Off to a Rocky Start

Jan 17

By Sabra Riddle

Psalm 139:15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth

My parents were not married when my mom got pregnant with me. As a matter of fact, they were not even really fully together at the time. My mother was a Christian since childhood, and generally tried to do the right thing. She was really smart, and actually graduated a year early, but she didn’t really get to experience much life outside of small towns and when she was 18 rather than chasing after God, she was hopping around the west coast like driftwood sort of trying to find herself and have fun. This was how she ended up meeting my dad, who was 6 years older, and not a believer then.  After around 3 years together, my parents were sort of split up. My Dad had gotten involved with another woman, but things weren’t exactly working out with her. He was sort of torn between her and my mom. It was during this time that my mother discovered the pregnancy and of course wanted to keep me. The other woman had also become pregnant, but unfortunately chose to have an abortion. Despite the fact that my beginnings were less than ideal, I am grateful and fortunate that my mother chose life for me.  Having me finally settled the driftwood on the shoreline and my mother put her relationship with God back front and center.

When I was born, I was very sick. My mom had a dry birth that resulted in me contracting a blood infection. They said it was 50/50. I was a fighter though, and apparently very strong. The doctors and nurses were amazed that I was actually pushing myself up on my arms and lifting my head as a newborn, and a sick one at that. The name that was chosen, Sabra, means “prickly pear.” I hated my name growing up, but it seems to fit me. The prickly pear is a beautiful cactus with flowers and fruit. The interpretation or adage is that Sabra is “tough on the outside, but sweet on the inside”. I, like the cactus, have had the prickly exterior to protect me from the extremely sensitive interior. Those prickles were needed growing up in my house, and although I have tried to find a way to soften the outside and strengthen the inside, I still think I will always be a prickly pear.

I think about the circumstances of my beginnings a lot more now that I am older. My Dad didn’t want the other woman to have the abortion and her decision was the catalyst that drove my father back to my mother and the two of them got married. I wonder what would have happened had she chosen to keep her baby.  I wonder what it would have been like to have a half brother or sister the same age as me, or if I even would have met them. I wonder if my parents would have ended up together, if I would have ever met my dad, or if I would have my younger brother today.  What would my life have been like if my parents hadn’t ended up together? Would the life circumstances have been different enough to change the course of my life to the point where I had never met my husband and never had my children?  Would my father have died at a much younger age due to his alcoholism? Would he have had the prayer intercessors in his life that I believe ultimately led to him knowing the Lord? All of these questions whether the answers are pleasing or upsetting are undoubtedly pointless to ask, because the circumstances were what they were, and our lives took the journeys that they took. Every single encounter and decision a person makes creates a line that spins together the webs of our stories. For better or worse, you can’t change who your parents are, or how you started your life and whatever your story may be, God was not surprised by any of it. He formed His plan for your life, and the lives of your family, and your future friends and offspring with your beginnings in mind and He is the true author of your story. God knows how to get you to where He wants you to be.