WTT classifieds

I've driven my rig through every state in our great nation (every state except Vermont. They know what they did!) I'm looking for a new direction after I lost my truck in a twisted Japanese game show, so whatever you're doing, let's do that.

I don't play games. I want a lady who can stand on her own two feet, think critically, and stay up late reading Ayn Rand with me. Then, the next morning we'll chat about the merits of objectivism over a sizzling plate of fajitas.

I've been in this 'biz for 32 years! Nothing gets past me. Jaywalkers? Loiterers? Troublemakers? They're good as caught. The only thing I can't seem to spot is the right lad or lady for me. Will you be this old cop's forever donut?

I'm following my dream of becoming a dermatologist! So far things have been great, except for the fact that my skin cells refuse get along. They're currently pulling that cheesy sitcom "draw a line down the center of the house" bit.

Can anybody out there help me beat world 4-1 of Super Mario Brothers? There's this guy on a cloud that keeps dropping spiky dudes on me, and I've been stuck on on this level for over a week! I'll pay you in pizza if you do.

Yep, that's right. It's me. Trey. You probably didn't expect to see me in this particular publication, and that's for good reason. I need to keep my romantic intentions on the "down low" so to speak. Serious inquiries only. No fanmail.

I'm very passionate about my job. Do you have any idea how many perfectly good red fruits are left out in the cold? I've devoted my life to the cause, but I don't have to do it alone! There's room in my heart for two great passions. D'accord?

Yes, I know what you're thinking, and no, my name is not short for "octopus". I don't know who told you that, but they're wrong and they better cut it out before I get really peeved. I was thinking we'd go go karting and see a movie. Interested?

Don't you just love the feeling of a fine, satisfying, smoke break? It's crazy how tobacco advertisements are banned almost everywhere! Anyhow, I just love the rich, rustic taste of Marlboro Reds. Don't you? I mean, all the cool people do.

I'm an outgoing, likable guy, and I'm up for anything! I'm currently in the hospital after a bike trick went awry. Sure, I broke and fractured a few bones, but I like to look on the bright side: It was a learning experience that got me a great photo!

I'm a quiet man. I work, come home, feed the fish, play some DOTA, go to bed. I can solve crossword puzzles in record time, and I like to steal scrubs from work. So far, I've stitched them together into a yurt in the backyard. Perfect cuddle spot.

Some quick things about me: I'm a Ravenclaw, my patronus is a seahorse, I play beater in Quidditch and I have a mean left hook. I was at the Quidditch World Championships in Boston this year. Gryffindors need not apply.

I need you giving it 110% out there. I don't need to date a champion, I just need somebody with an attitude like one. We can go anywhere but Cracker Barrel. I'm not allowed inside the Cracker Barrel here or the next town over anymore. Long story. Ready to get into the game?

We live on the precipice of the new digital age. I'm ready to disembark on the voyage of the millenium, and I don't wanna do it alone! We can be the virtual Adam and Eve, or Eve and Eve if you're one of those guys that likes to play as girl characters. I'm not here to judge.

I live for the weekend! Hiking, rock climbing, movies, festivals, I'm there. I'm an active member of the online vore community, which might not be for everyone, but is super welcoming if you're interested. VoreCon West is coming up. Wanna be my plus one?

We're looking for a supportive, long-term partner to build a life with. This would NOT be a polyamorous relationship, as legally we're one person. We have two great dogs, and we make sure to take an trip overseas at least every other year.

Most people have no idea what happens behind the camera. I do. I know what you're wondering, and yes, I have met Bazinga Man! I can guarantee you access to the Warner backlot lost and found, and a backstage tour of the Ellen Show.

I'm a guy trying to live his best life in this crazy world. I'm actually from the 1980s, but I got struck by lightning and ended up here. After many attempts, I've given up trying to go back, and now I'm really into Westworld. I'd love to swap theories!

In my business, it's kill or be killed. You watch your back and you trust nobody. I need somebody who gets that, and is willing to fork over collateral so I know they're legit. Call or email, but if you get a picture that's a .exe file, do NOT open it!

I like walks in the moonlight, Japanese food, and discussing Gnosticism. Did you know that gnostics were persecuted by Christians for centuries? Or that the physical world is technically the "dark" world? I'm also really into ska music.

If I'm not in the court, I'm on the court playing some b-ball, and if I'm not on the court, I'm exploring the briney deep! Certified since '99, though I've only found sunken treasure twice. But diving is more about the experience, you know?

I'm just a regular guy looking for love. My last girlfriend said I was too boring and my last boyfriend agreed with her. Apparently, they're both dating now, so I truly have a way with bringing people together. No reptiles.

Hey, I'm Anne. I like walking under an umbrella in the rain, bad action movies, and I play club tennis. I'm looking for someone that has a sense of humor, is also looking for something long-term, and can help me win my head back.

If you're looking for a regular girl that cooks chicken curry and watches Netflix, I am NOT for you. I live on the edge. I don't stop for yellow lights, I pet every dog I see, and I never recycle. If you don't like that, then I'm just not for you. Whatever.

My dream date? Pizza, chinese food, season 4 of Family Guy, and those chocolate lava cakes from Domino's. You ever bite into one and suck the chocolate filling out like some sort of sexy Count Chocula? I have. It's amazing.

I have a very particular set of skills. If something needs to get from point A to point B, and there's a road involved, I'm your guy. My car is a big part of my life, and if you want to be in it, you better be cool with being in my car. AM radio only.

Starla, if you can read this, you did this to me and I want you to know I don't need you. I can cook my own pasta and drive a forklift. You missed out on the best man you could have had! I'm keeping the plates and the Nintendo.

How do you get a bod like this? You work for it. I also eat Panda Express at least 4 times a week. I won their golden fortune contest back in '09 and I've been reaping the benefits ever since. You know you want some. Why resist? Call me. ;)

I calls things like I sees things. You do something I don't like? Bam! I call ya. You do something I do like? Wham! I call ya. Communication is important and if you don't agree, I'll call ya on it! Pow! Men only, (sorry ladies).

I'm a pretty wild guy. I never look before I flush, and I never look back. I'm currently RipStik-ing across the continental United States. I've already reached Maryland and I'm just getting started. Think you can keep up?