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When you are diagnosed with cancer, you do find out who your friends are. There are those who keep you at a distance and those who check in with you regularly. I certainly found out that I have lots of friends who obviously care. Old school friends who I was connected with on Facebook were in constant contact. My friend Emma came down to see me. It was lovely. People around my town were also regularly checking in with me. I saw lots of people before I started chemo but once that started, everyone stayed away. This was mostly because they didn’t want to infect me and were keen to keep me safe. I didn’t go to the pub or go out for meals at any point during that time and I was completely well.
My family were amazing. Firstly, Andy was brilliant. He joined me at every consultation I had. He made sure that we had all of the correct information (it’s hard to take it in yourself so always take someone with you). He drove me to every chemo session and waited in the car (for hours) even though I could have driven myself each time as I felt fine after the infusions. There were lots of other things that he did (cooking, clearing up after the cats etc.) It couldn’t have been easy for him bearing in mind his sister’s diagnosis. My mum and dad were always at the end of the phone, mum especially (she still is). They listened to my whining, moans, good news, bad news. They popped down a couple of times during chemo but always made sure they were well. My brother, his wife – Rachel – and my sister were always at the end of a message as well. Nan and Grandad liked to be kept up-to-date so I phoned them periodically. Auntie Shaz and Auntie Anne were always messaging and my two cousins, Claire and Katie, also messaged me every now and again. Bryan and Carol (the In-Laws) were amazing. Carol went through breast cancer treatment in 2022 and Bryan had chemo a few years back. Lindsy was at the end of a message and we did and continue to check in with each other. Our treatment is very different but we each have our own breast cancer shitshow to deal with. Basically, my family were fab!
My work colleagues were amazing. I am part of a small team who support children with special educational needs and disabilities in mainstream schools. We all work closely together. Around the time I received my results in April 2023, they gave me a box and a card. The card had the following poem: “Whenever you are feeling blue, take a gift from us to you. A little box of pressies just to say, you are in our thoughts everyday. With love from STLS team.” I was so grateful for this little box of gifts and I did open one whenever I was feeling sad. During chemo, my colleagues gave me more little gifts to top up the box. I will be forever thankful to them for keeping me going during that shit time. Each and every one of them would check in with me. I love them!
Another thing that I have found extremely beneficial is being in contact with total strangers. When I was first diagnosed, Rachel (my sister-in-law) put me in contact with one of her old school friends, Scarlett. Scarlett is much younger than me and was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer 5 or 6 years ago when she was 31 (I think). We spoke on the phone and she talked through her experiences a few days after I was diagnosed. Ever since this conversation, we have kept in contact via What’s App. She also invited me to a What’s App group called ‘Titastics’. This is a group of people who met when they were having treatment in Medway a number of years ago. They were the first group I joined and have been amazing. So many of my questions were answered by people on there as they’d all had different experiences.
When I joined Flat Friends UK, I became a member of a Kent What’s App group. Again, this was extremely beneficial and allowed me to meet people who had also had either a unilateral or bi-lateral mastectomy.
Nessy suggested that I attend a Breast Cancer Now course entitled ‘Moving Forward’. I did this on the first two Fridays of February 2024. The women there were all brilliant. We’d all had different experiences but we all had cancer in common. It was so nice being able to talk about things openly and know that everyone in that room would understand. There were no silly questions. Many of us realised that some of the things we were feeling were absolutely normal. At the end of this, we made a What’s App group. Again, this has been a great way to share thoughts and feelings – although most of the time, cancer is not often talked about. 😊
Macmillan have been great. I’ve needed to phone them two or three times during my treatment. They have been able to give me very good advice and will spend a lot of time on the phone with you. Breast Cancer Now have also been good. I’ve had someone phone me a couple of times to check in. They also offered me advice when I was fighting for filgrastim during chemo.
Mr C has been amazing. This man has so much time for his patients. I cannot thank him enough for what he has said and done for me. I will be forever indebted to him; I’ll never forget him saying “We’ll get you flat” and being willing to take my case to another MDM should the first one say ‘no’ to my request. The only thing that he said that did annoy me was “You do realise you’ll be flat?” – my thought at the time, which I kept to myself was – “No shit, Sherlock!” He is an incredibly caring man – I am very lucky to have had him as my surgeon throughout my treatment.
The chemo team were also incredibly supportive and caring. They were all willing to listen and absolutely brilliant. I gave them the card to the left.
I did speak with a counsellor, Martine, on a few occasions. She was lovely but it was felt that I didn’t really need this type of support. Even though I got very upset with Mr C and Dr N, and both of them said I needed either therapy or medication to support me, my counsellor didn’t agree. Should you need to speak with a counsellor, do so.
Nessy, my Breast Care Nurse, has been the one person who has kept me sane throughout. I have spoken to many women about their breast cancer experiences and most of them did not know who their Breast Care Nurse was – I feel that they have missed out on some of the best support you could ever wish for. When my chemo finished, I gave Nessy a card (to the left) which I felt just about summed up her support. She was always at the end of the phone or an email, ready to listen and/or give advice. I don’t know how many times I was hysterical when I saw her, especially during chemo, but she always managed to calm me down and make me think rationally. Nessy was able to sort things out when they seemed to be going wrong. I will be eternally grateful for her support and kindness. I don’t think I would have got through this past year without her. She also suggested that I write a book – here we are! It’s not quite a book but it is a brutally honest record of my experience.
I think what I’m trying to say is, surround yourself with people who give a shit. Make sure that they are who you think they are – you don’t have the time or the fucking energy to put up with or deal with shit from people who are being a menace. Get them out of your life! I have every intention of ‘giving’ something (quite a lot) back to the cancer community. I’m not sure what that will look like at the moment as I continue to be in the very early stages of my recovery. What I am doing at present is sharing my story on Facebook and Instagram – I’ve done this throughout 2023 and 2024. I have also crocheted flowers to raise money for four different breast cancer charities. I’m in the process of crocheting a lot of ‘worry worms’ so that I can share them with people who have been diagnosed with cancer. I also want to support others through charities such as Flat Friends UK or Breast Cancer Now – they’ve been so good to me, I want to do something to help others. The one thing that does feel massive to me is wearing one of my special sweatshirts when I go shopping to raise awareness – I do it purposely so that I get stared at. If I can help one person, I will be made up!
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