table discussion tips

If you have a table of more reluctant ladies, start by being vulnerable yourself.  Your example will encourage other women to open up and be willing to share.

Give wait time and be comfortable with some silence.

Don't be discouraged or take it personally if someone does not share.  

Sample verbal cues to encourage reluctant women to share...

• "No one will be forced to share today, but I would love to get to know each of you."

• "You are all valuable to the Lord and worth being known and heard."

• "It is important to not use anything said at our table as a place for gossip.  This is a safe place to share.  Anything you say will be respected and will not be shared without your permission."

• "Some of us need more time than others to think about what we want to share.  Some moments of silence are ok as we want anyone who wants to share to feel they have the space to do so."

Sample verbal cues to START the discussion time (and set the expectation):

• "We have a limited amount of time, so let's make sure that everyone who wants to share has time to do so."

• "We may have some moments of silence, and that is ok!  Some ladies need more time than others to think about what they want to say.  So let's give those ladies space to think and share."

• "It's hard to hold back at times, but let's make sure we leave time and space for everyone at the table to share (who wants to)."

You may have to lovingly interject/interrupt if some is sharing a lengthy or off-topic story.  Here are some sample verbal cues you may want to use:

• "Thank you so much for sharing that with us.  It sounds like you have been through a lot. (adjust as necessary to personalize)  Is there anyone else that can identify with that situation?"

• "I appreciate how vulnerable you are being with us.  Let's pray about that together right now." (Then use the prayer to naturally transition to another table member.)

• "Thank you for sharing.  I'd love to hear more, but we still have a few others that need to share.  Can I talk more about this with you afterwards?"

Point to God and His attributes.  Start with the bigness of God and the problem will shrink to the proper proportion.

Remind that Christ is where our hope lies and that He is our source of strength.  We are more than conquerors in Him.  (Romans 8:37)

Encourage with Scripture.  Point to passages shared during the event, or ask to follow up and share passages that are applicable to her situation.

Stop and pray as a table. (See "During" prayer prompts for the ABCs of praying with someone.)

If someone brings up a difficult relationship, ensure that discussion does not start to go into gossip about the other person in the relationship.  No names should ever be shared or situations that would make their identity obvious.

Sample verbal encouragement:

• "Tragedy brings us to the foot of the cross.  God wants us to draw near to Him and depend on Him in difficult times."

• "Prayer is so powerful.  I will be lifting you up in prayer.  Can I follow up with you about this?"

• "God never promises we won't have troubles, but He always promises to be with us."

• "Is there anything you have been learning through this situation?  Have you felt God's presence or peace in any way throughout this difficult time?"

Love, love, love!  (John 13:35)

Stay away from "Christianese" language (verbiage used primarily or only in Christian settings).  If others use that kind of language, casually "translate" by repeating what was said in more commonly known verbiage.

Invite to future services/events if not currently attending Westgate

Ask to follow-up with her regarding anything that was shared at your table that day

If you know that she said "yes to Jesus" at the event, share with someone on the women's steering team.

Note: This may include gossip, initiating divisive discussions, or demeaning other people or people groups (including different denominations, religions, cultures, socioeconomic statuses, political parties, etc.).  

Please discourage any "us versus them" language as there will likely be women from diverse backgrounds at your table.

Sample verbal cues for divisive topics:

• "For the sake of unity, let's shift away from this topic and get back to talking about _____________."

• "We are starting to get into some debatable topics that everyone might not agree on.  Let's shift back to the question you were answering." (repeat question)

• "We may all have some differing opinions on that topic.  But, I'd love to hear more about...(refer back to a detail the person was sharing about)." 

• "I'm thankful we have Christ in common even though we may not agree on every little thing.  Is there anyone else that would like to answer one of our discussion questions?"

Sample verbal cues for potential gossip:

• "Let's make sure we are keeping discussion limited to our own stories and not someone else's story."

• "We want to make sure to respect those who are not present at our table."

• "We want to be careful not to veer into gossip here, so let's focus on how God is growing or teaching you through this particular situation."