Unhappiness Itself is Not the Problem
Unhappiness itself is natural and often passes without any effort on our part to do anything about it. Yet we feel we must do something about it, and, ironically, that need to do something can actually make it worse. There are 3 stages of unhappiness:
1. We feel unhappy.
2. This unhappiness brings up more negative thinking.
3. We try to get rid of it but actually make it worse.
The Echoes of the Past
A. Activity: Think back to a time you felt down. Which words describe how you felt?
Dejected
Inadequate
Sad
Depressed
Low
Unlovable
Unhappy
A loser
B. Notice that some of these are descriptions of feelings while others are descriptions of a person?
Studies have shown that if a person has ever been previously seriously depressed, they are more likely to feel bad about themselves when they start to feel low than people who have never been depressed (thinking in terms of these negative descriptions of themselves, not just the feelings). This is because your mind is taken over by negative thinking and links between this negative thinking and a depressed mood are then made. Any time a sad mood arises, you are more likely to think negatively, making you feel even worse, and creating a cycle of depression.
In addition, when you are depressed, you are much more likely to focus on memories of loss or rejection as well, which in turn, makes you feel more depressed. Other emotions can also color our experiences, sometimes subconsciously. For instance, feelings of frustration and irritation can make us quick to blame others, creating more frustration. If we are stressed, these feelings may reawaken feelings of being overwhelmed, causing us to feel more stress. Once we understand these cycles, however, we can break out of these cycles by
Recognizing them
Disengaging from them
Refocusing our attention
How Trying to Dig Your Way Out of Trouble Can End Up Digging You in Deeper
If you’ve ever felt bad, you will understand the urge to get rid of your bad mood to try and prevent things from getting worse. The mind is trying to rid unhappiness by thinking its way out of the problem.
Think - when you’ve felt bad, have your thoughts ever been, “What’s wrong with me that I feel like this?,” Or, “What’s going to happen to me if I keep feeling this way?”
We feel compelled to think about these things even though there’s no answer. In fact, ruminating just makes us feel worse and the lack of answers makes us more frustrated. And focusing on our weaknesses or dredging up old memories to try to figure out where we went wrong just ends up making us feel worse and can make us anticipate problems in the future. Thinking this way just prolongs our suffering.
Why Do We Get Locked in a Struggle We Can’t Win?
Rumination can be very difficult - launching us from a sad mood into a depression. So why do we do it?
Usually, to solve a problem, the mind works predictably. For instance, you need to run an errand on the way home, but you find yourself driving past the store without noticing. You think back to what you should have done. You think forward to what’s the next step; what you should do. This is the “doing mode” of the mind. It helps us get things done.
In order to work, the doing mind must hold in mind and compare 3 things:
1. Where you are at each moment (current state),
2. Where you want to be (your destination or goal), and
3. Where you don’t want to be (non-destination or outcome to avoid).
By doing this, the mind can compare where you are with where you want to be in order to “steer” the mind and body in the right direction.
This “doing mode” is characterized by being
Automatic
Holding thoughts and ideas in your mind while you work
Dwelling on the past and the future to get you where you want to be
Keeping in mind what you want to avoid
Needing things to be different, focusing on the gap between where you are and where you want to be
Taking thoughts and ideas as real
Continuing to focus on the goal
If Doing is So Useful, What Goes Wrong?
To achieve goals, the doing mind is extremely useful, but when our brain uses the "doing mode" to achieve inner goals, things often go wrong. When we get hold of the thoughts, “I am unhappy” or “I don’t want these horrible feelings to come back,” the doing mind can feel compelled to compare the gap between the person we are & the person we want to be, making you feel worse & increasing that gap.
In addition, while comparing these, the mind will focus on what it wants to avoid, which is feeling worse. This can trigger a fear of feeling worse. In this case, the mind just can’t let go and may feel like we need to get rid of that feeling at all costs. This mode is called “driven-doing,” where we feel we can’t let go of trying to get what we want or get rid of what we don’t want.
Ruminative worrying is an example of this - when this happens the mind is actually redoubling its 'doing mode' efforts, trying to “fix” this pattern of sadness, which can end up backfiring.
READ: A Mindful Guide to Navigating Difficult Emotions (2022)
World-renowned meditation teachers share why meeting difficult emotions with awareness and self-compassion can be so transformational.
So what can we do?
We can learn to recognize ruminative worrying and driven-doing modes.
We can cultivate an alternative form of thinking that can help us respond better to these moments of sadness and unhappiness.
How can you apply the information in the above article, A Mindful Guide to Navigating Difficult Emotions?
Relaxation Practice (3): Muscle Tensing & Relaxing
Watch: Progressive Muscle Relaxation Training w/ Muscle Tensing and Relaxing. (14:55). Or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihO02wUzgkc
This video was designed to help with learning the skill of progressive muscle relaxation which includes progressive muscle tensing and relaxing. This is a technique that builds another level of awareness of muscle tension in your body and allows you to release that tension.
