Sitting in the room, 

at a desk,

in a room, 

in a room,

          with other people in many rooms. 

          Feeling tired, Feeling tired, Feeling tired 

whilst in this room,

wanna go back 

wanna go back to my room,     

we,

need to find room to breathe.

I feel there’s no room, where is my room? 

A little corner of safety, this is for safety, sound is safety for me, feeling little crushed not brutalised , am I really what I think I am?, probably not, its only inklings, messages I believe are from places deeper calling me back, to the root, to the source.

I hear them and I don’t , I see them in my actions: the good, conniving, confused, loving, space of being, words can never describe nor hold. how do I hold myself here, how do I push into my aliveness whilst here, how do I hear the frequency I care about, remove fear seems ideological, do it with fear seems exhausting, quitting seems close but I can’t, I wanna spread and share, 

My whole life I have been begging myself to just, to just not be as vibrant as I am but also struggling with faltering vibrancy when there is a whole life to live and surely living it is what must be tried, otherwise why? 

what makes you feel alive? what does it feel like?
attend to your body in each situation and notice how it reacts to each situation, space and experience. I think we need to focus on the body, not only from a chemical view but a energetic view. The atoms that we are made of are 99,99% space, space that we consider empty but must be charged with ever-changing and ever-moving energy.  How do we relate to, connect with and feel that energy? How does it guide us and how can we activate it to guide us where we want to go? the answer must be different for everybody. in one way or the other. 

i don't know what to feel

it's as if i'm there 

i'm here 

looking in from out 

it's not a hazy dream 

it's more real 

how i had no reaction, no flinch,

how i didn't see it that way 

my eyes are stretched deeper 

as though they look into themselves 

quick quick 

it passes but stays 

you're the continuation in this memory 

trust it, see it for what it is,

what the eye has seen 

feel the body's experience 

ah shit i didn't know that left me feeling that 

i grunt my throat in awed disbelief

how could i have not seen it that way?

it's like you're in between 

being slammed by the walls of memory 

breaking through the walls to reach memory 

i almost wanna memorise it this way 

not the ways i've always believed it 

it's crazy how you could be sitting, reading wanting to rest, listening to the hadedas and then.....

 time flips by 

and then you flip by, flung 

thrown, land,     

  you land  

deep-dipped into the obsessiveness of memory 

i'm seeing myself again 

i don't know if it's pretty or true

but it's happening to me

i won't control it, 

i can feel every word that  you wrote and their still present connection to your being 

i feel it and i recognise that bond, it’s a deep one, originating in a deep place, and like you said, sometimes scary one

cause the words are holding onto something that you have been carrying and moving with you 

without maybe realising it’s tremendous growing weight (or that it has any weight at all), and it’s extended branches reaching to other parts of you

then you said “only if the words come back to me”

and my first thought was: they must 

cause 

we as human kind are developing and a huge part of that development is through language 

life as a ruling energy wants us to develop   so life wants language to develop       and words, being one way of languages constructions,  should find new connections and ways of forming 

i think you are you are giving words that chance     so 

i’m sure 

they will come back to you 

spending time listening. moving to your inner groove. and being honest with it. daring to bring the inner world out.