SAY THEIR NAME Don’t hesitate to mention the name of the person who has passed away. Bringing them up won't make your loved one any sadder, though it might bring up tears. It’s painful to feel like someone you care about is erased from memory & conversation. Expressing how much you'll miss them is far more meaningful than just saying, "I'm sorry for your loss."

ACKNOWLEDGE FEELINGS Grief can cause emotions to shift quickly, so don’t assume you understand how the grieving person feels at any moment. If you've experienced a similar loss, sharing your own story might be comforting, but keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. No two people go through it the same way, so avoid saying you "know" how they feel or comparing your grief to theirs. Instead, encourage your loved one to express how they’re feeling. Instead of asking, "How are you?" try asking, "How are you feeling today?" to acknowledge the pain of their loss. 

OFFER HOPE Reassuring them that while grief takes time, they will find their way through it, but be careful not to sound dismissive. Understand that life for them may never feel the same after a loss. People don’t simply “move on” from the death of someone close. While the grieving person might come to terms with the loss, the pain may ease over time, but the sadness could remain forever. 

CHECK-IN Your loved one may need support even more in the weeks & months after the loss, when others might stop reaching out. Check- in regularly doing any of the following options: phone call, text, drop-in, letter, or card. Often, those grieving find it hard to ask for help, so taking the initiative can mean a lot. Certain times & days of the year will be particularly hard for your grieving friend or family member. Holidays, family milestones, birthdays, & anniversaries often reawaken grief. Be sensitive on these occasions. Let the bereaved person know that you’re there for whatever they need. 

HELP OUT Offer specific help rather than just asking if you can "do anything," as it can be overwhelming for the grieving person to ask for assistance. Instead, suggest concrete actions like the examples listed below. Sometimes, your support is even more needed later on.

• • • Help with funeral arrangements.

    • Stay in your loved one’s home to take phone calls and receive guests.

    • Take care of housework, such as cleaning, laundry, or help with insurance forms/bills.

    • Watch their children or pick them up from school.

    • Drive your loved one wherever they need to go.

    • Look after your loved one’s pets.

    • Go with them to a support group meeting.

    • Share an enjoyable activity (lunch, movie, walk, etc.)

MEAL TRAIN Offer to help with meals by cooking a meal , dropping off groceries, volunteering to grocery shop, setting up a meal train, or gifting a gift card to a restaraunt. For many grieving individuals adjusting to planning, shopping, & cooking can be a challenging transition.

LISTEN Be a good listener instead of offering advice. A compassionate ear is invaluable, especially when the same story is shared repeatedly, as grieving individuals often process their emotions by retelling their experiences. Unless they specifically ask for guidance, hold back on giving advice. What they need most is your understanding and presence, not solutions. Someone who is grieving might appear fine on the outside, but internally, they could be struggling. It’s best not to say things like, “You’re so strong” or “You look great,” as it can make them feel like they need to hide their emotions and maintain a certain image.

AVOID JUDGING Your friend or relative's life & emotional landscape have changed enormously, possibly forever. You may wish he or she would move on, but you can't speed the process or even ensure that it happens. Let them heal at the pace that feels right & in their own manner. Reassure the grieving person that it’s okay to cry, get angry, or have a breakdown in front of you. Avoid telling them how they should or shouldn’t feel. Grief is an intense emotional experience, and it’s important for the person to express their feelings—no matter how irrational they may seem—without the fear of being judged, argued with, or criticized.  "You should cry" or "It's time to move on" aren't really helpful directions.