Okay so this is a very detailed dream I had earlier this week.
Okay so this story starts with a guy played in my dream by actor Andy Samberg. He has a problem, and an office.
Into his office comes a guy played by actor Jason Alexander, with a laptop bag. He has come because he's been told Samberg's character has a big problem.
Alexander's character has come because he's something of a con man who isn't illegal. He's known for doing things that absolutely WOULD be illegal if anyone realized there needed to be a law against it. Remember how one time McDonald's had a contest but they never said how many times you were allowed to enter, so somebody entered like 90 thousand times and won a whole lot of money? (I know those aren't the exact details but you get the idea.) It's like that but even more "people can't do that, can they?" But no one's passed a law against whatever it is Alexander's done yet so the answer is always yes, for now. That's Jason Alexander's character. A tricky smart guy who never quite gets in trouble for anything.
And Samberg's character knows a guy who knows a guy who knows Alexander's character.
"So, I hear you have a problem," he says to Samberg's character, as he comes into the office and they both sit down in chairs.
Except Samberg's character (I might as well call them by these last names) Except Samberg gets up again; he's anxious and wound up. "There's these... PEOPLE... a GROUP... like, an ORGANIZATION...? They have my son. They say they won't give 'im back until I do this thing for them. In a week, on Monday, I get in my car, and drive downtown. I go into this one office building, and at the front reception desk I ask for Mr. So-and-So. I ask at exactly 9:59. He will come, I've been told, and when he does, I say three sentences to him that I've got memorized. I don't understand it..." Samberg says the three sentences. "I mean I can tell it's business-finance stuff, but it's over my head. I Googled it and I still don't really get it, it's high-level stuff I guess. And then I just leave and go to my car and leave and that's it. BUT. Here's the thing. I've spoken to my son, I'm convinced that they're treating him well and he's okay. He's a little bored, misses me, but he's fine. BUT. I have a bad feeling that even after I do this, they're not gonna give me my son back-- that they're gonna have ANOTHER task for me to do, maybe FOREVER."
"Okay," says Alexander. "Well. The good news is, I am EXACTLY the right person to come to for this."
"Okay, I'll bite: why are you exactly the right guy for this?"
"Because-- unlike pretty much anyone else you could possibly go to about this-- I KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. In fact, I used to be where you were-- I did an unexplained little task for them. In fact, I'm pretty sure they did in fact want me to work for them full-time, but they couldn't figure out a good way to get a good hold on me, and they didn't want to bring me on board without some sort of hold over me. YOU, unfortunately, they've got a perfect hold on: your son. So. That's one small piece of bad news-- I think you might be right about them maybe not giving your son back when you're done with this assignment-- that's how they often are."
"--Damn! I knew it!"
"Okay but, more slightly bad news, with good news this time..."
"Okay, what's the new slightly bad news?"
"We are NEVER gonna be able to just STEAL BACK your son."
"Damn! Now what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have a plan, because I know EXACTLY what they're after."
"Really? Why, what happens when I say my three business sentences?"
"I don't know exactly. That's not my field. Doesn't matter anyway. The point is I know enough to know exactly what the end result they want is-- it's always about money with these people."
"So what's the plan?"
"The plan is to replace their scheme with a NEW scheme, that'll be even more sure to get them what they want, but which involves-- how old is your son?"
"He's twelve. Just turned twelve a couple months ago."
"PERFECT. My scheme still involves you and-- you'll do anything to get your son back?"
"Absolutely anything. I mean I hope I don't have to go to JAIL, but I would if--"
"--Nah, nah, that's not gonna happen. My scheme has even LESS chance of you getting caught, and it'll sell it PERFECTLY if you, the guy in the scheme, have your 12-year-old son WITH you-- no one'll ever DREAM of suspecting you for anything at any point in mine..." Alexander has now gotten his laptop out of his bag, and has started typing fast and furiously. He looks around. "Okay if I connect to your printer in a minute?"
"Sure, yeah, go ahead."
Alexander types for several more minutes, prints. Then he pulls up a website. "What's that?" Samberg asks about what's on the laptop screen now.
"THIS is like Fiverr, but for guys like me. These people are willing to be hired to do certain things... and you and I will need a driver... someone that'll make the people who see him with us say 'What the HELL?!?' Like..." Alexander points at the screen-- "HIM."
Samberg leans in and looks. "...MR. T?!?!?"
"Yeah. He's perfect."
"...I can see how he'll get the reaction you're looking for..."
Soon Mr. T. shows up at the office. "Hey, I got your message," says Mr. T.
"Yeah, thanks for coming," says Alexander. "We're gonna help this man," he claps a hand on Samberg's shoulder-- "get back something that was stolen from him. Something very, very important to him."
"Any rough stuff?" asks Mr. T.
"No! We're just gonna ask for it back very politely and persuasively. That's all."
They take the pages that Alexander printed out, and Alexander gives Mr. T. an address, and he drives them there. Soon they arrive at an office block out on the edge of town. "I'm sure this isn't their only set of offices," says Alexander, "but it's the one I know about, and it'll be fine for what we're doing today."
Alexander and Samberg get out of the car. Alexander speaks through the rolled-down passenger window to Mr. T. "Now, someone's gonna come out and ask you a question or two. And that's fine, feel free to tell them the truth-- you don't know who we are or what we're doing. We should be back out here in under an hour."
They go in. It's a very busy office building, with people walking here and there like they're on some big deadline due at the end of the day. "It's always like this," Alexander says to Samberg. At the front desk, Alexander gives his name. "And this is my associate, who has a role in something you people are working on... but I have this proposal that I believe you're going to like better." And he hands the receptionist the printed-out pages. They're in a little plastic slipcover and there's a title page with Alexander's character's name at the bottom.
The receptionist looks at it, looks at the next page, then the next, and then the last... Then she calls for someone. A guy in a suit comes to the front desk. "Mr. Samberg, if you'll follow this gentleman... Mr. Alexander, if you'll come with me."
She leads him off to the right to a large area with cubicles and sits him in a chair in front of a desk where a guy is sitting working on something already, who ignores Alexander. Then she leaves.
Alexander just sits there, waiting, smiling and giving a little wave to anyone who notices him as they walk by...
After a little over five minutes, a woman walks up. She's got Alexander's proposal and is reading through it. "Yes... yes..." she says, reading... She stops and taps a page near the middle. "Yes... this could work... this calls for... some heavily medicated women... you know, taking lots of meds..."
"Of course," says Alexander, nodding, like as you do, sure.
"...Well, it's a little unusual, Mr. Alexander, but... it's very sound... yes, I think we can do this..."
"Glad to hear it," says Alexander, smiling.
She walks off.
A couple minutes later, Samberg is led to Alexander, and his escort leaves him there. "...Well...?" Samberg asks.
"They'll do it," grins Alexander.
"YES--" Samberg whispers loudly, and he pumps his fist vigorously in the air, but no one pays much attention to him.
Less than ten minutes later, they're back in the car, and Mr. T. is driving them back to Samberg's office. "They came out and did just like you said," said Mr. T. "They were surprised to see me, all right. People usually are..."
"They'll give your son back to you by the end of this week," Alexander tells Samberg. "Then you'll go somewhere else, and act out a very short little script I'll give to you-- not much longer than the three sentences you were going to have to say the other way-- and then that's it, and just hang onto your son afterward and it's all good."
"Absolutely, thank you so much," says Samberg.
"Hey, happy to do it," says Alexander.
And that was my dream.
--Park Cooper
https://www.instagram.com/wickermanstudios/
7-25-2026