Is He TRULY
in Love with You?

How do men behave when they are in love: The 5 behavioral traits

In this article, I'll give you the answer to the frequently asked question: "How do I know if he is in love with me?" And I describe the 5 signs of how a man in love behaves. These are the most typical signs of being in love that I have observed in my case reports (regardless of the man's personality type) when men are really serious about a woman.

Before we start now:

For the situation that, after a certain period of honest closeness and real familiarity, his enthusiasm has flattened and distanced himself emotionally from you:

(In order to trigger his first tender desire to bond again at a certain pace and rhythm and to let him feel your mutual connection again intensively, you can watch a free video presentation on the topic.

It explains the most powerful signals you can use to grab a man’s attention.)

Dear reader,

More often in relationship coaching, I am asked: “Is he in love with me?” And “How do men in love behave so that you can perhaps tell from certain signals and characteristics that he is serious?"

Before I give you a kind of reliable "Love test" with the 5 quite sure signs of being in love, I would like to say something very important about the use of this test:

If you have been reading my articles for a while, you may have already got a feeling that a really serious, i.e. "irrevocable" relationship desire of a man hardly ever develops in the very first intense phase of euphoria.

So this does NOT happen in this very special, very intense initial period of a relationship, in which a man often speaks enthusiastically about moving in and having children together, he wants to convince you of holidays together that are still far away or expresses his burning wish to you Wanting to marry you.

Such a deep, more "calm" wish, which can no longer be shaken by anything, only begins to really grow and take root in a second phase of the relationship.

This kind of deep, inner certainty only develops after the initial euphoria has subsided.

This genuine, deep desire for a partnership usually arises in a gradual, rather naturally growing form and, above all, almost always through somewhat stronger contradictions in his behavior and through natural inner doubts in the meantime.

(In the special case that you are in an intimate affair with him, read my article Make him Want You)

After the first, familiar, and intense period of enthusiasm, the first “translucent” high potential, which he euphorically recognized in you at the beginning (and he has rightly experienced this potential), must first actually PROVIDE itself due to his inner dynamic of attachment.

"To prove oneself" means that a woman can trustfully and intuitively reflect the repeated phases of withdrawal and his occasional "questioning everything" in her behavior without being guided by fears of loss and without being tense and her own happiness from it particularly impaired (no matter how it develops). Without losing the ability to simply "let the whole thing flow naturally" with him with confidence.

One can imagine this "bonding mechanism", which is effective deep in the male psyche, as a completely unconscious, instinctive test:

In this decisive phase, he must be able to feel for a long time that you are cool with his behavior, especially WHEN he shows a "wrong", "unexpected", "contradicting", "extremely stubborn" and "extremely disappointing" behavior.

This unconscious test behavior is really extremely pronounced in men:

Because as soon as it's REALLY about his future, he knows very well that he existentially needs a woman who always remains "herself" in an unshakable and emotionally independent way.

In other words: He has to be completely sure and feel very precisely that this woman will really never begin to fall out of her light "superiority position", which he initially felt to be so pleasant and attractive. That she does not at some point suddenly go into the desperately surrendering, self-respecting "inferior position" that neglects her.

His instinctive unconscious cannot, at any price in the world, take the risk that it will give up its naturally high, “feminine authority”, which is always slightly above it, and its independent joy of life.

Because when this happens, he knows exactly: This woman will not give him any more energy in the long run, but rather rob it in a very subtle way, so that he could no longer ambitiously realize his own goals and dreams with her at his side. He thinks that he will not receive any generous support from her on his way and that he will no longer be able to develop, but rather, he fears, will be unhappy for the rest of his life.

This "happiness or unhappiness potential", which for him lies in a woman, simply CANNOT be experienced by a man in his first urgent attraction phase, but only in a second period within the existing relationship without make-up (phase 2 = non-commitment phase). He has to let it “escalate” in a convoluted way, so to speak, whether her emotional stability, her actual female self-esteem, and her calm loyalty to principles will actually prove THEN when he takes more space for himself again.

