#29. The Massive Fuck up that was BFDIA 1 - (BFDIA 1)

I'm not going to beat around the bush with this one.

I think the title gives away enough. The first episode of BFDIA was a complete and utter failure. It did everything that an episode shouldn't have.

I feel like there is no way to explain just how much of a failure the episode truly was.

It took a highly anticipated return of a season premiere, and it completely flops. It was a massive flop and immediately made many viewers worried.

Let me explain better... THE EPISODE WAS BAD.

When the episode first came out, people were in eager anticipation. The finale had went out on a (semi) high note. We got to see an awesome cliffhanger and a happy ending if we wanted it to end that way.

So now we have this highly anticipated return of the show.

It's been in the news, this is going to be an amazing season. We even got to vote in the cast! We will get to see our fan favourites return for one more time! Then with new production value. The creators already had an entire 25 episodes worth of work under their collective belt. There is no possible way this season can fail... except in every single way possible.

Because, if you already know this; Jacknjellify is really bad at introductions.

"OH!" I hear you say, "But the BFDI premiere was awesome!"

No it wasn't, you just think it was, but look back without the rose coloured glasses, and you will see an episode that has:

BFDIA was different. But at least it failed in different ways. There are so many ways that this premiere fell flat.

So now without further ado, I present...

10 things BFDIA 1 got wrong

(And why that's awesome!)

1. It ruins the happy ending

At the cap-end of the first season, we got to see a proper ending (even if it was left with a cliffhanger). It consisted of Firey and Leafy running away from their problems and into the sunset.

Except, as it turns out, this would not be the happy ending we thought we had. Because at the start of the new season we get to see this.

And there you go, we just erased 2 years of teaching forgiveness and growing into a better person. I guess Leafy is just bound to suck.

Inexplicably, the contestants all start competing in a second season with no island or prize of any form. They are just doing it for the kicks now.

That also brings me back to another thing they ruined. Firey and Coiny are enemies again...

So those are two details that the show just ignores. As if they didn't even reconcile. I guess we are supposed to view them as brothers now. But that doesn't invite a lot happy feelings for me. Especially with all of the Fireoiny stuff going around these days.

So now that brings me to...

2. The Cast pick was a disaster

Yeah, I said it, the cast for BFDIA was a complete and utter disaster. At least on paper, this cast seemed like it was doomed to fail. Just take a quick look at who was going to be on.

Now of course, as we know. This is only on paper. It turns out that this becomes the greatest cast of all time. But on paper, it appeared to be a complete flop. And no place was this truer than in the first episode. Before anyone had gotten any good personality traits developed.

3. Disappearing finalists

On top of having a terrible cast. We get to learn that most of our fan favourites won't even get to participate in the challenge. Bubble, Flower, and Leafy all are forcibly removed from the cast choice. Why, you might ask?

Alright, so the only people with a personality are going to be evicted from the show... perfect! How did we end up with this again? Oh right, because the cast choice was a disaster and now we have three major characters are disappearing... great.

And the cherry on top of that, is the previous winner; Firey. Is going to be completely erased from the show. He will barely get any lines and be relegated to a background character. Rivaling some of the greatest background characters such as...

I think I'm forgetting someone... but that just goes to prove my point... if they are out of sight, then they are out of mind...

4. Donut and Lollipop

Oh right those two... BFDIA did develop TWO of the newbie characters. The first was Donut.

Donut was one of the only people who actually got to have a personality. And of course it still remains a poor imitation. He does nothing to prove he should stay, in fact, it become apparent that he is going to be one of the most annoying contestants on the show.

Okay so we established a total of ONE thing about Donut

1. He is an asshole

And now we move onto Lollipop. Yes, you heard me right. The second most developed side character is someone who didn't even make it into the game!

WE GOT MORE SCREENTIME OF HER, THAN THE ENTIRE REST OF THE NEWBIES. Granted, the screentime she does get isn't all that much, but it is leaps ahead of the rest of the other newcoming contestants.

