. Seems like Urban dictionary has a Hot Chewbacca is a hot girl with a hairy vagina. Seems like all the good names are already taken.  Seems like on of the names is called a flaming trombone, pyroflatulence,  flatus ignition or a blue angel. Seems this has more names but I'm done doing research. 

Also Dan can't burp. He gave an explanation as to why, but no one was documenting that. Yet the good news is he can still fart and he many be doing that more because he can't burp. 

Once again Kent was not at the game. It was a nine thirty game so it could have been past his bed time. We missed the canuck. He may be preparing for the loss that his national team will suffer in Canada's first World Cup 2022 game on Wednesday. 

11/15 over 40 indoor Soccer (fuck)

The less I talk about this game the better. We played Futsal Refugees tonight. If you know you know. We lost 9 to 1. 

Since we don't have a lot of good things to say about this game I will focus on what I can. 

There were some good shots on goal but the other keeper was good and was able to pick all of them out of the air. He also has two was able to shoot at our goal twice. Thank goodness he did not score. That would have been embarrassing. 

We tried to chip him twice and as the score would show that did not go well. 

Dan had a lot of good saves. He was not the reason we lost. Let's just make that clean our goalie did his best to save what he could. Dame this team likes to run as a team. 

So yes, we scored one goal, but it was not in the run of play. Andy (The Bearded One) received a ball near the top of the box...maybe a bit to the left of the box...and took a shot with the outside of his right foot. It was on target but was intercepted by the arm of one of the other teams hand. A few  things of note here. The player was in the box, his last name was Luna and had once been Andy's coach while at Bavarians. 

One of the other Andys on the Dune Pumas stepped up to take the penalty and scored. 

Now I know this should be a recap of our teams performance but this needs to be noted. At the end of the second half this Luna guy was marking Andy (The Bearded One) had two shots on goal. After both shots he ended up on the ground. The first was an off balanced shot and the second Luna put full cleats into the back of his calf leaving two long clear marks down the back of Andy's leg. Luna was quoted after the play saying "the second one felt meaty. And I was apologizing before he went down" There was no fowl called on the play and the half ended. 

So it seems that Robert finally showed up to the game today. Jamie has been curious as to why this guy Robert always responded in the email chain that he was going to be at the game, but he never showed up. Well Jamie just leard that Bobby is Robert and Robert is Bobby....side note I typed Booby but I corrected it before posting. 

After the game Mark (John)  went to his car and brought a bunch of World Cup Qatar swag in. There were some sticker book, some small trading cards and some packs of stickers. He just want to get ride of it at this point. His story is that it was just delivered to his house, it has some strangers name on it, his neighbor's address on it and had been delivered to three other places before his house. When he track the package it has once been delivered to a Walmart in a different state. He tried to find out who's shipment this was, called his old neighbor, searched the name on the package and a few other things. Yet it seems no one wanted to claim it. 

Sadly there was no bracelet in the swag, which made one of the Brewers disappointed. 

Derek donated most of this stuff to the Kickers origination before we left, I'm not sure if that had anything to do with our table getting two hand delivered popcorn baskets, but they did show up after he gave the swag to the front desk. 

There was some talk about what we are going to do for the first USA World Cup game Monday, but as of now there is  no good plan. 

Lastly Kurt could not make the game this week because he hurt his foot last week. I'm sure if he would have shown up and coached us we could have done better. 

Free stuff, but no jewelry 

Carrie sent me this while I was playing. She said her daughter was watching election results with her and said, something to the fact, "that's Andy? Andy from soccer?" 

11/8 over 40 indoor Soccer 

Solid win for the over 40 Dune Pumas. We did not play our best game but than again we tend to play down to the teams we play against. The final was 14 to 4.  Wallie even mention that we did not look like we played well. 

We started off strong with a solid goal from the first shift. Gill was the first on the board. The first of many. 

Eddie chipped the keeper from about half field for number two. The keeper got his hands on it but only the finger tips and it went over the line. 

Number three came from the Bearded one with the standard outside of the right foot shot. It hit the keepers hands but the spin on the ball confused him and it bounced off his hands went over his left shoulder. 

