#14. The downfall of team No Name - BFDIA (1-5)

Hello, everyone.

Today I am going to tell you a story.

Nope, not a single one of you were even remotely close.

Today's story is going to be a bit different. Because it is a story form the holy bible.

That's essentially the point. I think BFDI has a storyline to rival David versus Goliath.

For you see, BFDIA has probably one of the greatest storylines woven into it's first five episodes. Along with being pretty funny. One of the main reasons I wanted to include this article was to bring more light to this storyline as a whole. It is criminally underrated in terms of it's storytelling and direction. And in this reading of the BFDI Bible. I want to bring as much attention possible to the storyline. It is literally the story of David versus Goliath. Or so I thought.

During the time I spent researching this article. I discovered that the story of David vs. Goliath is actually WAY less interesting than I originally thought. I expected David vs. Goliath to involve an army, and some form of battle. Perhaps some geopolitics. Instead it involves a tall man, a small dude, and a slingshot. It's basically the biblical version of Home Alone.

So instead, I'll be choosing a different book from the bible which fits the BFDIA storyline much better. If any of you are remotely familar with the Book of Exodus. That storyline is from the old Testament, and is probably the best fit.

Since I don't want to spoil too much about the Book of Exodus, I will leave it for you to read.

One disclaimer I have to say is that none of this is even remotely accurate to the bible. Just if any of you know about the Old Testament, then you'll get some of the references.

And so, without much more wait, I shall narrate to you the story of BFDIA. The Ruse of WOAH Bunch, the downfall of the nameless team. The story of insurrection, liberty, and freedom. Featuring Coiny, Golf Ball, Pencil, and Donut,. This is their story.

THE BOOK OF ASCENDENCE

The full story

COINY 1:1

The Insurgents

1 In the beginning, there was God.

2 And God created the heavens and the earth.

3 And God said: Let there be light. And light was made.

4 And God saw that the light was good. And he divided the light from the darkness.

5 And he called the light the returnees, and the darkness the expendables. And then there was Fans vs. Favourites one day.

6 And then God said: Let there be Donut. And Donut was born into the darkness from a beam of light.

7 And God said to Donut: Find the imbalance. And Donut discovered the imbalance.

8 And God said: Let there be Pencil.

9 And God said: Let Donut have fists.

10 And then God said: Let there be a mind of logic and reasoning. And one day there was Puffball

11 And God said to Donut: Be as salty as possible.

12 And Pencil saw the insurgents had taken her closest friend away from her. And Pencil grew a face of spite. She declared she would lead her team of returnees to destroy the gang of expendables.

13 There was now a great divide between the newbies and the reutrning contestants. And God was happy.

14 Then God said: Let there be rules.

15 And the rules were sent to Book from the sky.

16 And the three wisemen* of the new season read the rules.

*Might not be wise.

17 And Match cast her team aside and ran back to the returnees.

18 And Gelatin saw an opportunity to join the light, and marched accross the divide.

19 Now Fries sought to join the returning contestants. He became brave and walked accross the divide too.

20 The legion of defectors marched accross the divide to join the returning players.

21 There stood a team of 21 contestants. Their numbers raised an army of strength.

22 At the front stood Pencil, her loyal friend, Match. And 19 loyalists. While Donut stood alone.

23 And then God sent Donut on a mission. God said: You must find an army. There are two soldiers who will join you in your journey.

24 God proclaimed: The first soldier must have the brute strength of metal.

25 Then God said: And the second soldier must be as sharp as a sword.

26 And then God said: These two soldiers will be outcast from the army. You must discover them and make them your allies.

27 And God sent Donut a loyal soldier.

28 And Donut asked God: Where is my third soldier?

29 And God told Donut: Do not fear, my child. It is all in my plan.

30 So Donut and Coiny sought to find the weak link in the Goliath team of 20. They discovered the outcast to be Pin. She had been alone since the start of the series. And for good reason.

31 And so the insurrection, and the ennobled joined forces. Assured of their own power and greed, chose to exile Pin to the outcasts.

32 And the first challenge was chosen.

33 And God said to Donut: Do not fear the Goliath. I have blessed you with the story arc. You will overcome them if you keep faith.

34 And so the three outcasts pulled with all their might. With the power of God behind them.

35 And with all their might, the outcasts pulled with all their might to save themselves. With the power of God marching behind them. They pulled with all their might and lost the challenge to the colossus.

36 God saw that the outcasts were good. And the outcasts plummeted into the canyon. Shouting and pleading for safety.

37 And Donut said: Why did we lose, God? Did we not have enough faith?

38 And God said to Donut: Tell the audience how to vote. You must speak to them to survive. And Donut obeyed god, and spoke to the audience.