Despite this small conversation, we do learn a bit more about her.

1. She's an asshole (no surprises there)

2. She's sarcastic and cruel

And she didn't even make it into the show... one of the only two characters that were developed were didn't even get to compete in the show! And we all know Donut's elimination is right around the corner, so its only a matter of time until all the newbies get picked off if we keep this track.

5. FILLER

Yes it is, literally half of the episode is pure filler. Complete wastes of time.

I don't have much more detail to say about this because I want to go into more detail about the last few time-waters.

6. Short Challenge

This challenge is so short... it probably takes a shorter time to read this sentence than the challenge takes, its literally over in 3-2-1, it's not even going to be a fair fight. Team no name has everything they need.

Okay, we get it, can we move on now? This is really painful to sit through.

7. Cutaway Jokes

Yeah, this has some really lengthy cutaways. Namely the one I want to talk about. You all know what I'm going to say. We were getting a super tense scene. Pencil and Donut were about to square off. This is going to be an intense battle. Even if Donut set Pencil on fire, she has more allies to her side. This is going to be one epic, if not hilarious showdown. But oh wait, we have something else to deal with.

Oh great, and now we get to do another montage, this time not of anything interesting... it's just a static image with a black overlay in the most bizzare shapes ever. There is no substance, just the opportunity for a screenshot wallpaper. Oh but don't worry, I won't spare you the pain of reliving it.

I will choose to torture you with something even worse though.

8. A MUSICAL NUMBER

Oh yeah, bet you wish you could forget that this happened. One of the biggest stains and WTF moments the show ever produced. All the contestants of BFDI are going to sing and dance for our "entertainment".

And may god have mercy on us for that too.

But the one I was referring to was the Puffball solo. You all know the words... it's literally the same thing over and over again.

Now is this just me. or are these the laziest or possibly the GREATEST lyrics ever?

For BFDI's first attempt at a musical number, I give it the award of an EPIC FAIL. It didn't advance the plot or provide any good jokes. Well aside from Firey becoming entranced. But other than that it was just the same five words repeated over and over again. Just a kid with a vocoder.

9 & 10. All of the above

Now, I actually ran out of ideas, and I don't think you want to read anymore of how much of a disaster this was of a first episode. But regardless, I think it should be clear as day that this doesn't need two more reasons.

Now if you still want two more reasons, then I will just post the episode here, and you can come up with a idea for reason 9 and 10. Tell me, and I will put it in the P.S. of the article.

Now I know a lot of you are confused; Why did I just write this entire article? It doesn't seem to be worthy of a spot on theFunny55s, its not even that funny. And yeah, you would be right, there isn't that much to laugh at in such a painful episode to sit through. Because no one could have planned this episode to be as great of a disaster as it was... Except it was planned. This isn't some reality TV show, this is a scripted series! So every single screw-up wasn't just incorporated, it was delibratley written into the show! So the episode was literally written to be awful. And THAT is the funny part, this wasn't a occurrence of events, BFDIA 1 fails despite the creators literally having control over the entire production! They literally made this disaster happen! So there you see the true beauty behind a dumpster fire, because you have to remember that someone put it there in the first place.

Which gives us light to name BFDIA 1, the greatest garbage-fire episode in all of BFDI. And dare I say one of the best episodes in BFDI history. Everything went to wrong, that it turned back into one of the most entertaining episodes of the series.

I do think people are too hard on this episode, yes it has its flaws, but I do think there's a inherent beauty in the alternative.

P.S. Thanks to Brayden and Zelo for helping come up with the list.

P.P.S. NO MORE FIREOINY! OR MATCHIL! OR FIREAFY! OR COINPIN! THEY ARE INANIMATE ASEXUAL OBJECTS! I'VE SEEN SOME STUFF I CAN NEVER UNSEE! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!... Thanks. :)

P.P.P.S. If you got the Vince Offer reference, you are amazing!