After three unanswered goals the other team finally put in one. It was a mess. There was a bad high back pass to Dan, the ball just would not settle at his feet. The one on coming forward got a piece of it and slid around him and passed it into the goal. This would not be the only goal GIVEN to the other team. 

Once again the Bearded one was involved in the fourth goal. He had space In front of the goal and shot it directly at Jamie who was just trying to get out of the way and it rickashaied of her, For a moment she was not sure if it was going to be a shot or a pass to her, but when it became clear it was going to be a shot  she tried to make herself as small as possible, and the ball went into the side netting. 

At this point it became the Justin and tall Andy show for a while. At least three goals came from a pass from Justin to Andy. Only to be interrupted by Tim putting one into the back of the net. 

When Justin and Andy kept scoring the Beard One decided that he had seen enough of this and stole a goal off the line from Andy. Just before the ball crossed the line he did a  little toe poke that was excessive and unnecessary. 

The three other goals scored against the good guys where, for the most part, gifts. There was a bad pass out of the back. Leaving a two on one with Dan. Someone decided to dripple through two people out of the back and had his pocket picked and again two on one with Dan. 

The fourth was nothing to right home about and this writer did not see how it was scored. I hear it was a three on one because Andy overlapped the Bearded One, which opened the middle of the field right in front of the goal and when making the move to put the ball on his right foot....the ball went where it was supposed to go, but his body did not and he ended up on the ground, untouched and not fowled. 

We are sure other people scored after this but no one was paying attention at this point. Yet one memorable goal was when Justin smashed the ball with all his might passed the keeper, who might have been trying to get out of the way. The ball was still accelerating as it hit the back of the net.

Things of note. Joe does not like IPAs. This lead to the skankiest sluttiest beer of the night. First Joe pored it into his glass and drank some. Joe pored this beer into Dan's cup, who also drank some. From here it was pored into Jamie's cup and she drank it. That one beer sure went around the table. 

No one plays with Justin's balls. Not even a black Mormon. Who knew this was a fetish?

Dan and Jamie are looking for a quick way to make some money to help pay for the delays they have been having while  building their new home. They may want to become drug dealers to make a few extra bucks. Seems like Joe knows and has made meth in the his duties as a police officer. 

And if you find yourself coming off a meth high while in county jail with a friend, you should pick off the others scabs and drink their urine to help you come down slowly. Not sure why you would not pick your own or drink your own, but that is just how it is done. 

I don't even want to relive the old people gang bang conversation, but Matty (who was not there and does not play anymore) wanted me to ask Jamie if she wanted to introduce her mom to Kurt's dad. Things got weird from there. Things were said, threesomes were suggested, Derek had to listen to his mom talk about dating for COMPANIONSHIP. Things got vary weird.

Don't go to Myrtle Beach but if you do, eat the soggy crap legs. If you don't, you have not had the true Myrtle Beach experience. This might be a euphemism for something, but I don't think so.

Lastly, some advice. If you are going to take the Blue Pill only take one. If you take two you might end up calling out of work and walking around the house knocking lamps off tables. 

11/1 over 40 indoor Soccer 

The game this week did not go as well as last. Final was 5 - 2 the good guys did not win. But not all was bad. 

It started off bad in the email chain when the player count jumped to more than 13 that said they would play. Shortly after players were jumping at the chance to volunteer not to play. Ten minutes before game time only six people were at the field giving the few there a little bit to worry about by game time ten were suited up and ready to play. We had twelve to play in total. 

The first goal was scored the drought king, Bobby. He scored of a well place shot. I don't think anyone saw it but he celebrated and no one disputed he was the last to touch the ball before it went in. This put the Dune Puma up early. (Spoilers, this was the last time we would be in the lead)

Defensive marking would cost the team a goal to get the game tied. This would not be the last marking error of the game. 

Second goal against was a bad pass out of the back to make it 2-1 against. We will not name names because this happened a few times. Only two bad passes lead to goals. 

We tied it up with another impressive goal from an vary unselfish goal. Justin did a lot of work and tired some truly strang shit in the game but on this goal he dribbled around in the corner and simply passed to a team make to tie the game up. Lonny just tapped it in wide open on the back post. 

Scored on again. We don't want to talk about this. The people involved know what was done wrong. No need to point her out. But a bad pass turn possession into a two one one and 3 -2. 