39 And the viewers voted for the contestant they liked the least. So came the time to read the votes. The votes were shown on the screen revealing who was safe and who would be the first to be eliminated.

40 And Donut became the first contestant eliminated from BFDIA. To be thrown aside to be remembered as the failed insurgent.

41 And Donut asked God: What will happen to me? For I have been eliminated like immediately!

42 And God said to Donut: Do not fear my child, this is all part of my plan. You will see in time what I have planned for everyone.

43 Donut asked God once again: For what is this part of your plan? My band of insurgents will be reduced to two soldiers. They fail to surpass the colossus of team No Name without me. Will there be a rejoin later in the season?

44 And God said to Donut: No, you will not get a second chance.

45 And Donut asked God: Then what was my purpose? You commanded me to create this insurection. You commanded me to find the best* soldiers to save us.

I have done everything you commanded me to do. And yet I will not be ressurrected. I am the leader of my band, but with my death.

45 And Donut had an epiphany. He realized that he was not the soldier whom had been chosen to defeat the ennobles.

46 And Donut was eliminated. Never to be ressurrected again... like ever. But the legacy of Coiny and Pin would only begin here.

COINY 1:2

The Tactician

1 Now the insurgents were left with two members. Left to topple the ennobled army of nineteen. Coiny marched forward to speak with God.

2 And Coiny asked God for guidance: Oh, great creator, writer, and animator. What shall I do in your honour to protect the insurgents?

3 And God in his infinite wisdom spoke to Coiny directly.

4 And Coiny in his faith obeyed God and began his long journey to abrade the ennobled. And Coiny and Pin sought to discover the weakest link in the army.

5 And the insurgents marched bravely accross the divide. With stealth, they marched into the fortress and escaped with Teardrop.

6 But God would not let Coiny and Pin convert another member into an insurgent. So God in his infinite wisdom put forth a challenge unto Coiny. God said: Let there be a creature of wisdom and diplomacy. And suddenly one day Book was there.

7 And Book the diplomat. in her wisdom spoke to Coiny.

8 And Coiny, to have lead the insurection had to think of a loophole to escape. And he sought to ask Teardrop a question of faith.

9 But Teardrop could not speak. For God had chosen to make her that way. And Coiny and Pin successfully kidnapped Teardrop. And made her into the third member of the insurrection.

10 And the next challenge was chosen by the wheel of randomness.

11 And Coiny lead his insurrection through the challenge. With his loyal ally, Pin. And they used their wits to defeat the ennobles.

12 And God sought to help his children. So God said: Let there be a conflict storyline!

13 And One day Golf Ball became relevant.

14 And Golf Ball wanting to be a big character had became the new team leader. And Golf Ball was Happy

15 And Pencil. Who was the original team leader did not like that.

16 So Golf Ball managed the challenge. And sent her teammates on a journey.

17 And Pencil in her fury and anger chose to undermine Golf Ball. For a chance to reinstate her dominance of the ennobled.

18 And God saw that Pencil did not like Golf Ball, and God saw that Pencil was now an outcast from her team of ennobles. So God sought to give Pencil a mission.

19 So Pencil marched through the forest alone and suddenly and without warning she was caught on fire.

20 And the Lord appeared to her through the burning stock. And she saw she was on fire, and was not burnt.

21 And Pencil said: I will go see this great sight, for it intreagues me.

22 And when the Lord saw Pencil examine herself, he said: Pence Pence. I am the lord. God of Writing, screenplays, and 75% of the animation. I have seen your plight in team No Name.

23 And knowing their sorrow. I have come down to deliver them freedom at your hands. I wil give you my blessing to perform miracles as a showing of my existence. Please lead my children to freedom.

24 And Pencil performed her first miracle. She inhaled the lord.

25 And Pencil performed her second miracle. Turning yoyle stew into something toxic in front of a crowd of belligerents who had gathered to commence the rise of a new leader.

25 And so she went. First, she gathered her collegue and cloest friend, Match.

26 And then Pencil asked Match: Who should we invite? What about Ice Cube?

27 And Pencil searched once again. Discovering a member born out of the darkness. But who was the embodiment of light. And Pencil invited her to join the alliance.

28 So Pencil created a new alliance. Of contestants who would listen to her, instead of Golf Ball. And Pencil was satisfied.

29 And Golf Ball's poor leadership lead the team straight into an utter failure.

30 And the ennobled would suffer another loss. This time not at the hands of their enemies. But of their own disorganization.

