On Becoming

This Fall internship experience has flown by. On reflection, I feel a bit disheartened. As a full-time professional and full-time student, I couldn't devote as much time to DETE as I would have liked. In fact, I was only able physically be in the office on Thursdays from 9 am - 12 pm, which may sound like plenty of time but it never gave me the opportunity to really feel settled. That said, I've never felt unsupported or that my presence and my contributions to the work weren't valued. As I said at the start, my DETE family has made me feel seen and held. I appreciate them so much. Plus, most of my assigned tasks did not require me to be in Winston Hall.

I think one thing I've learned about myself through this reflection process is how much I genuinely love and appreciate Black women and their leadership. I also came to see how much I valued a work environment that was almost-organically affirming and light-hearted, even while advancing critical work. DETE always felt inclusive of me. But perhaps more importantly I've also learned about all of the ways I still need to grow in order to really advance equity in higher education. I did not get to experience curriculum planning or facilitating workshops. Those are definitely skills that I want to develop for future professional practice. There's also a new awareness of just how little I know about the mechanisms behind social justice and diversity education. Before this internship I knew that I didn't know very much about the models and theories but I didn't know just how much I didn't know. When Miyah and I were asked to research theories to inform DETE's work, we both encountered that knowledge gap despite genuinely wanting to see DETE's mission fulfilled. I'm still very much 'becoming.'

That said, I've also grown in certain ACPA and NASPA professional competency areas for student affairs educators.

Assessment, Evaluation, and Research

The Assessing Assessment working group experience taught me a lot more about how assessment rubrics are designed and critiqued. Assessment models always seemed to spring out of thin air, grounded in some research way "out there." This internship allowed me to get up close and personal, to hear the conversations, to contribute to the questions, to see the intentionality as the working group considered what to include or exclude, who would be affirmed or silenced, what counted as knowledge and what didn't (and why). It made me realize how even assessment can be liberatory or oppressive.

Leadership

I certainly think I've grown in this area, both from watching Beverly and Stephanie steer DETE and from being given opportunities to take initiative, which manifested primarily through organizing the Lunch and Learn with Dr. Byrd and writing two articles for OIED's Diversity Digest. Both experiences required me to step even more out of my comfort zone, reach out to people I hadn't interacted with before, and decide how to shape a shared experience that benefited others.

Social Justice and Inclusion

Interning in a division focused on equity and inclusion has promoted some spontaneous self-assessment of how I do or don't show up for what I claim to value. I've been reflecting on this in terms of my willingness to reprioritize other work, school, and life tasks to make more room for my DETE assignments. This came to a head for me when Miyah and I were asked to research diversity education theories. Much of the work was initially done by Miyah, and the burden of that on her was not equitable. I felt convicted around that, especially in the way it reified the idea that it was unremarkable that Black women take on extra labor. Whether or not it was that deep, I had to check myself, step back from on-the-go mode and be more intentional about being an equal partner in this assignment. I'm still working this part out as I juggle other demands but this, to me, is about every day social justice in practice. If I claim to want Black women to thrive and prosper, how can I sit here full of excuses (some legit, others less so) and reinforce the mechanisms that lead to their oppression?

I've still got room to grow, but I've been striving to adopt a more growth-minded approach. I'm not sure exactly how much growth has happened, whether that growth can be attributed to DETE primarily, or even whether it will be sustained over time, but I've gained several insights into myself and different ways of leading a unit and supporting your team. Since it looks unlikely I'll meet the 80 hours required for this internship this semester, there's a good chance I'll return to DETE for a limited time period in the Spring. While I'd love to have an exception as a full-time professional, full-time student*, I'm actually not mad about the idea of returning to the DETE family in January.

No farewell (for now) post is complete without acknowledgements. So, these are the people who've lifted me up: First, shoutout to Miyah Wilson, fellow cohort member, who first informed me that DETE was interested in at least two graduate interns. Our office hours never overlapped but our very similar experiences and a shared assignment deepened our bond. I'm grateful to Beverly for listening to my interests, plugging me in and keeping laughter in the air. I'm grateful to Stephanie for making our meetings feel like easy conversation, letting my voice shape our approach and for trusting in my ability to do the work. I want to cultivate more of that leadership style in myself.