Before half the Caterer muscled his way into the box and took a fifty/fifty ball and turned it into a goal right under the keeper. 

Half time 3-3 still in the game. 

The second half plan was to shot the bad at the upper corners of the opposing teams goal. It would have work too if not for the other teams keeper.  He pulled at least 5 well places shots out of the air with little to no effort. 

Goal four against might have been the breaking point and some of the worse communication of the game. Three forwards and three defenders in front of our goal. The one with the ball was marked. The one in the corner was also marked by TWO of our players. The one in the middle was not marked and yes it is now 4 -3. 

Dan once again had a tremendous unsave just like last week. Dead ball, no wall and he dodged, dipped, ducked and dodged to let the ball sail by and into the goal. The other team was pissed. We had to explain the no direct kick rule to them from the bench, yet still they complaint to the ref that it should count because they did not know any better. 

From here it went down hill. Mark got run into the wall and hit his head. The players excuse was he pushed Mark but it was only when he landed on Mark that he forced him into the wall. I think both of those are fowls. 

The last goal was scored and that is all I have to say about that. 5-3. 

But game is not over. Dan being the goalie that he is and also the kind of guy who does not give up had an unmarked man in the corner so he came out of the box and slid, hands out and and up. The shot was taken and yes it hit his hands. Blue card and we are down one man with under two minutes. What else was he to do. He thought there was five minutes on the clock. 

At some point Gil made a friend on the field and someone in the middle of play just looked at him and yelled "Fuck You"

Game is mostly over at this point but Police man Joe decided to save one last goal with his face. With thirty seconds on the clock. That ended the game. I tried to get the ref to give the other team a blue card with ten seconds on the clock when the other team left the bench before the clock hit zero. That did not work. 

After the game Eddie finally realized he was old when a kid he he once coached in U10 came up to him. The only consolation was after that realization was that the kid told Eddie he was the best coach ever. 

Kurt's child let him use her water bottle for the game.

Lastly The Caterer hurt him self while after game beers. It was only a cramp and may have been facilitated by him sitting in a high chair. 

After the game there was some muttering about how tired people were and we could have used a sub or two more. 

As we were planning on leaving a cop came in and was not looking for any of us. Joe kind of knew the guy, but did not say hi.

Kurt's sweat rag and daughters water bottle

10/25 over 40 indoor Soccer 

(first game)

The Dune Pumas started the indoor season out great with a 12   0 shut out. 

There are a few rule changes this year that not everyone was aware of. 

First and foremost there is no sliding in this league. Bobby was the first to test this rule when   he   aagaoaagaoataagaoaagaoataa blue card for two footing the ball. He never touched the man, he save what was probably going to be a goal, but it was highly illegal. 

The second rule change that almost no was knew about, even though it was mentioned before the game, all kicks are indirect kicks. The best demonstration of this was the other teams first goal. Yes the ball went into the next on a dead ball close to the box. Dan did the unthinkable and told the defense not to make a wall. The bench was stunned and kind of confused. Justin looked confused to he had no idea where to stand. The ball was shot directly into the goal and Dan just danced out of the way. The bench was angry, but in the end Dan made the best unsave and the goal was not awarded. 

Devin asked the ref of all dead balls where indirect and the nearest said yes. So the. Devin asked about penalty kicks. Turns out not all dead balls are indirect. 

Rule three most of the team knew about last session when it took affect half way though the second season. When a team goes up more then 5 goal they no longer add that extra player. It just stay six on six. No one knows why this one was changed. 

Now on to the game highlights. The bearded one scored the first goal of the season to start the shutout. As we all can guess it was a off pace hit with the out side of the right foot and it spun off the keepers hands. Two more goals would come from Andy in the second half one was a simple tap in with the inside of the foot after being on the pitch for about five seconds. The other was from the normal out side of the foot finish for a hatty. The good ilecki assisted the line of those goals but there is some dispute as to when he actually heard Andy yelling for the ball. He never even looked cross field before he passed the ball. 

Justin picked off an errant shot from Tator and just picked it out of the air for an well place volley to the upper corner. No one had a change to save it, not even sure the keeper saw it till it went in. Top five goal seen this year from the Dune Pumas for sure. 