31 And so the ennobles marched to their first Cake at Stake.

32 And God said:

33 And God gave Puffball the angelic voice. One that could woo the viewers. One that would make her the privelaged distinguishment of getting a prize.

34 And God saw that the storyline was good, and God was happy.

35 And Dora the useless was eliminated. And God was happy that one of the expendables were eliminated.

36 And God saw that the ennobles were fracturing. And God spoke to Coiny: Take your opportunity to steal another member.

37 So Coiny obeyed God. And God was happy.

38 So Needle had a mental breakdown. And God was happy.

39 So Needle chose to join the insurgents.

40 And the ennobled looked upon the insurgents. Their numbers slowly growing while the ennobled continued to decline. Their golden age would be over. And the long decay would begin.

COINY 1:3

The Internal Rebellion

1 So the Insurgents marched forward with their growing army. To face off against the goliaths of the ennobled. The four of them now faced against sixteen of their enemies. The divide slowly weakening.

2 And the contestants spun the wheel and the challenge was chosen for them.

3 And the ennobled, terrified of suffering a humiliating defeat. Sought to reform. Under the new leadership of Golf Ball. The team would march forward and dominate their competition once more.

4 And the ennobled continued to split.

5 So Pencil saw the opportunity to abandon the contest and rebuild her alliance.

6 And Pencil saw that to reform her alliance, she had to bring her most loyal member back to life.

7 And Pencil prayed for Bubble to be returned to life. So Pencil began a ceremony of life and prayer in the hopes her friend could come back to life.

8 And Pencil blew into the wand. Hoping and praying for her second miracle to be performed. For her faith in God was unwavering.

9 And God heard the pleads of Pencil from up above and listened.

10 And God saw the pleads of one of his children. And chose to channel his power through Pencil.

11 And Pencil performed a miracle through God. As God said: Let there be Bubble. And suddenly Bubble was before their eyes.

12 And God saw that Pencil had performed the miracle. And Pencil saw her friend had been returned from the heavens back to her. And Pencil was happy.

13 And Pencil, and her followers celebrated. And the celebration brought forth many others who wanted to join the path of Pencilanity.

14 And Pencil brought Book and Ice Cube into her alliance. Now with six members. They would be able to rival Golf Ball and her followers. And Pencil was happy.

15 As Pencil formed the bonds needed to get far into the game. Golf Ball spared them by winning the next challenge.

16 And as the Insurgents faced their next elimination.

17 And God in his infinite wisdom saw the dilema. For he knew the viewers, and he knew the viewers well. The lord knew that Coiny would not survive this elimination.

18 And God, begotten with shame and failure cried: The storyline will end if the least likable person is eliminated! For what shall I do to save my son?

19 And through the power of divine intervention. He spoke to his fans indirectly and asked them to honour Coiny and save him.

20 And the fans listened. And Coiny was saved.

21 And Coiny was saved. And God spoke to Coiny: You must find another member to join your band of insurgents.

22 So Coiny and Pin went forth recruiting Bomby and Yellowface for no reason except for they were controllable.

23 And the fourth challenge was chosen.

24 Pencil wanted to abandon the team, but she did not have the will to. Then came the moment where Golf Ball asserted her control over the ennobled.

25 And Pencil saw the atrocities comitted by Golf Ball. And Pencil became vengeful.

26 And as Pencil saw the atrocities comitted by her sister, Golf Ball. And she had to fight for the justice of gods children.

27 And Golf Ball saw that Pencil was no longer her soldier. She saw that Pencil was playing for herself.

28 And Golf Ball became furious. For she was evil and would not allow anyone return her power.

29 So Pencil had signed her death warrant. And Golf Ball made an example out of her.

29 And Pencil would remember that.

30 And though Pencil struggled, and pleaded for life. Golf Ball would not tolerate her.

31 And as Pencil was thrown into the fiery pit. She called out to the lord.

32 And Pencil was made the example for rebellion. Sacraficed in the incinerator.

33 And Golf Ball believed in her own assurance walked free of pain. And moved on to bring her team to a second victory.

34 And Coiny, in fear against losing to the ennobled goliaths. Was sent a strategy by the lord himself.

35 And Coiny sent his greatest new ally, Yellowface. To infiltrate the new emboldened ennobles.

36 And Coiny saw that the ennobled had once more outplayed the insurgents. There was no hope. Unless Coiny used his last stand.

37 And the insurgents avoided elimination. Garanteeing that Coiny would survive until the next round. Where his efforts would finally begin to pay off.

COINY 1:4

The Broken Chains

1 Hereater the plague of Bomby set through the soldiers of Goiky. All that remained were Bubble, and Pin. They did not get along well.

