Embedded Files
Common Misconceptions About Asexuality
Common Misconceptions About Asexuality
"Asexual people are 'just celibate' or waiting until marriage to have sex"
Asexuality is not the same as choosing not to have sex or waiting to have sex until marriage for religious or personal reasons. People who choose to be celibate or abstinent are generally still capable of experiencing sexual attraction but are choosing not to act on it. Asexuality is when a person does not experience sexual attraction towards other people. Some asexual people may also choose to be celibate, but celibacy does not equal asexuality, and asexuality does not inherently imply celibacy.
"Asexual people never have sex"
Although asexual people do not experience sexual attraction, some asexual people may choose to have sex for a variety of reasons. For example, some asexual people in relationships with non-asexual people may choose to have sex with their partners to fulfill their partner's sexual desires. Additionally, some people on the asexual spectrum, such as demisexual people, may experience some sexual attraction after creating an emotional bond with another person and thus may desire sex in select situations.
"Virgins can't know they're asexual"
Just like straight people are capable of knowing they’re straight without having sex, asexual people can also recognize their own identity without having sex. It is invalidating and harmful to take another person’s sexuality less seriously because of their past sexual experiences or lack thereof.
“Asexual people don’t want romantic relationships.”
In this case, it is important to note the difference between asexuality and aromanticism. Asexuality is when a person does not feel sexual attraction, aromanticism is when a person does not feel romantic attraction. Many asexual people are not aromantic and do feel romantic attraction and desire romantic partners. Alternatively, some aromantic people may experience some form of sexual attraction.
“Asexual people ‘just haven’t met the right person yet.’”
As discussed above, a person’s sexual and romantic experiences do not define or take away from their sexuality or identity. Asexual people are not sexually uninterested in people because they have not met ‘their person’ yet, rather, they generally do not experience sexual attraction at all. Demisexuals may experience sexual attraction with specific people, but but only after building a strong emotional connection. Finally, asexual people are generally not interested in finding one person to ‘fix’ their lack of sexual attraction because their asexuality does not mean they are broken.
"Asexuality is not 'normal', it's a mental disorder and that's why they're all depressed... "
Previous sexologists often studied people with asexuality and made the unfortunate causation that being asexual is a symptom of mental illness such as depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, self-harming behavior, and other personality disorders such as Schizoid Personality disorder (Brotto & Yule, 2016). Asexuality was pinned as being a trauma response to sexual assault or even poor early relationships with parents... (Brotto and Yule, 2016). However, sexologists failed to take into account the context in which people who are asexual live, at least in America: hetero-normative relationships that involve sex, Christian ideologies of reproduction, sex-focused media and advertisement and even music videos with explicit and implicit sexual connotations (check out the screenshot of Katy Perry's "California Girls" to the right). Someone who is asexual often receives malicious and ignorant discrimination and prejudice while living in this context producing greater risks of developing depression or anxiety. Asexuality is not a mental illness nor is it a symptom of mental illness. Living in a world that does not "see" asexual people and discriminates and challenges them will cause anyone to feel sad, depressed, or anxious.
"Asexuality is a sexual dysfunction, everyone desires sex"
This is another unfortunate misconception about asexuality that is untrue. Many people to this day think that "everyone enjoys and wants sex; it's hardwired". In fact, many previous sexologists used to test women about the engorgement of their labia majora to see if they were experiencing "sexual arousal" to dispute asexual existence and label asexuality as a sexual dysfunction (Brotto and Yule, 2016). However, a major component is missing from this hypothesis of asexuality and it's relation to sexual dysfunction: wanting! Liking something, wanting something, and learning whether something is sexual stimulus all contribute to whether or not we choose to have sex (Nagoski, 2015). Asexuality is not black and white, people may like cuddling, people may want emotional intimacy, people may not want more than cuddling, and they may not want sexual intercourse. And this is totally normal and valid, not wanting to have sex is not a dysfunction.
Sex is just one of many expressions of love. We all experience non-sexual love in our lives, so why would we invalidate that love for asexual folks? Cuddling or holding hands, providing emotional or financial support; these expressions of love are platonic, not incomplete.
Made and edited by Celeste, Liz and Julia
Page updated
Google Sites
Report abuse