Tator took a sub at the worst moment late in the second half. Six minutes before the end of the game to put Dan shutout in jeopardy. There was a 3 on 2 and Tator came off. He was heard to say "it will be fine, if they score, it's in me." They did not score. 

Almost everyone score today and there were a lot of good passing Infront of the goal. Eddie juked a defender at the pot of the box and softly place the ball right of the keeper in the side netting. 

Point to be made before the game the bearded looked at Eddie before the game and said, "I'm going to score."

Mark and Sarge do architectory and when they got to work they are architecturing. Not sure what that means but that is also why Jamie was not at the game. 


Goals I know of. Tator, Justin tall Andy....yes it took 3 tries for him to finally put the ball in the net. First shot at wall, second at wall, maybe the goalie touched it once and fourth touch he put it in the net.  Gill, and Mark also hit the net. 

Lastly Gregg sucks.

10/22 Friday Soccer

We are the champions. Not only did we win the league but we also won a trophy (which we bought our selves) and all of the Brewers Sting Titian's beer tickets. 

Many goals where scored in Friday's final game of the season, as well as many misses.  Final was 8 - 1. Sure the other team only had ten players and the Brewers had an army of almost twenty but that does not tell the whole story. Passes were made, people ran, people jogged and for the most part fun was had. 

The first major miss was from our leader Kent. The ball came across the goal and instead of tapping it into the goal, the ball just stuck to his foot and the keeper was able to get his hands on it. 

For a while there it did not look like the Brewers wanted to score. We got the ball into the box but no one wanted to shoot. We had two or three good passes in the box but the last one was never quite on target and didn't result in a shot. 

By the end of the first half it was only 2 - 0 for the good guys. 

The Traveling Scientist went down twice, once in the game when he cramped up while trying a fancy spin move into the box during the game. The second time he went down after the game when he dropped his beer on Gil. He recovered from both falls. 

A notable goal in the second half was from Cam who some how found a little bit of space between the goalie's hands and the crossbar. 

After six goals scored the Brewers forgot that they had to play defense. There were three two-on-one situations in a vary short time and the last of these resulted in the only goal scored against the good guys. 

Sunny would tell you he had a hat trick, which might be a real fact, but all that anyone will remember is the one he missed from seven yards out. That could have been his third goal but after it sailed over the goal he was subbed to think about what he had just done. He did come back and get that third goal. (We will never hear the end of this) After the game he celebrated by eating a stranger's Chinese food in the parking lot. 

Devin showed his talent by hitting both posts on a rocket shot from a questionable angle on goal. Yet in the end it went in and was counted as a goal. Point of interest here is that Tator passed the ball instead of shooting it. 

Shirtless Nick was able to score the last goal of the season. This fact was in jeopardy for a brief moment when Tator was feed a beautiful ball across the goal, he made great contact and hit the post. He will have to wait till next season to make up for that. 

Otto was always open, not everyone noticed but I noticed. 

After the game Kurt disappeared for a while then came back. He took his bag and left the party only to come back to some grand cheers and fanfare. Finally when he decided to leave for good. Kent gave him a kiss and the eternally injured Sarge (and new camera man) licked Kurt's ear. I can not explain more. 

Also Cam left and came back to drink out of the trophy. Brian left and came back to great cheers but left after grabbing his water bottle and was booed as he left again. We assume he went down again in the parking lot. 

Great season boys. Let's get ready for indoor. 

The trophy, the beer and the tickets from the other brewers team.

10/14 Friday Soccer

As pointed out by our leader, it was a good game this Friday night. Five goals where scored by the Brewers one was called back on a questionable offsides call. The final was 4 - 1. 

We were able to pull together a team and had two subs, but I'm sure if we would have let everyone know that Andy the Caterer was bringing his home made apple cider I think we would have gotten a few more show up. 

Nick was part of the first three goals. The first goal he unselfishly passed the ball to Tator for a tap in. The second he scored on his own and he assisted the 3rd as well. 

Cam got one as well and so did old lover boy Mbida. To put us up by 4. 

There was one yellow card given to the Brewers but that was to be expected since Wallie was the ref for the game and Cam must have missed the memo that Wallie doesn't like it when you swear at him. This was also after the goal that was called back for, as I said, a questionable offsides call. 

