For the health and safety of our philosopical staff and patrons, we are only offering takeout and delivery amid the COVID-19 pandemic.
Each menu item available separately—or get a deal in our signature philosophical five-course meal from $150 per person.
427-347 B.C.E
$15
Although each piece may have its own flaws and differences, some more moldy than others, it all came the from same realm of Forms, cut with the same mould, and upon consumption your soul will recollect what the perfect feeling of food poisoning is. If you come to a verdict that the cheese is inedible and no human should consume it because it smells and tastes absolutely putrid—that is only an opinion, and others might disagree as it is an acquired taste, and you cannot always rely on your senses. On the other hand, if you notice others vomiting and being rushed to the hospital 100% of the time after eating the cheese, you can use your reason to determine that the cheese is not for human consumption, and that is where true knowledge comes in.
354-1704 C.E
$30
Your heart will not be quiet until it rests in the hands of this stew—due to cardiac arrest from the excessive fat, wine/the blood of Christ, and ignorance we have doused this dish in. You have no right to criticize this dish, for it is God, and only a few will be spared after eating it, as the others are sentenced to damnation by means of cardiac arrest (as previously mentioned). This stew is a divine mystery, because even we have no idea as to its ingredients (apart from lamb, wine, and ignorance), but faith in this dish will illuminate your soul, and you must eat it, or suffer the wrath of God.
This dish was designed to go with the Plato cheese, however it alters and clouds the flavours of the cheese beyond recognition to the point where the original intentions and philosophy of the cheese are forgotten.
$40
If you want to clean the bitter taste the stew has left you, try the sweet and juicy taste of science, as the attraction to this dish is universal. Using Chef Galileo's techniques, this dish will leave you satisfied, both in regards to nourishment, and about why the moon has not crashed into the Earth by now, thanks to the Law of Universal Gravitation. We pride ourselves in harvesting our apples from the very tree at Porters Lodge which inspired Newton himself.
Although this tenderloin seems wonderful, it is not perfect, as there are still a few hints of the previous stew which has seeped its way into this dish.
$94
Eating this salad will cause you to perceive a series of simple sensations, as all material knowledge of the world comes to us this way.
You cannot "think" the oranges in this salad are round, but you can think that the skin we forgot to cut from the oranges tastes bitter, however others might disagree, and they may enjoy the taste of orange skin (if such people exist). One thing we can all agree on is that this is an unreasonable price for a salad, but that is the cost of capitalism, which Locke helped founded, and square oranges are also quite hard to find.
1856-1938 C.E
$18
You may repress your strong desire to eat this sinfully rich and thick chocolate lava cake in your subconscious, as perhaps you are self-conscious of your health and accustomed to society's negative view of being overweight, but sooner or later—similar to the gooey and lucsious molten chocolate liquid oozing out of a freshly cut lava cake, your innate desires will slowly spill out from your subconcious, filling your dreams and causing your tongue, actions, or memory to slip on certain occasions. Will you succumb to your desires for guilty pleasure?