When a guy pulls away, he may stop responding as quickly, fail to follow through on plans, or just not talk to you at all.
Whatever the reason is, you’re probably left wondering what’s going on. Are they busy?
You can watch his unique video here.
Pulling away can happen for a number of reasons. One day you think everything is great, and the next, you’re lost.
Maybe you’re overreacting to it, or maybe they really are just trying to get away from you.
But the real question is…Why do they do it? Here are 18 common reasons why a man may be pulling away from you.
How you feel about it: This is the best relationship you’ve ever had in your life. You’re feeling levels of love and companionship that you’ve never experienced before, and you love every minute of it.
Sure, it might not always be the best – there are fights and arguments like in all relationships – but you just know that you’ve finally found “the real thing” and you want to do everything you can to hold onto it.
How he feels about it: He might be feeling the exact same thing: this is the best relationship he’s ever had in his life, and for the first time ever he’s finally found a partner who is willing to give him the unconditional love that he knows he deserves.
But though he is in love, he is pulling away because he’s afraid. These new feelings are essentially that – new, and he doesn’t know how to deal with them.
Most men need the feeling that they’re in control, minimizing the amount of surprise or unknown factors in their life.
The further your relationship grows and evolves into uncharted territory, the more terrifying the feelings attached to it become.
So he tries to ease away because even if he loves you as much as you love him, the reality of that love isn’t something he is sure he wants to handle.
He needs time to understand what this is and whether he’s really ready for these changes and this commitment.
How to fix it or help him: Ask him what’s going on and give him the time to adjust. If he needs to take it slow, then decide if you are willing to wait for him to adjust and get used to this new chapter in his life.
Hold his hand through the process and show him you aren’t going to leave or abandon him, or that the “good vibes” aren’t just a temporary thing.
Guide him into being the type of partner he knows he wants to be but is afraid to try being, because he’s never done it before.
How you feel about it: As a woman, you’ve been taught that guys need to work for it. You’re emotionally invested in this man but you’re worried that being too open about your feelings will cause him to take you for granted.
You can watch his unique video here.
Instead of showing him how you really feel, you make it a point to show him that he doesn’t have you on the hook: messages answered late, calls rarely returned, invites turned down or rarely accepted.
How he feels about it: You’ve done too much of a good job pretending you don’t like this guy to the point that he actually believes it.
He’s pulling away because he’s convinced you’re simply uninterested in him, and that all further efforts will be stonewalled.
For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”. And feeling unessential is a common trigger for pulling away.
Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!
This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
How to fix it or help him: How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?
You can watch his unique video here.
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
You can watch his unique video here.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
3) He’s prioritizing his identity
How you feel about it: You’re constantly doing things together and you’re excited about sharing your interests with him.
You invited him to activities you used to do before he came into your life, and even tried to find new things to do together as a couple.
You also invite yourself to things that are close to him because you want him to know that you support his hobbies and are open to new experiences.
As his girlfriend, you attend games and even spend nights with his guy friends, basically making your presence felt in creating an open, supportive relationship.
How he feels about it: It’s not that he doesn’t like spending time with you, it’s just that your boyfriend might be feeling like he’s losing a part of himself in the relationship.
Males are primarily territorial and they will guard their mental and physical spaces with their lives.
Think of it from his point of view, before you came into his life, he had a schedule that he stuck with.
He had hobbies he did and enjoyed on his own, and friends to catch up and hang out with. If he’s pulling away, it’s because he’s worried that he’ll lose what makes him him.
Pulling away to preserve his identity isn’t about not liking what you’re bringing into his life.
He just values who he is as a person and wants to set up healthy boundaries moving forward into the relationship.
How to fix it or help him: Give him the space to invite you. If your partner is an introvert, there’s a high chance he simply prefers to enjoy things in solitude so don’t take it personally.
Otherwise, take comfort in knowing that he’s just adjusting to having you in his life, and having someone to share his life to.
You can reassure him that spending more time together or engaging in new activities isn’t going to change who you are.
He needs to know that his partner not only respects who he is, but that you also have a strong sense of self and are mindful in preserving your identities in the relationship.
Also, try and determine if the withdrawal is temporary or permanent.
Is it a reaction to something you did or a slow burn culminating into something more serious? Some guys only withdraw temporarily to recharge themselves.
If you see that he just pulls away as a way of staying in touch with himself, then there’s no reason to worry.
4) What would a relationship coach say?
While this article explores the most common reasons why men pull away, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like being with a man who struggles to commit. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to Relationship Hero a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. Click here to get started.
How you feel about it: One day you’re texting, the next you’re sleeping over four weekdays in a row.
Your relationship went from zero to sixty in just a couple of weeks. It’s exciting because you feel like you finally found a guy that checks all of your boxes.
Despite everything going well, you’re finding your man pulling away from you. It feels a little like the rug has been pulled from under your feet, and now you’re not entirely sure where this relationship is headed.
How he feels about it: This isn’t about you at all. It’s more likely about the speed and intensity at which this relationship progressed.
As a guy, he’s hyper-aware of the relationship’s pace since women tend to develop certain expectations in a relationship, and maybe he’s not ready or willing to meet those expectations yet.
Your partner just wants to make sure they are met or that certain lines aren’t crossed prematurely.
Pulling away from you doesn’t mean he wants to break up. If he genuinely enjoys his time, he might be worried that moving at this pace before either of you are ready will create problems in the future.
Pulling away is his way of saying, “hey, maybe we should take things slow.”
Alternatively, he may also be pulling away because he’s just not ready to commit too fast, too soon.
This doesn’t mean that it’s game over and that the relationship is doomed to fail. He just wants to step back and reevaluate the relationship.
How to fix it or help him: Let him know that you’re aware of what he’s feeling. Talk about setting boundaries and what you’re expecting moving forward.
Chances are you haven’t had a clear discussion on where this relationship is headed, and he’s not sure how to navigate your feelings.
By putting your cards on the table, both of you can understand what the other person is really feeling about the relationship, and can decide on whether or not this is something you mutually want.
6) He just really isn’t into you
How you feel about it: The relationship started along perfectly. Butterflies were aflutter and it felt like every minute was a scene out of a movie.
But now that the honeymoon phase is over, you’re realizing that your boyfriend is spending less and less time with you.
There are signs that reveal a guy isn’t interested in you anymore.
Less dates, infrequent chatting, and unprecedented aloofness makes you second guess your position in the relationship.
You’re starting to feel like there’s something you could have done differently at some point to prevent this from happening.
How he feels about it: Men are not the best in communicating their emotions, which can unfortunately come at your expense.
This is one of the most common reasons why new relationships fail: because guys simply realize they’re not as interested in you as they thought they were.
Rather than telling you what they feel, most guys simply back away hoping you’ll get the message.