Best quote of the day, "You have a beautiful smile it is attached to your soul." Man I missed playing with Mbida. This was directed at the new beer girl behind the counter. She did have a nice smile. 

Kent hurt himself again and took his gear off before the wissel blew, and Sunny did not score. 

Justin must have been bored because he needed to make his life interesting back in goal. He tried to clear the ball off one or the other teams forwards back and then had to slide to kick save it off the line.  

The only goal scored on us was simple pass to the back post for a tab in. After the goal Nick was heard saying "I was just check out on that one." And not I don't think anyone was offsides on that play. 

Best call off the game came from Devin who called the ball out of bounce in protest. The other team called one out that clearly was not so Devin did the same and Wallie called it. 

We are still in first place going into the last game of the season. 


Sunday 10/1 canceled game 

The traveling scientist doesn’t read his email.  As a result he showed up 30 minutes prior to kickoff and warmed up by himself.  At 1055 he texted me to ask if the game had been canceled.  On a positive note, he got all the beer tickets for both teams.  

10/9 Sunday Soccer

Great Sunday night game for the Dune Puma's. The brewers scored seven goals through out the game and let in two late goals in  the second half. 

Not sure who got the first goal but I'm sure it was by accident. 

The second goal was a rocket into the net by New Nick only minutes after the first. 

Before the half Eddie got into a minor challenge, but had his foot stepped on. For a minute we all thought he broke his ankle but he recovered a taking a sub and pushed in a comfortable goal in the second half. 

There was a moment in the second half where all three Andys we're on the field at the same time and worked the ball out of the back in tight quarters. There were four of five short passes, all accurate, to get out of a high press situation. 


Nicoli got the first goal in the second half. He swears he was shooting at the time. It snuck into the near upper corner. There was no angle and almost no room between the posts and the keepers glove, but it was a great goal to put the team up by three.

Adam would not let this stand. He was not impressed and with the help of Andy the Caterer,  he would  out do every other  goal in the game. The cross came in and the Good Ilecki left his feet and picked the ball out of the air with a text book half volley. 4-0. Nicoli no longer had the best goal of the game. 

New Jason wanted in on the action and decided to try to show both of them up with a full on bicycle kick. He made excellent contact but was called for a high kick even though the closest player had no chance of getting his the head in.....the shot was not on target but it was impressive. 

There was more scoring to bring us up to 5 and 0 but a goal was scored against us after a questionable call. The ref missed an offsides call...mainly because Devin did not raise his had to flag it. We all think if he would have called his own it would have been offsides. 

This is not to suggest the reffing was bad. He was good and consistent even after he gave New Jason a yellow card for retaliation. In Jason's defense he was just doing the same thing that was done to him a few plays earlier. 

Cam got us to six and one, with what I think was a tap in but at this point we were winning handily and no one was paying that close of attention. 

Not even our goalie. Justin got chipped only moments after one of the other players said, “If he keeps playing off his line like that, I'm going to chip him." He called it and it happened. Other than that Justin did well. Yet I think he was the first to notice the field was getting a bit damp and almost miss judged a shot that skipped right in front of him but he made a solid awkward save.

I know I am missing a goal here someplace so if you want to take credit for it go ahead. 

Adam was on the receiving end of a cross but he did not head the ball. The ball headed him. He was later quoted as saying "I had no idea where the ball was and than it hit me in the head."  

Other points of interest, Kurt was Hungry after the game and pointed that out two or three before leaving. 

Sunny wants to give the Traveling Scientist MVP of the gave....something about running a lot. (Maybe a goal) 

New Nick had the shortest shift of the game, but he ran a lot while on the field.

Kent was not present and did not start. 

Brian missed a penalty. But there were no penalties in this game. 

And if you hear Sunny tell it, he sored two goals. We will not hear the last of this from Sunny. 

First Sunday Dune Pumas game of the Fall. 9/25

It was another good win. The corrected score, according to Sunny, was 8 to 4.

Tator did not play this week, but he came to coach, run subs and text play by play to Kent. At one point he looked up from his phone after checking out how his fantasy football team was doing and said, I should really be paying more attention to this game. Those are the words of a really dedicated coach.

Justin had a great first half in goal, but got distracted while trying to recruit a few U-14 girls playing soccer on the field behind him. This led to the first goal against us in the game.

