Letters

for a few days but then finally I started going out with boys. And in no time I started double dating and started sharing everything with this new guy. My boyfriend knows nothing of this since a year. When I am at this guy's place and my boyfriend calls, I don't take his call and tell him afterwards that I did not see the call. He does not says anything. He is the most understanding person I have ever seen or maybe he has blind faith on me. I feel sorry for him.

My parents think that I am this susheel girl which I am totally not. I love drinking and love it when boys offer it to me for free. I feel sorry for them too. Sometimes I think that I am so horrible and sometimes I feel that they are so dumb. Why should I take all the blame for it. Everything was fine and going thins way until last month. Since last one month, I have started feeling like a bad person and lately I have started doing some synthetic drugs too. You know LSD. I love it. Then I keep crying. After a while after doing drugs, I see my mumbai bf and I confess to him everything crying and then he tells me its fine. I wish and hope that my bf is also dating someone in Mumbai because I do not want to marry him. He believes me so much. Such a loser. I want to catch him cheating so that I can have a reason to break up with him and blame him. My life is so screwed up!

company and after few days we shared bed and had a good time...

And later on that became very often..

And after sometimes she started irritating me alot and anything i do she has problem with that..

And withing these 2 yrs i tried to get separated with her , she does irritating thing like bend on her keens , bangs her head towards wall , and cries in front to me so i had to unwilling come into a relationship again..

She threatens me that she will die by eating pills and all..

And i get very annoyed by all these activities of her.

Now i wanted to get separated but she isn't allowing me..

I am not able to focus on my studies

I couldn't take up my stand due to age difference..

Can someone help me and suggest a way to get out of this trap

not cleaning the house or the utensils. We have people to do that for us. I am talking about other responsibilities. One such responsibility is to take care of the house. Take interest in remaining in the house. Over time she is either in office or out partying with either her collegues or my son. We still get time to spend with our son but we get no time to spend with our daughter in law. I tried mentioning that to her but with no affect. It only infuriated her and she started yelling. My son got upset too. Me and my husband feel like two watchmen to watch over the house while the kids our away. And after all this, to take nonsense from children is going beyond limit. I want to set things right. Suggestions are most welcome.

my face is so big and round that if it was detachable, he could have played football with the same. I just laugh and pass.

Though it hurts me a big time but these are the people I can count on in need. I cannot be rude to them. The same goes for my friends. The same reason why I take their hurtful comments everyday. My friends keep making comments on me in the college. Like when we get out of the elevator, one of my girl friends said that they have gotten late because the elevator moved slow because of my weight. One geek guy friends says that time goes slow around me since I have more mass so I have more gravity and so I dilate time. I am sorry if the logic is wrong. I myself haven't understood this but I am sure it is a joke on me. These friends are nice people who help me but they make fun of me as well.

I have done a lot of things to get slimmer. I tried going to gym but my irregular schedule of work cause regular missing of gym. I tried skipping rope at home but that didn't happen either. I just don't get the motivation or energy to do it. I tried yoga too but again because of schedule, I have not been able to keep pace with it. I only eat salads nowadays and starve myself. This has made feel dizzy and energy-less all the time and I am not sure if anything is happening. I feel so low and depressed that there is no one who loves me and I doubt if there will ever be anyone who will love me.

bit. I don't understand how people solve maths in 12th. It is so complicated.

I have tried my best but I am not able to attempt more than 20% of the questions in any test. I have tried a lot. This has started haunting me. I feel depressed and shameful on securing such low marks while my peers who used to stand no where in front on me till 10th have suddenly out-performed me. This droops my head in shame.

The second problem is my girlfriend. She has been the love of my life since class 8 and we have been sure of each other since then. I know that this sounds utterly stupid but it is true. Lately she has started telling me that if I dont crack this stupid JEE exam, she is going to leave me. I felt horrible and scared. It added to my depression but seeing me sad she told me that she said that so that I focus more on studies and do well. I am still in doubt if that is the truth. She has started fighting with me and at times tell me that I have become a loser. I am no more a topper she could flaunt off infront of her friends. She should move on with someone better.

I want to perform well both for my parents and her but I am not able to no matter how hard I have been trying. Everyday, I have started losing out on sleep, feeling shameful and trying to think what can I possibly do to not to fail my parents or my girfriend 😔