Or not…

I would like you to see the following 5 behavioral signs, whether a man is in love with you as clues for the question: “How deep and certain has become in the meantime the existing connection proven?"

But above all as a guide for how you then become aware of his inner contradiction in this phase (he likes you quite a lot, but at the moment he obviously doesn't feel infatuated) in a playful, loving way and "reflect back" on yourself for the time being should focus consistently on your own sources of strength and joy.

With the aim that, in the course of time, HE can again feel more and more an urgent euphoria without the inner "closing reflex" of not wanting to hurt you too much, which he also experienced at the beginning. And all by itself.

(By the way, every man feels this “caution reflex” from the moment a woman gives him more time, closeness, and intimacy than he deserves for his actual effort and loving attention).

It makes a big difference whether he is still on the way or whether he has already arrived.

But this difference is NOT between the two poles “He is serious” or “He is not serious” but only in his speed, in his bonding dynamics.

The following “5 signs love test” should therefore serve you as a careful “yardstick” to roughly assess how deep his desire to bond has already taken stronger “roots”.

Is he REALLY in love with me?
How does a man behave when he is in love: The 5 safest behavioral signs for men in love

Sign # 1: When a man is in love, he is very interested in your topics, your thoughts, and your experiences

If a man is not really happy with you, then he can't help but prepare a stage for himself in some way: for example, he uses the contact with you to relieve his own current stress, to catch his currently emotionally unstable life situation with you, or to talk about his own problems in a space-consuming way, in order to be able to reflect and feel better about himself in the process. Or simply to not be alone.

It is then really difficult for him to be interested in YOUR life and in all the things that are important to you.

Conversely, if he wants you from the bottom of his heart, then he will be interested in almost everything you tell him, will follow up with interest, and will be committed to it. A man in love always tries, at all costs, to structure communication in such a way that the woman around him is impressed and delighted, knows that she is seen and understood, and feels loved, comfortable, and exhilarated in his presence.

He's proud that you like to tell him something. And if you even begin to signal the need to talk about yourself rather than be entertained by him, then he will be happy to meet this need. He would simply never risk being able to please you less because of a lack of sensitivity and inattentiveness, a lack of active expressions of interest, or a lack of listening.

For this reason, he is almost never just relaxed-leaning back or tired-bored during your dates.

(The 3 Things men need in a relationship are described in my article The Strangest Thing Men Desire.)

Sign # 2: When a man is in love, he does NOT allow himself the half-hearted luxury of carelessly showing you his unattractive and negative sides

In concrete terms this means:

If he's serious, he'll always go full throttle and admire you. As a result, he is sometimes even slightly tense, excited, and nervous. With joy, love, and euphoria of wanting to please you.

It is therefore unthinkable that you experience bad behavior in a man happily in love, such as:

• irritable or annoyed reactions and the urge to criticize any weaknesses of yours in a serious way

• Bad mood and the need to be nagging and stressed out about things in your own life in your presence

• Inappropriate jealousy reactions and exaggerated possessive gestures, presented in an irritable, reproachful or even threatening manner (e.g. when he threatens to distance or separate out of exaggerated jealousy)

• the lack of drive to want to please you with generosity (e.g. invitations, small gifts, etc.) and his avarice not to want to invest any money for you (although this would be within the scope of his possibilities), if that would give him more time, more contact and closer affection to you. For example, he prefers to do without a vacation together than to finance it alone if, for example, you have to cut corners financially. He'd rather stay home than travel to see you. He prefers to forego paid activities, events, and hobbies, even though he knows full well that you would enjoy it, etc.

• A man in love rarely allows himself such obvious indifference gestures, because he is very careful to meet your expectations, to please you, and not to gamble away your opinion about him at all costs.

• He sees you as extremely precious. That is why he is generally very considerate and is always very careful to appear in a positive light with you. Their presence awakens feelings of happiness in him, so that any stress, bad mood, and generally his negative moods do not take up any space.