The first goal was a rocket, upper right corner, by Cam. That set the pace for the reset of the first half. 

Two penalties were awarded to the Dune Pumas. Billy missed the first according to Sunny. According to Sunny, Billy missed, Brian missed and Adam missed the same penalty Sunny took and MISSED. It was on frame, but right at the keeper. This leaves Sunny with ZERO goals on the day.

Brian on the other hand scored two penalties on the same penalty. He was so excited to shoot that he scored the first one before the ref was ready. The first one was well placed and right into the side netting. The second and the one that counted was right next to the keeper, who got a hand on it, but it still went in. That gave Brain four goals on the day, but only three counted. 

Tall Andy had at least one goal on the day and in the second half he had a great opportunity to score another. He hit the post with the first shot, it came back to him and he hit a defender on the second shot and the third shot missed the mark as well. 

Old Nick (AKA Shirtless Nick) stoled a goal from Gill. Gill did all the work and the ball was heading into the far side of the net when Nick slid in and pushed it over the line.

El Presidente had what he thinks was the make or break play of the game. He had a great pass through the middle to New Nick who tucked it into the side netting around the keeper.

New Nick might be the new Rabah. Maybe little Rabah. It is to early to tell.

In the second half Andy took a break from the field and played some of the second half in the goal. He did his best to help the Dune Pumas lose the game, letting in 3 goals. The first of which was punted right to the top of the goal box, to a player on the other team and was chipped. He blames Kurt for not saving it off the goal line. Kurt was so close and he had done it in the past, but he failed when Andy needed him most. Andy did have two good saves in the game, but still let three goals in.

A new drink was invented, but not created. The Redneck Mimosa. Who would not want orange juice and Miller Lite?  At some point after the game Billy took a phone call and said, "I have no Balls." 

Kent was MIA in today's game. 

Sept 15th Game recap

The fall season has started for the Dune Pumas and it was a great win.  Even after a month layoff we continued playing good soccer. 3-1 win and we haven't beat that team in 3 or 4 games. 

Our first goal was an own goal but the tall Andy takes credit for it since he was the last one on our team to touch it. He later went out of the game with a minor injury 

Shortly after that the OG Andy had two hand balls in our own box, in the same play, within seconds of each other. There was no penalty called. Even though the second one was well over his head. 

Sunny only saw one bad pass from OG Andy. 

Adam missed a penalty shot after he got fowled maybe in the box. He decided the best thing to do was shoot it right up the middle into the keepers hands. I give him some credit in this since the keeper keeps moving so it can be hard to hit a moving target. 

New Joe did a bicycle kick in our own box. He made good contact and there was good form.  The ball was cleared about 13 yards right to the top of the box.

The go-ahead goal was scored by Tator. He tucked it in  centimeters between the goals glove and the post. We had a great view of it from the bench. 

The 3rd goal was even nicer. Tator while already in the box passed the ball ... Passed the ball ... Not shoot the ball he passed it to New Jason. Who hit it in with a nice pass in past the keeper. 

After Otto megged Luis in the game he put his finger to his lips as if to silence the crowd and then said "just rubbing salt in the wound." Fuck Luis. 

After the game we got or free beer and when we tried to by more in the form of pitchers New Jason was told no and came back to the table with only two Modelo cans. One was given to Sunny and New Jason said he licked it and now his  testicle juice was on it and Sunny was drinking it. 

Awards were given 

Weekly recap: We Made the Playoffs

Credit where credit is due.  Sunny got both goals in a 2-2 tie. Kent got zero and bailed out with vaginitis at the 60 minute mark 

On to more important things 

Andy “the caterer” Matola outdid himself. Grassy ass

Brian feed  the pussy and come back

Optmimized x simpler times = chaos

Dwi is not an std (Billy please clarify)

Escanacan ( Billy please clarify)

Couch guy was Sunny's nickname in college because his roommate got laid all the time so sunny had to sleep on the couch 

Great session and great news.  Dune pumas made the playoffs. Game will be next Friday.  Time and location to follow 

Sponsored by Optimator and Simpler Times

Highlights from behind the goal. We had a lot of goals and he had a lot of saves.  

Nick @ 820 shot the ball right into the keepers face