Why Your Looks Matter

Don’t let anyone tell you that looks don’t matter. First impressions are everything, and before a word even comes out of your mouth, whoever you’re talking to has already made countless judgments about you and your character. But it’s not entirely their fault, right? They were influenced by society!

We are responsible for the way the world runs; placing the label “Society” onto the root of every problem doesn’t give any indicators on how to solve it or where it actually stems from. 

Rather, responsibility needs to be taken. Our ideas, prejudices, and biases contribute to the problems of the “Society” that we blame. Blaming our ideas and culture for our actions while being upset at the way that it functions keeps us running in endless circles, essentially chasing our tails as we search for a new group to blame. There is always a crutch of some kind, some way for us to excuse how we act for the sake of our own sanity. We’re too scared to admit that the fault doesn’t fall into the lap of Society, but rather on us. Where do you think that the ideas that make up this all-encompassing evil come from? There is no way to successfully acknowledge the toxicity surrounding us without admitting that we are not just part of the problem, we are the problem. But we’re scared of the position that reality places us in. Admit it or not, nobody wants to examine the reason that they act the way they do. Our concept of Society is an explanation– not an excuse. 

ED Culture

Eating Disorder Culture (note “culture” in the title) becomes ingrained within us as we move through life. No matter where we are, we’re engulfed in a world telling us what we should look like. Expectations around height and weight remain constant, our bodies treated as if they were built for the perception of others. Media, attitudes, childhoods, all contribute to the way we see ourselves and others– and regardless of whether you admit it or not, you live in a world that hates fat people.* 

The body positivity movement can only do so much in an environment so hostile towards anyone who doesn’t fit into what we* deem as “attractive”.  Movements that empower those outside the body standard become laughable, shrugged off by many as enabling unhealthy habits. “Empowerment” often consists of subtly communicating that the individual being empowered must simply get used to the way the world is (“oh well, it’s just Society”) and adjust their attitude accordingly. Obviously, the only way to promote change is to encourage a change in others’ attitudes- is that where we’re supposed to start? We are actively stunting the development of our culture by demanding others to become comfortable in a space that exudes hostility towards them. 

Every single person strives for acceptance at some point or another in their lives, often pushing the boundaries of their bodies so far that it becomes dangerous. It is increasingly common for eating disorders to be characterized as a “woman’s issue”, and used as a vessel for speaking out against misogyny and the male gaze - performative feminism based on taking advantage of others’ struggles. It becomes less about the individual woman and why she wanted to change her body and more about how Men (capital M) made her feel like she needed to. We search for our version of beauty in women’s bodies: fact. However, our search disregards the experiences of women when they don’t fit our expected societal narrative. Maybe she has a parent whose idea of “health” is to lose as much weight as possible? What if she feels as though the dress code at her job goes beyond dressing business-casual, but instead includes being stick-thin? What if she’s being bullied by other girls? These situations, as well as others like them, are often overlooked in favor of “Oh, she wants to lose weight because of how Society views her,”. The direct actions of other people are excused by our favorite scapegoat, and dismissed in a way that’s considered “progressive” on the surface, but upon looking deeper does not initiate any kind of positive change.

Gender and Feminism

Every single person experiences gender differently. We’re limited and expected to fit in with a set group of people no matter where we are on the gender spectrum, however, we can't achieve the goal of being objectively “good enough” to deserve our place in that group. We lack control of our genetic makeup, and we hate it. We pick ourselves apart and deface our own bodies. Can it be possible that the blame isn’t set on Society, but those closest to you and the way that you internalize the elements of your environment? “Oh, but people are that way because of Society!” What does that mean? How can anyone help themselves or others if we’re stuck in an endless cycle of making the same excuse? What we define as “Society” is far more complicated than a large group of people. It’s a machine made of an insurmountable number of moving parts that we don’t know the scope of despite building it ourselves. We can’t search for an explanation or solution without knowing the definition of the very thing we claim is the problem. 

Does this mean that the male gaze doesn’t impact others at all? Absolutely not. There may be a world in which the impact of misogyny on so many individuals’ lives can be acknowledged without overshadowing the experiences of those struggling with eating disorders. The boundless information at our disposal makes it inexcusable to rope together the struggles of so many people without looking inward at the root of the problem- us. We need to look inwards towards what we know about the culture we live in and dissect the injustices and biases that arise because of it. Acting as if we’ve done so by using a singular word is not enough to cover up the vile truth– not nearly enough has changed. 

* Why did I choose the word “fat”? When having conversations with people about this topic or topics adjacent to it, I noticed that every single person paused when trying to describe someone whose body doesn’t fit the beauty standard when it comes to weight. There would be a moment of well-intentioned silence as they scrambled for a word- “overweight”, “chubby”, “big”-  and the realization would hit them as they settled on “not thin”... no matter what they say, it is offensive to someone. People are uncomfortable with fat bodies, and because of this, they squirm in their skin when the word “fat” comes up in conversation. There is such a strong stigma around it that it cannot be used in a way that doesn’t reflect the inherent discomfort people have with not just the word, but the implications that come with it. Simply saying the word “fat” shouldn’t be seen as something offensive, because why should it be? Do fat bodies truly make you so uncomfortable that you need to avoid the word at all costs to avoid being seen as “rude”? 

* We: yes, all of us. You’re not special.