The images in this video illustrate the progression of the movements with the exercises with tensing and releasing the different muscle groups. This type of progressive muscle relaxation can provide an immediate feeling of relaxation. It reduces stress and anxiety in your body by having you slowly tense and then relax (or release) each muscle. With experience, you will become more aware of when you are experiencing tension and the skills to release that tension.
Personal Applications: What do you think will be the effects and benefits of this progressive muscle relaxation practice for you?
Application: Effectiveness of Mindfulness for ADHD and Other Conditions
One primary problem with solely treating ADHD with medications is that the client is not taught the vital skills of how to acknowledge their behaviors, accept them, let go of feelings that were stirred up, and move on (Zylowska, 2012).
Mindfulness aims to help people identify their emotions, observe them as transient emotional states, and react to them in a compassionate manner (Gratz & Tull, 2010).
Given that emotional dysregulation is a core component of a great deal of hardship faced by most individuals with ADHD, best practices should target this problem area (Barkley & Fisher, 2010; Barkley & Murphey, 2010).
Tang and colleagues (2007) demonstrated the efficacy of mindfulness in decreasing anxiety, stress, depression, anger, and inattention among novice meditators after just five days of meditation training.
Neuroimaging studies have indicated that areas of the brain involved in mindfulness and emotion dysregulation in ADHD are overlapping (Barkley, 2010).
Ramsay (2010) specifically noted that many people with ADHD struggle with shame, guilt, frustration, grief, and poor self-esteem due to the chronic difficulties they have because of their poor attention regulation, impulsivity, and hyperactivity.
Common treatments for ADHD (medications and behavioral therapy) target symptom reduction but do not directly address one’s relationship to one’s symptoms (Ramsay, 2010).
These findings support the applicability of mindfulness for people with ADHD because it can support the emotional well-being of a population that typically struggles in this and many related areas.
Nonjudgmental acceptance of self is utilized frequently while engaging in mindfulness. For example, when one catches oneself being distracted and observes this failure to remain focused, the individual may then relinquish any judgments about their “failure” to meditate “well” (Chiesa, Calati, & Serretti, 2011). During mindfulness, one’s intentional awareness of present-moment material is viewed in a non-evaluative manner marked by descriptions and sensations rather than appraisals or ratings (Frank, Jennings, & Greenberg, 2013). One is not attached to any outcomes: good or bad (Napoli, Krech, & Holley, 2005). This attitude has been found to be one helpful mechanism within mindfulness because it promotes emotional acceptance and regulation (Gratz & Tull, 2010).
This ability to nonjudgmentally realize that one is distracted and compassionately redirect one's focus is extremely central to building skills that are much needed in ADHD populations because distractibility is a common challenge. Without compassion, this cycle of noticing one’s “failures” to focus and realigning one’s attention back to the chosen object could be very painful emotionally and would not be a sustainable practice due to the feeling of repeated failure. Thus, mindfulness-based treatments for ADHD are uniquely helpful because they offer improvements in overall quality of life outside of mere executive functioning improvements. Given that psychosocial and quality-of-life improvements are a primary focus of cutting-edge treatments for ADHD, this offers further support for mindfulness as a validated approach (Gjervan & Nordahl, 2010).
Further evidence for the effectiveness of mindfulness-based interventions can be seen in their efficacy with numerous other related mental health concerns. Mindfulness practices have been shown to be very helpful in treating depression (Segal, Williams, & Teasdale, 2002), anxiety (Miller, Fletcher, & Kabat-Zinn, 1995), and substance abuse (Ostafin & Marlatt, 2008) which often co-occur with ADHD (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Recent meta-analyses indicate that mindfulness interventions generally have a medium effect size of about 0.5 in the treatment of mental illness among adult populations (Baer, 2003; Grossman, Niemann, Schmidt, & Walach, 2004). Effect sizes of mindfulness interventions tend to be larger for adult samples than samples of children (van de Weijer-Bergsma et al., 2012) and are medium to large for changes in both emotionality and attention, which are core components of managing ADHD (Sedlmeier et al., 2012).
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: Author.
Baer, R. A. (2003). Mindfulness training as a clinical intervention: A conceptual and empirical review. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10, 125–143.
Barkley, R. A. (2010). Deficient emotional self-regulation is a core component of ADHD. Journal of ADHD and Related Disorders, 1(2), 5-37.
Barkley, R. A., & Fischer, M. (2010). The unique contribution of emotional impulsiveness to impairment in major life activities in hyperactive children as adults. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 49(5), 503-513.
Barkley, R. A., & Murphy, K. R. (2006). Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: A clinical workbook (Vol. 3). New York, NY: Guilford.