2 And the lord was not pleased with how the story was going. His own children were rebelling against him.

3 And the lord thought for months about what to do.

4 And God realized that he had completley forgotten about a story arc he had planned.

5 And God said: I shall make her mind become overridden with greed and wrath. She shall cause the team to crumble.

6 So the Lord sent Puffball the snake to sow the seeds of greed in her mind.

7 And the lord looked on his storyline, satisfied that it would play out by the end of the episode. And God was happy.

8 And God was still furious at Coiny for not obeying him. And the lord chose to spite Coiny

9 And the lord used his own wrath and eliminated one of his possible allies.

10 And Pencil saw her most loyal soldier about to give up the ghost. And she chose to betray the lord to save her most beloved soldier.

11 And God did not object, for she saw that Pencil had done an act of good. And showed loyalty to those whom needed it most.

12 And God spared Match for until it was time.

13 So Match was spared from her untimely death. And Match was happy.

14 But Coiny was still unhappy, he wished for the dismantlement of the ennobled. His army was slowly growing. But his band of insurgents still were a small footnote in the story of the ennobled.

15 And Coiny returned to what he did best, he found more members to recruit into his insurection.

16 And Spongy and Nickel joined the band of insurgents. Against god's favour.

17 So God said to Pencil: Do not fall for the devil. For the devil shall corrupt you.

18 And Pencil vowed to listen.

19 And Golf Ball grew with rage once more. And Golf Ball in a fit of fury chose that she would no longer tolerate Coiny

20 And Golf Ball knew she had to stop the insurgents from rising up. So she knew what needed to be done.

21 And from the mind of the devil herself, Golf Ball concieved of a plan to stop the insurgents from taking any more members.

22 And Golf Ball used her powers of persuasion to keep the team in line.

23 First it was her loyal right foot ball.

24 Then the traitor agreed as well.

25 And the rest soon followed.

26 And God saw that the ennobled were uniting. And he said to Pencil: This is your chance to break free.

27 And Pencil heard the lord, and she saw her freedom being taken away from her.

28 And as Golf Ball had gained control of her team. Pencil had spoken up.

29 And Golf Ball became furious at this rebellion, wishing to subdue it before it could spread.

30 And Pencil's loyal band of allies saw that Pencil was bringing the revolution. They knew it was time to rebel as well.

31 And Pencil lead her band of freedom seekers to a new land.

31 And they began their march accross the field to find their new holy land.

32 And they would continue to trek accross the unforgiving field to find their new holy land.

33 And the band of rebels formed a new identity.

34 And Book the wise thought for a long time. Until the idea had formed in front of her.

35 And Pencil realized who her people should be named.

36 And God looked upon his children and thought: Wow, Pencil isn't that smart.

37 And as the freesmarters celebrated their newfound freedom. Coiny relished the power shift.

38 And Coiny became too engrossed in his power, and Pin had to correct him before he would lose the motivation they once had.

39 And with the help of Needle, Coiny was brought to Pin.

40 And as the next challenge would befall the contestants. The power was shifted. The game would be forever changed thanks to the momentus shift that occured this day.

COINY 1:5

The Journey

1 In the final chapter of the journey. There was God.

2 Along with God, was his vessel, Coiny.

3 And along with God, was the savior.

4 And not along with God, was his prophet. Who had been living in the TLC.

5 And God said: Let the next contest begin.

6 And the contestants realized they had to find a new holy land.

7 And Pencil knew that her team had to try the hardest. And she chose to not mess around.

8 And Pencil was put on a FBI watchlist.

9 And Golf Ball also knew that her team was on the line. And she quickly got to work.

10 And as the ennobled and the rebels marched forward. The Insurrection faced a tall order.

11 And Coiny realized he would not win the challenge. And he fell to his knees in defeat.

12 But Coiny and his band of insurgents would not give up.

13 For the season hung in a balance between good, evil, and neutral.

14 And the ennobled flew forward, gaining the upper hand. Until a traitor was encountered.

15 And the ennobled faced their first setback.

16 Meanwhile, the insurgents and rebels marched to their new holy land.

17 But as time would march on, the insurgents and rebels would lose their upper hand.

18 And Golf Ball had lead her team of insurgents far ahead of the ennobled.

19 Meanwhile, Pencil and her band of rebels had done their best to sabotage the ennobled.

20 And alas, the band of rebels had reached the holy land first.

21 And as the speaker box insulted the rebels. Match came to set him straight.

22 And God saw that Match was being entertaining. And thought he should make more drama.

23 And the Lord gave the Host a sudden wave of clarity.

24 And Match would reach her untimely demise.

25 And as Match scrambled, she faced the sad truth.