Don't mean to be mean

You tell me I'm important and then you ignore me

You tell me I matter but act like I don't 

You tell me IÄm worth something and then you treat me like dirt 

You're telling me fairy tales of what our love could be yeah

We grew together, two lovers as one 

the perfect team but now the connection is gone 

I feel like you left me in the back of your mind 

you always say you're sorry but how you treat me isn't right

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you are right now

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you're hurting me 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you make me wanna scream 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but that's how it seems 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you are right now

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you are right now

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you're hurting me 

You say that I'm the only one while talking to someone 

You don't even look me in my eyes anymore

You say that you are busy and that's why you don't have time 

but we both know this is your favorite lie

My friends say that you are no good for me yeah 

but they don't know the feelings I have when you are with me

It hurts me so much that you don't know what you do to me 

but I think that you don't know that you are hurting me yeah

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you are right now

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you're hurting me 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you make me wanna scream 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but that's how it seems 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you are right now

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you are right now

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you're hurting me 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but that's how it see -e -ems

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you make me wanna scream 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but that's how it seems 

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you are right now

Yeah I know yo don't mean to be but you're hurting me

"Don't mean to be mean" habe ich über einen Freund geschrieben, welchen ich kennen gelernt hatte und anfing mehr und mehr zu mögen. Anfangs ging ich noch davon aus, dass er ebenfalls mehr von mir wollte, da er entsprechende Andeutungen machte, jedoch stellte sich heraus, dass das nicht der Fall war. 

Ich war somit gefangen im Zwiespalt zwischen seinen Aussagen und seinem Handeln, da das was er machte nicht zu dem passte, was er mit gegenüber äußerte. Innerlich verletzte mich das sehr. Die Textphrase "Don't mean to be mean" habe ich im Song "Waving Goodbye" meiner Lieblingssängerin SIA gehört. Er passte direkt zu dem, was ich ihm gegenüber empfand. Dieser Song handelt ebenfalls vom Gegensatz - allerdings zwischen Verlangen nach jemandem und dem Fakt, dass es nicht der richtige ist. 

Ich nahm also die Phrase, die mich berührte, und schrieb einen Eigenen Song, welcher meinen Konflikt darstellte: Zwischen dem mich verletzenden Verhalten und dem Wissen, dass es nie seine Absicht war, mich zu verletzen. 

Bis heute wünsche ich mir, dass daraus mehr hätte werden können, aber was nicht ist, dass kann noch werden und was nicht wird, dass soll wohl einfach nicht sein.