• He absolutely wants to connect with you and show you that he really is the best for you:

• He wants to be competent, makes you laugh, wants to be funny and entertaining, respectful, helpful, generous, emotionally intelligent, masculine, and considerate.

(For the situation that you already had an intensive dating period and he suddenly withdrew from you without explanation or reason, read my article Why Men Pull Away)

How men act when they are in love: The clearest signals that he is REALLY in love

Sign # 3: When a man is in love with you, he is continually seeking engaging and considerate contact with you. His behavior is not contradictory

With a man who is seriously in love, you will not experience that he suddenly goes underground for several days and suddenly you hardly hear anything from him. Not even when he is really busy, busy at work, and extremely stressed. If he is currently under a lot of stress and obligations, he declares himself considerate.

Because he absolutely wants you not to misunderstand his strong "being absorbed by other things" or to see this as disinterest or inattention.

When he's out on the weekend, on a business trip, or on vacation, he always finds a moment in between to get in touch briefly and in an intimate, loving manner. At the same time, he wants to reassure himself whether “everything is still okay between us”: He is a little worried about what you might experience in his absence without him and therefore wants to show you how serious he is about you and how important you are for him.

So no matter what the circumstances are:

It is always obvious that he is thinking of you. If he deviates slightly from this course, it usually clears up immediately, and above all, he always explains himself.

If a man in love does not answer as much as he had hoped, it is only because you have signaled to him from the beginning that you are so independent and not very much in love that he just doesn't want to chase you too hard. But then you know very well yourself that he is very fond of you and does not want to appear too pushy on you.

If his feelings have flattened out in the meantime despite his honestly amorous enthusiasm, go to the article Why Men Pull Away) to understand why he is emotionally distant despite being honestly in love with you and the concrete steps you can take to bring him back to the emotional state he was initially.

Sign # 4: When a man is in love, he plans and thinks for both of you in an unmistakable way, all BY HIMSELF

If he really feels connected with you, you are something like his best friend and lover rolled into one person. Most of all, he wants to spend his time with YOU.

In most cases, he would much rather go on vacation with you than with his best buddy or with his sports group, for example. Or he may have something special for you both over the weekend to make sure you reserve your time for him in advance so he can really see you.

Often he will involve you more in the regular activities of his life, in his hobbies, in his ongoing obligations, and in his social environment, in order to create even more opportunities to hopefully strengthen the feeling of togetherness in you.

These small and larger ideas, suggestions, and plans almost always come from HIMSELF, and sometimes you would have to lovingly slow down his euphoria.

Just for this reason, he loves to be there (without grumbling, excuses or being bored) if you would like him to take part in certain activities in your life: for example in your social contacts, your commitments, and interests or in special events that are personally important to you.

If he is really in love, you are infinitely more to him than just an important emotional and sexual haven in the “here and now”, where he can regularly recharge his batteries with relaxation and emotional closeness (only to be “filled up” upside down again to dive into his own life).

But on the contrary:

In the manner described, he is always looking for new opportunities to experience even more of your time and your closeness. And hopefully making the happiness he shares with you even more binding and solid.

Sign # 5: When a man is in love, his thought of sleeping with you is not the dominant driving force in his felt connection and feelings for you

Perhaps this may sound a bit like a contradiction at first, but it is not at all:

If a man is half-hearted and maintains regular "relational" contact with you, then physical intimacies MUST often play a major role in your face-to-face encounters. This then inevitably has to be the unspoken or sometimes even the explicit (in the case of an affair) legitimation of your time together.

This is expressed in the fact that outside of intimacies he can hardly enjoy very exclusive, long-lasting times and activities with you. Because he feels very uncomfortably the strong couple and future investment on his side. And that robs him of his energy, makes him tense, impatient, irritable, and bored inside.

