Birth of Earth

In the beginning, there was nothing. Actually, it would be more accurate to say, in the beginning, there was nothing except a small office space tucked away into the corner of our solar system. You might think a god would have a large throne room or a glossy, white void to do their work in. Ours prefers the simplicity of a small, beige-painted cube with two desks, a coffee machine, and the world's first ever "Hang In There" poster. In this humble abode, everything you have ever known was conceived in some fashion or another. The simplest of molehills and your own sense of free will, started here. However, before we get into the creation of human consciousness, we should start at the very beginning. This isn't a Christopher Nolan film after all.

This is how the Earth came to be.

Our god, whose true name is a bit of a tongue twister and will therefore be referred to as Charles henceforth, stumbled into his new office with a typewriter in one arm and a potted plant in the other. Charles was followed by his new assistant, who, for the sake of brevity, we will call Maximillianatticusebastian. Maximillianatticusebastian carried all the other writing and office supplies into the office.

Charles placed his typewriter on the larger of the two desks. He sat down and promptly began to type.

"Once upon a time," Charles spoke the words as he typed them. Charles had told Maximillianatticusebastian that he did this to include him in the process. Truthfully, Charles couldn't write without speaking aloud. It was an interesting habit. As Charles typed, Maximillianatticusebastian spilled his heavy load onto his desk and interrupted Charles.

"Uh, sir. What is this time thing?" Maximillianatticusebastian asked.

"I'm glad you asked. It's a way for my creations and me to measure their existence," replied Charles.

And thus, the concept of time began.

Charles continued typing. "...a large, flat mass existed." Outside the office window, a large, flat mass began existing.

"Hmmm," Maximillianatticusebastian piped up. "Didn't ************ already do a flat disc, sir?"

"You're right," Charles replied, dejectedly. "Let's try something different."

Charles pulled the paper in his typewriter back to the left. He typed the word spherical over the word flat. The word flat magically disappeared as he did so. Outside the office, the disc expanded into a large, ball. A featureless, grey, spherical mass now floated in space.

"A bit bland isn't it, Maximillianatticusebastian?"

"Yes, sir. Quite bland," Maximillianatticusebastian replied as he hung Charles's poster on the wall.

"Then, the Earth... " Charles typed. "I'm calling it Earth, Maximillianatticusebastian. After my mother," Charles exclaimed to his assistant.

"Sounds great, sir."

"....shook violently. It shook faster and harder until its center collapsed under the torment. The Earth's core was now impossibly hot and liquified," Charles continued typing. "The surface of the Earth bubbled. Some of it sank into itself. Some of it rose from the pressure." So, it happened. Outside, the Earth shook and bubbled. The surface became disfigured with deep pits and tall, pointed spires. The parts in between these grand disfigurements varied in texture. Some lay flat and untouched. Others were covered in bumps and pits of varying sizes. On one flatter section, a very, very deep and long pit formed. It was quite grand.

"Should you maybe fill those large pits with something, sir?" Maximillianatticusebastian asked his boss.

"Of course! I knew I was brilliant for hiring you!" Charles continued typing.

"Suddenly, large, poofy masses surrounded the Earth. From them, a blue fluid fell and filled the pits of Earth," wrote Charles.

So, it happened. Clouds engulfed the sphere outside. In fact, the Earth was no longer visible to Charles or his assistant. From the clouds, rain fell and filled the oceans, lakes and rivers. The mountains, being so far from the warm center of Earth, were topped with frozen rain.

"Oh! I can't see anything! Did it work?" Charles said as he pressed his face to the window.

"I'll fix it," replied Maximillianatticusebastian.

Maximillianatticusebastian walked over to the typewriter and typed that a powerful, invisible force rushed around the sphere. It pushed the clouds into smaller packs and circulated them around.

When this happened, Charles could now see his creation. The previously featureless, gray sphere was now a jagged blue and gray mass. It was beautiful.

And thus, the Earth, with its mountains, oceans and sky were created.

"Great job, Maximillianatticusebastian! But from now on let's leave the writing to me. It is my job after all," said Charles.

Maximillianatticusebastian rolled his eyes before turning to smile at Charles. "Of course, sir." Maximillianatticusebastian walked to his desk and began organizing a few reference papers.

"Now, what else should we put on this thing?" Charles asked nobody in particular.

Charles sat down at his typewriter. Maximillianatticusebastian walked over to him and handed him a sheet of paper. The paper was titled, "Flora and Fauna". Beneath the title, a single bullet point read, "What is it?"

"Of course!" Charles yelled excitedly as he began furiously typing.

Image Attribution: Sphere - Monochrome Simple Darkdadaah / CC BY-SA (Creative Commons License) Link