Chiesa, A., Calati, R., & Serretti, A. (2011). Does mindfulness training improve cognitive abilities? A systematic review of neuropsychological findings. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(3), 449-464. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.11.003
Frank, J. L., Jennings, P. A., & Greenberg, M. T. (2013). Mindfulness-based interventions in school settings. Research In Human Development, 10(3), 205-210. doi:10.1080/15427609.2013.818480
Gerszberg, C.O. (2022). A Mindful Guide to Navigating Difficult Emotions? Mindful.
Gjervan, B., & Nordahl, H. M. (2010). The Adult ADHD Quality of Life Questionnaire (AAQoL): A new disease-specific measure for the assessment of ADHD. Nordic Psychology, 62(1), 24-36. doi:10.1027/1901-2276/a000003
Gratz, K, & Tull, M. (2010) Emotion regulation as a mechanism of change in acceptance- and mindfulness-based treatments. In K. G. Wilson & R. A. Baer (Eds.), Assessing mindfulness and acceptance processes in clients: Illuminating the theory and practice of change(pp. 107-133). Oakland, CA: Context Press/New Harbinger Publications.
Grossman, P., Niemann, L., Schmidt, S., & Walach, H. (2004). Mindfulness-based stress reduction and health benefits: A meta-analysis. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 57, 35–43.
Miller, J. J., Fletcher, K., & Kabat-Zinn, J. (1995). Three-year follow-up and clinical implications of a mindfulness meditation-based stress reduction intervention in the treatment of anxiety disorders. General Hospital Psychiatry, 17, 192–200.
Napoli, M., Krech, P., & Holley, L. C. (2005). Mindfulness training for elementary school students: The attention academy. Journal of Applied School Psychology, 21(1), 99-125. doi:10.1300/J370v21n01_05
Ostafin, B. D., & Marlatt, G. A. (2008). Surfing the urge: Experiential acceptance moderates the relation between automatic alcohol motivation and hazardous drinking. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 27, 404–418.
Ramsay, J. (2010). Nonmedication treatments for adult ADHD: Evaluating impact on daily functioning and well-being (pp. 91-108). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association. doi:10.1037/12056-005
Sedlmeier, P., Eberth, J., Schwarz, M., Zimmermann, D., Haarig, F., Jaeger, S., & Kunze, S. (2012). The psychological effects of meditation: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 138, 1139-1171. doi:10.1037/a0028168
Segal, Z. V., Williams, J. M. G., & Teasdale, J. D. (2002). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for depression: A new approach to preventing relapse. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Tang, Y., Ma, Y., Wang, J., Fan, Y., Feng, S., Lu, Q., & ... Posner, M. I. (2007). Short-term meditation training improves attention and self-regulation. PNAS Proceedings Of The National Academy Of Sciences Of The United States Of America, 104(43), 17152-17156. doi:10.1073/pnas.0707678104
Teasdale, J., Williams, J, & Segal, Z. (2014). The mindful way workbook: An 8-week program to free yourself from depression and emotional distress. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
van de Weijer-Bergsma, E., Formsma, A. R., Bruin, E. I., & Bögels, S. M. (2012). The effectiveness of mindfulness training on behavioral problems and attentional functioning in adolescents with ADHD. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 21(5), 775-787. doi:10.1007/s10826-011-9531-7
Zylowska, L. (2012). The mindfulness prescription for adult ADHD: An eight-step program for strengthening attention, managing emotions, and achieving your goals. Boston, MA: Trumpeter Books.
Additional Resources with Guided Meditations
Guided Visualization (Brief Video)
Click Relax, Let Go of Stress, Take Care of Yourself (3:21)
Or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXg7SKUG000
Guided visualization for relaxation
Uses imagery to relax and renew
Guided Visualization (Longer Video Before Drifting Off to Sleep)
Click HEAL Guided Sleep Meditation for Healing Body, Mind, & Spirit Before Sleeping With Ease (3 hrs)
Or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCk05rsSugs&ab_channel=JasonStephenson-SleepMeditationMusic
Guided sleep meditation
Holistic healing of the body, mind, and spirit before drifting off to sleep
Calm your mind and improve your sleep
Additional Personal Application: Mindfulness
Suggested sites to search for additional information and articles on Mindfulness
Click Stress Management Presentation (Powerpoint):
types of stress
consequences of stress
balancing helpful and unhelpful stress
self-awareness
assertiveness
organization
wellness
Listen to Podcast: Using READ for Difficult Emotions (31:51)
Diana Winston, Director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA's Mindful Awareness Research Center. She has taught mindfulness since 1999.
Or https://d1cy5zxxhbcbkk.cloudfront.net/hammer-podcast/Hammer032422C.mp3
describes how to be mindful of one’s emotions
RAIN Mindfulness Ex: Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture (w/ awareness & kindness)
Or, Notice, Name, Accept, Investigate (emotional awareness, allowing)