In some cases, he quickly pushes for intimacy without a long “pre-enjoyment” of your time together. But even if he is completely relaxed and you are a stimulating conversation partner or an enriching leisure partner for him:

Even then it is often unspoken in the room that sleeping with you in your friendship is actually the decisive basic motivation for your undertakings and activities.

How is this noticeable?

For example, his energy is then greatly flattened after the act of love and he is suddenly much less affectionate, significantly less trusting, and barely visibly pleased to communicate with you intensively. Obviously, he doesn't really care how lethargic and cold he may seem to you with this contrasting behavior.

This is really a very clear criterion: A man happily in love is still tender, loving, or communicative towards you even after the act of love (despite his relaxation afterward): he simply enjoys being with you in general.

Another point: if he is not in love and does not feel happy with you, he is openly expressing his disappointment if, unexpectedly, passionate intimacies do not arise for him.

He then allows himself the luxury of reacting in an inadequate way (depending on the personality, e.g. pushing, persuading, reproaching, defiantly withdrawing, or even turning away with disinterest, etc.).

It is very noticeable that a man who is deeply in love is just happy to spend ANY kind of time with you. He generally feels a lively tingling sensation and perceives every time spent together as intense, tender happiness.

Therefore, he feels the desire in himself to absolutely want a future together with you. And because he hopes that he can bind them to himself even more tightly by all possible means, he finds himself in a happy "inner contradiction":

On the one hand, it is the greatest happiness for him to sleep with you. He then perceives this as an extremely exhilarating experience with you, as it reinforces the full intensity of his feelings for you. It also means a lot for him to feel even more masculine-attractive and "worthy" towards you, if he obviously gives you even more pleasure in this way (and can thus bind you even more).

On the other hand:

He felt that he had an "infinite" amount of time: Because he felt very intensely and with inner joy that all of his contact with you was about his future and the long term.

In a way, therefore, you are sacred to him.

I have often heard the statement from men happily in love (analogously):

“I could just kiss her tenderly for hours, hold her in my arms and look at her. Just go for a walk with her forever, talk, laugh or be silent. This feeling is so intense and so beautiful that I want to drag it out. When we sleep together it is like heaven on earth".

Dear reader,

If you should have noticed on the basis of a few points that your candidate is apparently still far from wanting a future together from the heart:

Please keep in mind:

If he has already proven that he was euphorically drawn to you and that he clearly enjoyed the time and closeness with you:

Then you HAVE already let the potential for him shine through for a while, to want to commit to you and to be able to imagine having a future with you.

In reality, however, this bond is far from being tight enough.

However, due to male attachment psychology, this is far more undramatic than it appears to you. In terms of attachment psychology, it is due to the natural regulation of his energy balance when a man experiences an unusually large amount of closeness with a woman for a while.

He CANNOT help himself than to distance himself first and then after his first "movement" to go first in the strong "movement away".

In the non-binding phase, this behavior usually takes on much stronger forms: Basically, it unconsciously lets it escalate in peace, whether the initially perceived potential is further buried in this way or whether you may "re-emancipate" yourself again to the woman that he initially fell in love with.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, the next time you face the challenge of catching up on all the steps that you have neglected towards him in the past, so that he is able to get out of his emotional distance bit by bit can feel THAT again what he felt for you in the beginning.

Because only when you trustingly LET GO and no longer invest your energy in him, but instead begin to restore the original balance in a clever and feminine way in contact with him, you can pull the bond in the right direction again.

I really want to reassure and encourage you:

He will then no longer move away from you, on the contrary:

For the first time in a long time, the tender plant of its last “over-watered” affection then receives exactly the right dose of water that it needs to continue to grow and take root.

Only then can you experience that he feels drawn to you again without forcing it.

A journey lies ahead of you, on which I would like to support you with advice and action with my experience.

It is the way back into your own, infinitely precious, and self-confident femininity.

I wish you all the patience, trust, and determination on this exciting journey that you need to just follow your inner happiness compass again.

Sincerely,

Eve